jamais deux sans trois 4/?
Title: jamais deux sans trois 4/?
Pairing: jongin/baekhyun
Genre: romance
Rating: pg-13
Summary: jongin didn't plan on being a father so soon, nor did baekhyun plan on enrolling as a permanent babysitter, but that's life, things never go the way you want them to.
Disclaimer: I just own the story, none of the boys.
a/n: I'm so sorry it took so long, been trying to get back to it after breaking the chain when I got sick and ajhds this chapter was so hard to write i'm sorry cries a little.
chapter one | chapter two | chapter three |
It’s been awhile since the last time he’s had Minah all for himself, with no one else in the apartment but her usual either cheery voice, which wasn’t so cheery right now but quite close to the usual screeching she’d produce from her vocal chords when she was hungry.
Jongin’s trying to finish warming her bottle, which-true, Baekhyun warned him that he better not get her back on baby bottles until she’s used to the baby food, but he’s not the best cook around here, unless some nanny-babysitter, is Baekhyun even a nanny, would he be offended if Jongin labeled him as such?
He probably wouldn’t be, he doesn’t look like the type to be offended by such little things. Though, Jongin isn’t usually good in figuring people out, Sehun’s good at it, even if he keeps it all to himself anyways. Like how he never told Jongin that he’d figured he was lonely that night when they almost slept together.
It wasn’t really an almost-it’s just Jongin doesn’t remember any of it so all Sehun told him was that it almost happened and well, Jongin blamed it on the alcohol, but Sehun told him much later that he knew it wasn’t the alcohol because Jongin got drunk once and it didn’t end up in them fu-almost fucking.
Minah’s voice starts invading his ears and he turns to look at her, startling back to reality only to realize he’s been holding the bottle away from her mouth and she’s close to wailing at this point so he just hands it to her and watches her with a smile as she immediately puts in her mouth.
“Sorry, I went a little in my bubble world.” He mumbles, leaning in close to her face and sighing when she barely looks up at him, sparing him a second of attention before returning to her milk.
“Milk over your dad?” Jongin tsks, and goes to take the seat facing hers. It’s great that she can sit now; thinking back on the time when she couldn’t do much, not even hold her baby bottle made him already feel nostalgic.
Sehun would probably mock him, but really, time goes by so fast he’s afraid she’s going to grow so much at one point he won’t even have time to see it pass by.
It’s a bit fascinating, he always wanted to grow up so badly and never once considered how his parents saw him, but sitting there and facing Minah with half of her bottle emptied, there’s a lump in his throat as he thinks about the time when she’ll start being that way too.
She will probably ask him to stop calling her nicknames if he ever gives her some along the way, she’ll probably not like the same things as him, and she might like boys he won’t like.
Soon as his mind wanders off to that direction he knows he needs to stop, he tends to think too much about the future when he’s not sure of where it goes and one thing is sure, being a father has brought upon him this uncertainty about anything he ever does with his daughter.
Those uncertainties are based on some fears he has, which apparently are normal fears, or so it was said on the father forum he checked during the first month. But really, no matter how some overcome the fears, Jongin doesn’t think he will ever overcome his. He’s always going to be scared to screw this, screw her over, make her turn worse than he was with his parents.
If she ever hated who he was to the point of wanting to cut ties at one point, he wouldn’t know what to do, how to react, he doesn’t even like the thought of it right now. It makes him think back about how his parents must have felt when he told them he wasn’t their son anymore and-Jongin shakes his head, he doesn’t like thinking about it.
Fortunately, Minah’s bottle is now empty and she starts making happy noises that distracts him.
He should call someone, Sehun maybe, what’s the day today? He’s not sure anymore, but he pulls his phone out, mimicking Minah’s voices and sounds while she laughs and just goes on and on even after Jongin stops so he can answer when he hears Sehun’s voice.
“By all means, continue to make stupid sounds while you’re on speakers.” Sehun laughs at the end of the line.
“What?” There’s a frown on Jongin’s face as he reaches a hand that Minah’s fingers closes on, only being able to hold onto his thumb, so he forms a fist and sticks it out for her.
“Nothing, why are you calling?”
It’s not nothing, but Jongin’s too distracted to care.
“Come over, Minah wants to see you.”
“More like you want to see me.”
“Maybe.” Jongin sighs, “You’re coming or not?”
“Yeah, okay, I have nothing to do so tell Minah to wait for me, I’ll bring her gifts.”
“What about me? Can I have gifts too?”
Sehun scoffs, “Hell no.”
Jongin expects the answer that comes but he huffs at it anyways, sticking his tongue out as Minah looks up at him, as if she knows what’s being said over the phone involves her. She just giggles and Jongin’s face softens, until she leans in to try to stick his thumb in her mouth and he shakes his head.
“See ya.” He quickly tells Sehun and hangs up, then, “Don’t eat that, you naughty girl.”
She laughs even more and then starts whining in her high chair so Jongin stands up and opens it to pull her out,. She rests her head on his shoulder when he takes her in his arms and he sighs, looking around the room, feeling a bit odd at how quiet it just feels right now.
He did good by calling Sehun because after having had company for so long, it’s just so quiet he could go insane with it. The way Minah is also reacting oddly calmly compared to her usual mood swings makes it even worse.
“You miss him too don’t you?” Jongin asks his daughter, knowing well she probably doesn’t understand what he means, but going on anyways, “It’s different now, isn’t it?” he sighs and presses his mouth against the top of her head.
“Maybe we could wait for him until he gets home.” Though he’s sure Minah will be asleep, but he could wait. He also frowns as something comes back in his mind about yesterday night, but shakes it away with his bangs moving along with the gesture, can’t be, he thinks with a sigh, worrying his bottom lip, teeth lightly sunk in the flesh.
As he moves to stand up and make Minah burp, his eyes fall on the note he found this morning when he woke up and he frowns as a moue settles on his face, if not for this, it would have felt like Baekhyun never ever lived in this house. Well, that and how empty the house seemed without him around.
He might have dreamed it, whatever happened yesterday he decides, because Baekhyun doesn’t look like the type to just let that kind of thing slide by. So he probably would have wanted to confront Jongin about it, if he didn’t, it must mean it never happened.
Even if it doesn’t make it less mortifying, because that means Jongin dreamed about Baekhyun and alright, the guy isn’t so bad-be honest-Jongin shakes his head, he’s being honest, he’s just his employer, not even for that long yet and even if he somehow grew an attraction to Baekhyun, it wouldn’t lead anywhere.
He’s got already a big messed up life, a daughter to raise, a career to not let crumble and relationships he only knows how to screw so far. The only people who actually stayed and still stand him without any faking, the ones he trust through anything are Chanyeol, Luhan and Sehun, and he might never actually get less lonely with them but at least, he knows no matter what they’ll never turn their backs on him.
At least, he hopes that never happens.
Sehun shows up and Jongin isn’t that surprised when two other heads he hasn’t invited show up as well, Luhan passes right behind his stretched arm and immediately starts calling for Minah.
“She’s not a little dog you know.” Chanyeol reprimands, also ignoring common manners and lifting Jongin’s arm so he can follow right behind Luhan.
Never mind, Jongin thinks as Sehun pats his shoulder and walks inside with him, closing the door behind them, those might not be the friends he was referring to earlier. Luhan ignores Chanyeol complains as they found Minah on the carpet of the living room, holding a bouncing ball and running after it as she drops it and picks her up right before Chanyeol can do so.
“Hah, got her first.” He chimes then, holding her up and swirling away from Chanyeol’s grasp.
“You have to share.” Chanyeol exclaims, following Luhan with a pout he sometimes wears well when he wants to get what he wants.
“Don’t treat my daughter like a toy.” Jongin protests, standing still, arms crossed over his chest, but there’s an amused smile on his face that tells them he’s not being that serious.
“How else are we supposed to treat her?” Luhan asks, looking serious for a moment as he rocks Minah in his arms and looks over her shoulders, finally seeming to acknowledge this is Jongin’s house and Jongin is his friend.
“Like a baby?” Jongin frowns, rolling his eyes at even answering the question when he knows he’s only being teased, like always.
“Maybe he’s just being his grumpy self.” Chanyeol adds in, suddenly happier now that he can touch Minah since Luhan’s stopped moving, he pokes her cheek until she starts chasing after his finger to gnaw at it with her growing teeth.
Jongin watches with a sort of delight as Chanyeol winces and quickly pulls his hand out.
“Oh, did I forget to tell you she’s teething?”
Chanyeol shots him a glare as he snickers, his eyes moving to Sehun who follows with Jongin’s amused little laughter, before he sighs and steps away from Luhan and Minah, suddenly tuning a serious expression on his face.
“Well, I’m not here to play anyways.” He suddenly announces.
Jongin knows this face, if Chanyeol shows it, it means there’s no room for jokes or plays anymore, just work. So that must be why he showed up too.
“We should head somewhere else.” He adds and Jongin nods.
He starts following Chanyeol to his office, but not before turning around to tell Sehun, “Don’t let him eat my baby.” While tilting his chin to Luhan who somehow catches the words and grabs a cushion, hitting him in the chest with it.
“Go away.”
Jongin laughs, throwing the cushion back at Sehun who catches it and falls on the couch where Luhan’s also made himself comfortable, with Minah on his lap, struggling until he lets her down on the carpet so she can chase after her ball again.
“What is it?” Jongin asks soon as he closes the door and turns to face Chanyeol handing him some papers.
“I found her.” He just says.
Jongin takes hold of the papers, a frown on his face as he starts flipping through the pages it holds, he’s asking “Who?” as he does so, but Chanyeol doesn’t need to answer, he sees the name and immediately recognizes it as the one left on the note that accompanied Minah’s basket when she got dropped off at the front of his door.
“You were still looking for her? I thought I told you not to.” Jongin mutters, quickly shutting the information away from his eyes and raising an annoyed expression at Chanyeol.
“Yeah, but well, you might need it one day, I didn’t just look for her, I looked for where she might be and it looks like she’s living a good life while you’re here taking care of a daughter you both made.” Chanyeol tries to explain, looking a bit sheepish as he scratches the back of his head.
That’s like him though, Jongin has to give him that, he always does thigns he knows will be good for his friends, or at least thinks will be good for them.
“It’s her life, she didn’t want Minah in it.” He knows that part all too well, and he doesn’t blame her. He didn’t want her either when she got dropped off at the front of her door, but guess he just isn’t as selfish as the woman who brought her to life.
“You can’t blame her, her career would take a toll if someone ever found out.” Jongin shrugs again, walking to his desktop and dropping the papers in the trash bin next to it. “I don’t need this.” He adds and shrugs.
“You’re sure?” Chanyeol asks.
Jongin nods, he’s sure of it, he might have had some doubt if it was months ago, but right now he really has no doubt as to whether or not he wants her to have anything to do in Minah’s life, the answer being that he really doesn’t want her to come back. This is her choice, and she better keep to it, knowing her though, he knows she will, she’s always been as selfish as ever from the first time he met her before she got to the top.
“Alright,” Chanyeol adds, laughing a bit while lowering his head and straightening, “That’s a good choice.” He says again and pats Jongin’s head, in a gesture Jongin recoils at and quickly moves away from.
“You need to stop doing that.” He groans, annoyed.
“Why? It’s so fun to see you get all adorably mad.” Chanyeol just laughs and does it again.
“Stop, why do I keep up with this?” Jongin retaliates by swatting his hand away hard enough for it to hurt, he hopes it hurts as he starts walking out of the office.
Chanyeol just bursts out laughing behind him, holding his hand against his chest and rubbing it lightly, “Hey, where’s Baekhyun?”
Jongin stops at the door, “Went to a party.”
“You let him go?” Chanyeol asks, following behind as Jongin opens the door to go back to the living room.
“Hm, yeah?”
“Why? He could meet someone new and get swept away!”
“Was I supposed to lock him and tell him not to go?” Jongin snorts, barely sparing a glance at Chanyeol who rushes to his side and bumps his shoulder with his.
“Of course! Reserve him for me, or at least try to stir things up with him?”
“Stir-you always have such absurd thoughts.” He sighs, not knowing if this should sound funny or not, but somehow he ends up laughing a bit. Trust Chanyeol to say things related to events that you’ve tried to hide away, Jongin thinks as his tongue quickly swipes at his bottom lip, tucking in and purses his mouth.
“It’s not absurd, you haven’t gotten laid for months, well ever since Minah came in and even before that.”
“Alright, stop right here, there won't ever be anything between us because-” Jongin stops to turn around as Chanyeol interrupts him.
“Don’t bring the employee and employer bullshit into this, it’s a stupid excuse, if you like the guy you should just go for it, or even for just a little fuck, you might regret it if you don’t od anything before he leaves.”
Jongin’s almost tempted to say that something did happen, but then his mind catches on, it was a dream and he shakes his head, maybe a little bit too late because Chanyeol’s face brightens.
“Something happened?!” He says a bit too loud and Jongin tries to deny it, because no it didn’t happen but then all ears and attention’s on him now and there’s no getting out of this is there?
“Nothing happened.” It’s not a lie, but well, if the subconscious mind really dreamed of things you wished happen, then-he takes a deep breath in and cannot believe the flush that starts to creep up his cheeks, “I just had a dream,” He mumbles and as soon as he sees them all looking a bit too expectant and amused he shakes his head and arms, “It wasn’t that kind of dream!” he quickly protests before Sehun can even open that mouth of his and talk about anything related to Jongin’s sexual frustrations.
“Then what kind?” Sehun asks, since he already had his mouth open.
“I don’t know,” Jongin frowns, now that he has to say it outloud, it sounds a bit more embarrassing and he really shouldn’t say this out loud, it might make things a bit too real, might make the dream turn into a want he doesn’t need right now.
“Spill it.” Chanyeol’s hand meets his back a bit too violently and he stumbles forward with a wince.
“A kiss, it was just a kiss, I think I kissed him.”
“You dreamed or you did it?” Sehun again, asks, looking suddenly all too interested.
“It was a dream.” At least he thinks it was a dream, or more like he hopes it was one, it can’t be real, that’d be bad.
“You don’t look too sure.”
Jongin walks to the couch and shoves Sehun away so he can settle down on it, “I’m sure, certain, absolutely sure.” He nods along to his words and tries to pay more attention to Minah coming towards him as he holds his arms out to her once she posts him than to the snickering he can hear around him.
“Was it good then?” Chanyeol bursts through the obvious mocking laughter and Jongin doesn’t even want to answer that, so he ignores Chanyeol’s question, even as it is repeated and then repeated in a more annoying way, until he’s whining and Luhan has to slap the back of his head for him to stop.
“That hurts.” Chanyeol starts whining to Luhan now who chains on in a bickering where Sehun just enters to back up Luhan and annoy Chanyeol just even more.
Jongin laughs at their voices, at Minah jumping on his lap until she looks up at him as he stops and he sighs. It’s not like the kiss lasted for more than a second, so he can’t say if it was good or not, just that it was soft and brief, so brief that it could only be an illusion, something so subtle only his subconscious could have made it.
But somehow, maybe, he should ask Baekhyun if anything happened.
It’s not that it’s boring, or that he can’t have fun at a party, but guess he just isn’t used to it. Where he is from, when they say a party is going down, it means most of the people who are going to be there don’t even reach the number of twenty, because there isn’t that many young people there since they all leave for bigger dreams.
So it’s quite a change, sitting at the bar where Jongdae left him an hour ago, he knows the time because he’s been stuck on his phone, sending texts to Kyungsoo.
[To: soosoo
From: baek
Text: it’s not that boring, they are so many people, that’s all.]
He’s waiting for Kyungsoo’s reply as he finally downs the second glass of some drink he doesn’t even remember the name of. The bartender asked what he wanted and he just said whatever’s good, only to end up with the bitterest type of drink he’s ever tasted. It burns down his throat, and he could order something else, but what if the choice only got worse?
Which is why he got stuck with a second glass, but thinking back on it, his logic is quite stupid.
His phone vibrate finally getting a reply but before he can tend to it, someone’s hand snatches it and he looks up, letting out a protesting sound that ends up in a smile when he sees Jongdae.
“Give it back.” Baekhyun asks, holding his hand out.
“No, you’ve been on this thing for an hour when I’m sure I’ve seen some people interested in chatting you up, I didn’t bring you here for you to look so sullen.” Jongdae grins then and Baekhyun can tell, he’s had a bit to drink from his breath, which isn’t such a bad thing, he’s been drinking too but Jongdae leans in and almost stumbles forward, which shows he might have taken more than two drinks.
“Oops, sorry, but hey, why aren’t you having fun?” He asks, leaning against Baekhyun’s side and sliding an arm across his back. Baekhyun’s noticed Jongdae’s the type to get chummy with about anyone even at first meeting and he’s also the same for sure, but still, he’s plastered a bit too close into his comfort zone.
“I don’t know.” Baekhyun shrugs, giving out a white lie.
“Will I have to get you drunk so you can at least move your body?” Jongdae threatens but there’s a chuckle that follows his words, “Wait.” He seems to get an idea as he pulls away much to Baekhyun’s relief who relaxes in his chair and reaches for his phone, still in Jongdae’s grasp.
“I know what could get you to loosen up.” Jongdae’s hand quickly tighten around the phone as he catches Baekhyun’s action and he hides it behind him.
“Oh, what is it?” Baekhyun asks, with a frown, guess he would have to get along with whatever plan Jongdae has in his little mind now if he wanted to get his phone back.
“Follow me.” Jongdae says, immediately grabbing Baekhyun’s arm and tugging him off the high chair. Baekhyun makes to protest, but he stumbles a bit on his feet, looks like he wasn’t so far from getting drunk, he doesn’t have the time to ponder on it though before he’s dragged all the way through the dancing crowd, music banging in his ears loud enough to have him cringe until the noises fade and he realizes Jongdae dragged him to another room.
Baekhyun feels himself being freed as he looks around the room, but he can barely see anything, it’s filled with smoke and there’s still music, but not too loud, just enough to hide people’s voices when they’re talking. He can spot various forms on the couch, or on the ground and as Jongdae walks in while Baekhyun wonders how he even finds his way with barely any lights in the room, someone stands up and walks up to them.
“Was wondering where you went.” The guy says as he stops by Jongdae’s side and slips his arm around his shoulders, then looks behind at Baekhyun, “Who’s that?”
It’s quite rude because he just stares at Baekhyun for awhile and waits for Jongdae to pull on his arm and make him stand at the other side, “Baekhyun,” then say that, as if it’s good enough of an answer (turns out it is because the guy just nods), but Baekhyun’s too tipsy to say anything back so he just accepts his hand when the guy stretches his arm and introduces himself.
“Yixing.” He says as Baekhyun grabs hold of his hand, giving it a light shake.
Baekhyun gives a curt nod, and anyways Jongdae who pats Yixing’s back, “Bring me one” interrupts him with this sort of order and is there some kind of code under Jongdae’s words? Because it seems he never ends his sentences but Yixing gets it anyways all he does is nod, go back inside of the room where Baekhyun follows with narrowed eyes, the smoke’s been disappearing for awhile, or maybe his eyes are just getting adjusted to the sight.
“What is he going to bring and where’s all this smoke from?” Baekhyun inquires, not minding anymore the way Jongdae plasters himself against his side, laughing a bit against his neck, breath warm and a bit moist.
“A little something, you’ll like it.”
Baekhyun’s not so sure about the statement that he will like it, especially since he’s starting to get a little idea when he takes a good look around and he shakes his head, if this is what he thinks it is, if those people are actually smoking something else than a usual smoke and if those in the back are sniffing on what he might consider is drugs-why is he censoring in his mind again-he shakes his head and shrugs Jongdae’s head off his shoulder.
“Hm, drugs?” Baekhyun asks, turning to give Jongdae what he hops is his best are you fucking with me? look.
“It’s not that bad.” Jongdae tries to reassure him but Baekhyun’s already backing away a little.
“Look, I have nothing against you doing it or anyone else who does it for that matter, weed or anything else, but I’d rather you don’t try to pull me in this.” He definitely didn’t leave his family behind to fall in that, and he definitely wouldn’t just sit and smoke what he now recognizes as joints when Yixing comes back and holds two to them.
Jongdae takes them both and tilts his head, giving Baekhyun a grin, like he hasn’t understood that it’s a no from Baekhyun and hands him one.
“So you’re not going to try?” Jongdae asks, already putting his against his lips, he gives a casual shrug as Baekhyun doesn’t answer, just quirks an eyebrow and slides his hands in his pockets, as a sigh escapes his lips and he shakes his head.
“I think I’ll head home.” Maybe this wasn’t such a good idea after all.
“Come o-” Jongdae looks a bit taken aback as he stops and hands the joints to Yixing who immediately nonchalantly pulls on one of them.
“No really, I have work tomorrow too.” Baekhyun is already walking out of the room with Jongdae following behind.
“Hey, Baekhyun, wait.” Jongdae calls and this time manage to grab Baekhyun’s elbow before he can lose him in the crowd, “I’m sorry.” He says soon as Baekhyun stops and turns around. Truth be told, it’s not Jongdae’s fault, he’s probably used to this and he just wants to make Baekhyun feel more at ease and it’s appreciated really, maybe he’s taken this a little bit too wrong.
“Don’t be, it’s just.” Baekhyun sighs, “I didn’t come here for this, it’s not just you though I’ve been trying to forget something and yeah, it would help if I took a joint or two but then I wouldn’t feel good about it afterwards.”
“I get it, I shouldn’t have just-look, it’s fine, but don’t be mad at me.”
“That’s a bit too much to ask for,” Baekhyun scoffs, pulling his arm free, “Let me be mad until tomorrow at least, then I’ll drop by your music store tomorrow and we’ll talk.” He adds as the only way to say that it’s alright, he won’t stay mad forever and well, aside from this little incident that really got out of hand, Jongdae’s not so bad to hang around.
“Alright, that sounds good.” He grins at Baekhyun who reaches a hand to pat his shoulder.
“I’ll leave now.”
“Wait.” Jongdae stops him again before he can turn around and it takes him about three seconds before shaking his head and letting out a sigh, “Nevermind, I’ll see you tomorrow.”
Baekhyun nods, a bit curious as to what he’d been up to saying but shrugs it off and starts walking away.
It doesn’t even take him ten minutes out of the party to feel bad about how he just went ahead and kind of made a dick of himself. Still, not taking the joint was a good thing, he really wouldn’t have been proud afterwards, but he could have at least acted like he enjoyed himself, even if he didn’t.
He’s pretty sure he will apologize tomorrow, soon as he can.
But now that he’s out of the suffocating atmosphere, there’s nothing but the fresh breeze that hits him and clears his mind, starting to think about where he’s going is just a normal thing, even though he’s stil not sure if calling it home in his mind is even a good idea. It can’t be home since it’s not the place where he’ll be staying indefinitely, there will be a day where he has to leave, hell he even knows when he’ll have to leave.
Still, Baekhyun’s been thinking and there’s just this sense of belonging that he just feels towards it, maybe because of Minah. Who wouldn’t want to belong where she is? Probably that people who don’t like babies wouldn’t, but he’s grown fond of her so quickly, it’s easy to not think too much about anything else.
Also, Baekhyun’s not the type to run away from problems. He really isn’t, he’s honest with his own feelings and everything else, and he can recognize when he’s being a coward or not and he just knows what he did this morning was run away like a coward. Man, how old is he again?
He should be able to handle getting kissed a bit less emotionally than right out walking out of the apartment like he did, in the morning when his meeting with Jongdae was during the night. Because of that he had to walk and visit a lot and sit at the music store for about ten long hours before they could head to the club.
Maybe that’s why he ended up in such a pissy mood. So maybe he’s a bit too old to make such a big deal out of a kiss, though twenty and more isn’t that old. Or maybe it’s jus that he’s not even sure of the reason why it bothers him so much, so much that he isn’t even sure of how he will react if he sees Jongin right now.
The thing is, it was so subtle, so fast, gone before Baekhyun even realized it, just as the compliment was also brushed aside so quickly, but then he was left with a sort of frozen mind afterwards and with this panic in his chest that had him just walking out of the room, mind blank, heart at his throat until he was in his room, feeling a bit safe but with a sense of downing reality that this fucking stupid shit affected him and feeling a bit angry at himself.
That’s right, anger, it’s also a feeling he went through the whole day while browsing through everything without being able to focus on anything but this boiling feeling in the pit of his stomach as to why did Jongin do that?
Yeah, he was half-asleep, maybe even asleep, so there was also the possibility that he might have taken Baekhyun for someone else, maybe someone in his dream. Soon as the thought comes back to him, Baekhyun stops as he steps out of the taxi and balls his fists at his sides, that’s frustrating, he isn’t even sure if it holds anything or if he has to just let it go.
He’s been trying to figure a way to approach this, like he could go about it as if nothing happened, chances are Jongin might not even remember it. But the prospect of Jongin not remembering having kissed him is also something that makes him want to hit him square in his face because it’d mean Baekhyun’s been biting his nails off it and he’s just been normal.
But then-then at the end of it all he has to still go up the building, get inside of the apartment and if Jongin’s still awake face him with the most unsuspicious expressions he can pull off. He can do that, of course, if it was nothing to Jongin then it can also be nothing to him. Actually why does he even need to persuade himself of that? Of course, it’s nothing.
It’s not that much of a relieving thought, but it has enough strength to let him finally step inside of the apartment, feeling a bit better about this whole pathetic thinking, he’s even tempted to pat himself on the back and maybe whisper a fighting out loud, but he just ends up saying it in his head.
That’s even more pathetic, but it doesn’t matter anymore.
It’s like God was just waiting for him to finally come back home so he could face reality, because soon as he closes the door-even before it clicks and locks itself automatically Jongin’s voice catches him off guard and he turns around startling a bit.
“Sorry.” Jongin says when he notices Baekhyun got a bit scared, “I didn’t mean to-scare you, I just,” he stops as Baekhyun waves a hand.
“It’s okay.” No, it’s not okay, this is not alright at all, what if he’d gotten a heart attack, hell he could have died, but he really doesn’t think he can say all of that with how tight his throat is and he might have to explain why he’s so jumpy just because Jongin said hi soon as he walks in, it’s normal of him to do that, of course.
“How was it?” Jongin asks then, he’s on the couch and alone apparently, though there are a lot of things that kind of tells Baekhyun other people have been there.
“Hm,” He answers absentmindedly and catches the question only when his eyes that are drifting aside fall on Jongin, who has his eyebrows quirked up, waiting, “What-sorry, I didn’t catch that.”
“Are you okay?” Jongin ends up asking instead.
It gets worse when Jongin gets off the couch and Baekhyun realizes he’s wearing just a pair of sweatpants, and wait how come he didn’t realize that detail before so he could have avoided having to look away and then scolding himself because god dman it, Baekhyun, he’s a guy.
“I’m okay, yeah, just a bit tired.” Which isn’t that true, and he suddenly remembers that he’s had two drinks and it might be the reason why his mind is such a jumble right now as he also walks towards Jongin at the same time as Jongin comes toward him.
“Did you-have company?” He asks, waving a hand towards the bags of chips and bowls empty of food on the table.
“Yeah.” Jongin’s eyes follows his hand then comes back to him, “Chanyeol, that you’ve met and two other friends, as well as Minah who was great company.”
Soon as he hears her name Baekhyun laughs a little, realizing he’s missed her. At least one thing he looked forward to coming back to today. Which is why he kissed her goodbye before leaving this morning of course and made sure to leave a note to Jongin about how he’s to not give her anything bad and treat her well while he’s away.
“Is she asleep?” Although by the way the apartment is so quiet, he knows the answer before he sees Jongin nods.
“Say,” Jongin talks before he can put another word out, before he can excuse himself then at this given opportunity flee this awkward conversation and possibly fall asleep soon as he hits his bed.
Baekhyun stops instead because he’s sort of cornered, he didn’t realize it, but he hasn’t stopped moving forward and Jongin too, kept walking till it dawns on him that they just ended up a little too close and Baekhyun takes a step forward soon as they come to an halt.
“Did-” Jongin starts then stops, he’s looking nervous, Baekhyun knows it from how he just avoids eye contact, which isn’t such a big deal right now because Baekhyun’s doing all eh can to not stare too because god, is it because he’s a model that Jongin doesn’t see any problems in being so close to someone else while being bare chest?
It’s probably that, and also maybe because he doesn’t really know about Baekhyun, that too yeah, but then again that might also mean that the reason why he kissed Baekhyun yesterday was because he took him for-worse situation ever-a girl, maybe Minah’s mother?
Baekhyun’s catching himself in his thoughts with a bitter feeling sticking in his mouth and he suddenly wants to just walk past Jongin and let everything wash away over the night, the influence of the alcohol is making him easy to irritate at any given moment and he doesn’t like it, he says really stupid things when he’s irritated.
He’s so caught up in his thoughts, that he doesn’t even catch anything of what Jongin’s saying when he finally comes back down, because he hears his name, as a faint echo then louder until he’s certain he can make out Jongin’s voice.
“Baekhyun?”
Soon as he blinks back to reality he also blinks up to a Jongin hat looks much closer than he was before and Baekhyun jolts back, with a low yelp that has him taking a step too quick behind and almost stumbling. He waits for the fall, but is even more afraid when it doesn’t come because there isn’t any other possibilities than the one he doesn’t think he will like when he realizes he’s stabilized still by hands gripping his elbows.
“I should,” Baekhyun starts, stuttering a bit, heat flowing to his face as he shoves Jongin away a bit too suddenly and just has the time to apologize quickly, “I’m sorry, I’m a bit tipsy and I need to lay down or-rest-no sleep, so can we, hm talk tomorrow? I really-I should.” He doesn’t finish his sentence; there isn’t much to be said as he quickly makes his way past Jongin before anything else can be said and rushes to his room.
Yes, he feels a bit ashamed once he’s in his room but soon as he flops down on his bed and buries his face in his pillows, he doesn’t think he has it in himself to feel bad about it right now.
Pairing: jongin/baekhyun
Genre: romance
Rating: pg-13
Summary: jongin didn't plan on being a father so soon, nor did baekhyun plan on enrolling as a permanent babysitter, but that's life, things never go the way you want them to.
Disclaimer: I just own the story, none of the boys.
a/n: I'm so sorry it took so long, been trying to get back to it after breaking the chain when I got sick and ajhds this chapter was so hard to write i'm sorry cries a little.
chapter one | chapter two | chapter three |
It’s been awhile since the last time he’s had Minah all for himself, with no one else in the apartment but her usual either cheery voice, which wasn’t so cheery right now but quite close to the usual screeching she’d produce from her vocal chords when she was hungry.
Jongin’s trying to finish warming her bottle, which-true, Baekhyun warned him that he better not get her back on baby bottles until she’s used to the baby food, but he’s not the best cook around here, unless some nanny-babysitter, is Baekhyun even a nanny, would he be offended if Jongin labeled him as such?
He probably wouldn’t be, he doesn’t look like the type to be offended by such little things. Though, Jongin isn’t usually good in figuring people out, Sehun’s good at it, even if he keeps it all to himself anyways. Like how he never told Jongin that he’d figured he was lonely that night when they almost slept together.
It wasn’t really an almost-it’s just Jongin doesn’t remember any of it so all Sehun told him was that it almost happened and well, Jongin blamed it on the alcohol, but Sehun told him much later that he knew it wasn’t the alcohol because Jongin got drunk once and it didn’t end up in them fu-almost fucking.
Minah’s voice starts invading his ears and he turns to look at her, startling back to reality only to realize he’s been holding the bottle away from her mouth and she’s close to wailing at this point so he just hands it to her and watches her with a smile as she immediately puts in her mouth.
“Sorry, I went a little in my bubble world.” He mumbles, leaning in close to her face and sighing when she barely looks up at him, sparing him a second of attention before returning to her milk.
“Milk over your dad?” Jongin tsks, and goes to take the seat facing hers. It’s great that she can sit now; thinking back on the time when she couldn’t do much, not even hold her baby bottle made him already feel nostalgic.
Sehun would probably mock him, but really, time goes by so fast he’s afraid she’s going to grow so much at one point he won’t even have time to see it pass by.
It’s a bit fascinating, he always wanted to grow up so badly and never once considered how his parents saw him, but sitting there and facing Minah with half of her bottle emptied, there’s a lump in his throat as he thinks about the time when she’ll start being that way too.
She will probably ask him to stop calling her nicknames if he ever gives her some along the way, she’ll probably not like the same things as him, and she might like boys he won’t like.
Soon as his mind wanders off to that direction he knows he needs to stop, he tends to think too much about the future when he’s not sure of where it goes and one thing is sure, being a father has brought upon him this uncertainty about anything he ever does with his daughter.
Those uncertainties are based on some fears he has, which apparently are normal fears, or so it was said on the father forum he checked during the first month. But really, no matter how some overcome the fears, Jongin doesn’t think he will ever overcome his. He’s always going to be scared to screw this, screw her over, make her turn worse than he was with his parents.
If she ever hated who he was to the point of wanting to cut ties at one point, he wouldn’t know what to do, how to react, he doesn’t even like the thought of it right now. It makes him think back about how his parents must have felt when he told them he wasn’t their son anymore and-Jongin shakes his head, he doesn’t like thinking about it.
Fortunately, Minah’s bottle is now empty and she starts making happy noises that distracts him.
He should call someone, Sehun maybe, what’s the day today? He’s not sure anymore, but he pulls his phone out, mimicking Minah’s voices and sounds while she laughs and just goes on and on even after Jongin stops so he can answer when he hears Sehun’s voice.
“By all means, continue to make stupid sounds while you’re on speakers.” Sehun laughs at the end of the line.
“What?” There’s a frown on Jongin’s face as he reaches a hand that Minah’s fingers closes on, only being able to hold onto his thumb, so he forms a fist and sticks it out for her.
“Nothing, why are you calling?”
It’s not nothing, but Jongin’s too distracted to care.
“Come over, Minah wants to see you.”
“More like you want to see me.”
“Maybe.” Jongin sighs, “You’re coming or not?”
“Yeah, okay, I have nothing to do so tell Minah to wait for me, I’ll bring her gifts.”
“What about me? Can I have gifts too?”
Sehun scoffs, “Hell no.”
Jongin expects the answer that comes but he huffs at it anyways, sticking his tongue out as Minah looks up at him, as if she knows what’s being said over the phone involves her. She just giggles and Jongin’s face softens, until she leans in to try to stick his thumb in her mouth and he shakes his head.
“See ya.” He quickly tells Sehun and hangs up, then, “Don’t eat that, you naughty girl.”
She laughs even more and then starts whining in her high chair so Jongin stands up and opens it to pull her out,. She rests her head on his shoulder when he takes her in his arms and he sighs, looking around the room, feeling a bit odd at how quiet it just feels right now.
He did good by calling Sehun because after having had company for so long, it’s just so quiet he could go insane with it. The way Minah is also reacting oddly calmly compared to her usual mood swings makes it even worse.
“You miss him too don’t you?” Jongin asks his daughter, knowing well she probably doesn’t understand what he means, but going on anyways, “It’s different now, isn’t it?” he sighs and presses his mouth against the top of her head.
“Maybe we could wait for him until he gets home.” Though he’s sure Minah will be asleep, but he could wait. He also frowns as something comes back in his mind about yesterday night, but shakes it away with his bangs moving along with the gesture, can’t be, he thinks with a sigh, worrying his bottom lip, teeth lightly sunk in the flesh.
As he moves to stand up and make Minah burp, his eyes fall on the note he found this morning when he woke up and he frowns as a moue settles on his face, if not for this, it would have felt like Baekhyun never ever lived in this house. Well, that and how empty the house seemed without him around.
He might have dreamed it, whatever happened yesterday he decides, because Baekhyun doesn’t look like the type to just let that kind of thing slide by. So he probably would have wanted to confront Jongin about it, if he didn’t, it must mean it never happened.
Even if it doesn’t make it less mortifying, because that means Jongin dreamed about Baekhyun and alright, the guy isn’t so bad-be honest-Jongin shakes his head, he’s being honest, he’s just his employer, not even for that long yet and even if he somehow grew an attraction to Baekhyun, it wouldn’t lead anywhere.
He’s got already a big messed up life, a daughter to raise, a career to not let crumble and relationships he only knows how to screw so far. The only people who actually stayed and still stand him without any faking, the ones he trust through anything are Chanyeol, Luhan and Sehun, and he might never actually get less lonely with them but at least, he knows no matter what they’ll never turn their backs on him.
At least, he hopes that never happens.
Sehun shows up and Jongin isn’t that surprised when two other heads he hasn’t invited show up as well, Luhan passes right behind his stretched arm and immediately starts calling for Minah.
“She’s not a little dog you know.” Chanyeol reprimands, also ignoring common manners and lifting Jongin’s arm so he can follow right behind Luhan.
Never mind, Jongin thinks as Sehun pats his shoulder and walks inside with him, closing the door behind them, those might not be the friends he was referring to earlier. Luhan ignores Chanyeol complains as they found Minah on the carpet of the living room, holding a bouncing ball and running after it as she drops it and picks her up right before Chanyeol can do so.
“Hah, got her first.” He chimes then, holding her up and swirling away from Chanyeol’s grasp.
“You have to share.” Chanyeol exclaims, following Luhan with a pout he sometimes wears well when he wants to get what he wants.
“Don’t treat my daughter like a toy.” Jongin protests, standing still, arms crossed over his chest, but there’s an amused smile on his face that tells them he’s not being that serious.
“How else are we supposed to treat her?” Luhan asks, looking serious for a moment as he rocks Minah in his arms and looks over her shoulders, finally seeming to acknowledge this is Jongin’s house and Jongin is his friend.
“Like a baby?” Jongin frowns, rolling his eyes at even answering the question when he knows he’s only being teased, like always.
“Maybe he’s just being his grumpy self.” Chanyeol adds in, suddenly happier now that he can touch Minah since Luhan’s stopped moving, he pokes her cheek until she starts chasing after his finger to gnaw at it with her growing teeth.
Jongin watches with a sort of delight as Chanyeol winces and quickly pulls his hand out.
“Oh, did I forget to tell you she’s teething?”
Chanyeol shots him a glare as he snickers, his eyes moving to Sehun who follows with Jongin’s amused little laughter, before he sighs and steps away from Luhan and Minah, suddenly tuning a serious expression on his face.
“Well, I’m not here to play anyways.” He suddenly announces.
Jongin knows this face, if Chanyeol shows it, it means there’s no room for jokes or plays anymore, just work. So that must be why he showed up too.
“We should head somewhere else.” He adds and Jongin nods.
He starts following Chanyeol to his office, but not before turning around to tell Sehun, “Don’t let him eat my baby.” While tilting his chin to Luhan who somehow catches the words and grabs a cushion, hitting him in the chest with it.
“Go away.”
Jongin laughs, throwing the cushion back at Sehun who catches it and falls on the couch where Luhan’s also made himself comfortable, with Minah on his lap, struggling until he lets her down on the carpet so she can chase after her ball again.
“What is it?” Jongin asks soon as he closes the door and turns to face Chanyeol handing him some papers.
“I found her.” He just says.
Jongin takes hold of the papers, a frown on his face as he starts flipping through the pages it holds, he’s asking “Who?” as he does so, but Chanyeol doesn’t need to answer, he sees the name and immediately recognizes it as the one left on the note that accompanied Minah’s basket when she got dropped off at the front of his door.
“You were still looking for her? I thought I told you not to.” Jongin mutters, quickly shutting the information away from his eyes and raising an annoyed expression at Chanyeol.
“Yeah, but well, you might need it one day, I didn’t just look for her, I looked for where she might be and it looks like she’s living a good life while you’re here taking care of a daughter you both made.” Chanyeol tries to explain, looking a bit sheepish as he scratches the back of his head.
That’s like him though, Jongin has to give him that, he always does thigns he knows will be good for his friends, or at least thinks will be good for them.
“It’s her life, she didn’t want Minah in it.” He knows that part all too well, and he doesn’t blame her. He didn’t want her either when she got dropped off at the front of her door, but guess he just isn’t as selfish as the woman who brought her to life.
“You can’t blame her, her career would take a toll if someone ever found out.” Jongin shrugs again, walking to his desktop and dropping the papers in the trash bin next to it. “I don’t need this.” He adds and shrugs.
“You’re sure?” Chanyeol asks.
Jongin nods, he’s sure of it, he might have had some doubt if it was months ago, but right now he really has no doubt as to whether or not he wants her to have anything to do in Minah’s life, the answer being that he really doesn’t want her to come back. This is her choice, and she better keep to it, knowing her though, he knows she will, she’s always been as selfish as ever from the first time he met her before she got to the top.
“Alright,” Chanyeol adds, laughing a bit while lowering his head and straightening, “That’s a good choice.” He says again and pats Jongin’s head, in a gesture Jongin recoils at and quickly moves away from.
“You need to stop doing that.” He groans, annoyed.
“Why? It’s so fun to see you get all adorably mad.” Chanyeol just laughs and does it again.
“Stop, why do I keep up with this?” Jongin retaliates by swatting his hand away hard enough for it to hurt, he hopes it hurts as he starts walking out of the office.
Chanyeol just bursts out laughing behind him, holding his hand against his chest and rubbing it lightly, “Hey, where’s Baekhyun?”
Jongin stops at the door, “Went to a party.”
“You let him go?” Chanyeol asks, following behind as Jongin opens the door to go back to the living room.
“Hm, yeah?”
“Why? He could meet someone new and get swept away!”
“Was I supposed to lock him and tell him not to go?” Jongin snorts, barely sparing a glance at Chanyeol who rushes to his side and bumps his shoulder with his.
“Of course! Reserve him for me, or at least try to stir things up with him?”
“Stir-you always have such absurd thoughts.” He sighs, not knowing if this should sound funny or not, but somehow he ends up laughing a bit. Trust Chanyeol to say things related to events that you’ve tried to hide away, Jongin thinks as his tongue quickly swipes at his bottom lip, tucking in and purses his mouth.
“It’s not absurd, you haven’t gotten laid for months, well ever since Minah came in and even before that.”
“Alright, stop right here, there won't ever be anything between us because-” Jongin stops to turn around as Chanyeol interrupts him.
“Don’t bring the employee and employer bullshit into this, it’s a stupid excuse, if you like the guy you should just go for it, or even for just a little fuck, you might regret it if you don’t od anything before he leaves.”
Jongin’s almost tempted to say that something did happen, but then his mind catches on, it was a dream and he shakes his head, maybe a little bit too late because Chanyeol’s face brightens.
“Something happened?!” He says a bit too loud and Jongin tries to deny it, because no it didn’t happen but then all ears and attention’s on him now and there’s no getting out of this is there?
“Nothing happened.” It’s not a lie, but well, if the subconscious mind really dreamed of things you wished happen, then-he takes a deep breath in and cannot believe the flush that starts to creep up his cheeks, “I just had a dream,” He mumbles and as soon as he sees them all looking a bit too expectant and amused he shakes his head and arms, “It wasn’t that kind of dream!” he quickly protests before Sehun can even open that mouth of his and talk about anything related to Jongin’s sexual frustrations.
“Then what kind?” Sehun asks, since he already had his mouth open.
“I don’t know,” Jongin frowns, now that he has to say it outloud, it sounds a bit more embarrassing and he really shouldn’t say this out loud, it might make things a bit too real, might make the dream turn into a want he doesn’t need right now.
“Spill it.” Chanyeol’s hand meets his back a bit too violently and he stumbles forward with a wince.
“A kiss, it was just a kiss, I think I kissed him.”
“You dreamed or you did it?” Sehun again, asks, looking suddenly all too interested.
“It was a dream.” At least he thinks it was a dream, or more like he hopes it was one, it can’t be real, that’d be bad.
“You don’t look too sure.”
Jongin walks to the couch and shoves Sehun away so he can settle down on it, “I’m sure, certain, absolutely sure.” He nods along to his words and tries to pay more attention to Minah coming towards him as he holds his arms out to her once she posts him than to the snickering he can hear around him.
“Was it good then?” Chanyeol bursts through the obvious mocking laughter and Jongin doesn’t even want to answer that, so he ignores Chanyeol’s question, even as it is repeated and then repeated in a more annoying way, until he’s whining and Luhan has to slap the back of his head for him to stop.
“That hurts.” Chanyeol starts whining to Luhan now who chains on in a bickering where Sehun just enters to back up Luhan and annoy Chanyeol just even more.
Jongin laughs at their voices, at Minah jumping on his lap until she looks up at him as he stops and he sighs. It’s not like the kiss lasted for more than a second, so he can’t say if it was good or not, just that it was soft and brief, so brief that it could only be an illusion, something so subtle only his subconscious could have made it.
But somehow, maybe, he should ask Baekhyun if anything happened.
It’s not that it’s boring, or that he can’t have fun at a party, but guess he just isn’t used to it. Where he is from, when they say a party is going down, it means most of the people who are going to be there don’t even reach the number of twenty, because there isn’t that many young people there since they all leave for bigger dreams.
So it’s quite a change, sitting at the bar where Jongdae left him an hour ago, he knows the time because he’s been stuck on his phone, sending texts to Kyungsoo.
[To: soosoo
From: baek
Text: it’s not that boring, they are so many people, that’s all.]
He’s waiting for Kyungsoo’s reply as he finally downs the second glass of some drink he doesn’t even remember the name of. The bartender asked what he wanted and he just said whatever’s good, only to end up with the bitterest type of drink he’s ever tasted. It burns down his throat, and he could order something else, but what if the choice only got worse?
Which is why he got stuck with a second glass, but thinking back on it, his logic is quite stupid.
His phone vibrate finally getting a reply but before he can tend to it, someone’s hand snatches it and he looks up, letting out a protesting sound that ends up in a smile when he sees Jongdae.
“Give it back.” Baekhyun asks, holding his hand out.
“No, you’ve been on this thing for an hour when I’m sure I’ve seen some people interested in chatting you up, I didn’t bring you here for you to look so sullen.” Jongdae grins then and Baekhyun can tell, he’s had a bit to drink from his breath, which isn’t such a bad thing, he’s been drinking too but Jongdae leans in and almost stumbles forward, which shows he might have taken more than two drinks.
“Oops, sorry, but hey, why aren’t you having fun?” He asks, leaning against Baekhyun’s side and sliding an arm across his back. Baekhyun’s noticed Jongdae’s the type to get chummy with about anyone even at first meeting and he’s also the same for sure, but still, he’s plastered a bit too close into his comfort zone.
“I don’t know.” Baekhyun shrugs, giving out a white lie.
“Will I have to get you drunk so you can at least move your body?” Jongdae threatens but there’s a chuckle that follows his words, “Wait.” He seems to get an idea as he pulls away much to Baekhyun’s relief who relaxes in his chair and reaches for his phone, still in Jongdae’s grasp.
“I know what could get you to loosen up.” Jongdae’s hand quickly tighten around the phone as he catches Baekhyun’s action and he hides it behind him.
“Oh, what is it?” Baekhyun asks, with a frown, guess he would have to get along with whatever plan Jongdae has in his little mind now if he wanted to get his phone back.
“Follow me.” Jongdae says, immediately grabbing Baekhyun’s arm and tugging him off the high chair. Baekhyun makes to protest, but he stumbles a bit on his feet, looks like he wasn’t so far from getting drunk, he doesn’t have the time to ponder on it though before he’s dragged all the way through the dancing crowd, music banging in his ears loud enough to have him cringe until the noises fade and he realizes Jongdae dragged him to another room.
Baekhyun feels himself being freed as he looks around the room, but he can barely see anything, it’s filled with smoke and there’s still music, but not too loud, just enough to hide people’s voices when they’re talking. He can spot various forms on the couch, or on the ground and as Jongdae walks in while Baekhyun wonders how he even finds his way with barely any lights in the room, someone stands up and walks up to them.
“Was wondering where you went.” The guy says as he stops by Jongdae’s side and slips his arm around his shoulders, then looks behind at Baekhyun, “Who’s that?”
It’s quite rude because he just stares at Baekhyun for awhile and waits for Jongdae to pull on his arm and make him stand at the other side, “Baekhyun,” then say that, as if it’s good enough of an answer (turns out it is because the guy just nods), but Baekhyun’s too tipsy to say anything back so he just accepts his hand when the guy stretches his arm and introduces himself.
“Yixing.” He says as Baekhyun grabs hold of his hand, giving it a light shake.
Baekhyun gives a curt nod, and anyways Jongdae who pats Yixing’s back, “Bring me one” interrupts him with this sort of order and is there some kind of code under Jongdae’s words? Because it seems he never ends his sentences but Yixing gets it anyways all he does is nod, go back inside of the room where Baekhyun follows with narrowed eyes, the smoke’s been disappearing for awhile, or maybe his eyes are just getting adjusted to the sight.
“What is he going to bring and where’s all this smoke from?” Baekhyun inquires, not minding anymore the way Jongdae plasters himself against his side, laughing a bit against his neck, breath warm and a bit moist.
“A little something, you’ll like it.”
Baekhyun’s not so sure about the statement that he will like it, especially since he’s starting to get a little idea when he takes a good look around and he shakes his head, if this is what he thinks it is, if those people are actually smoking something else than a usual smoke and if those in the back are sniffing on what he might consider is drugs-why is he censoring in his mind again-he shakes his head and shrugs Jongdae’s head off his shoulder.
“Hm, drugs?” Baekhyun asks, turning to give Jongdae what he hops is his best are you fucking with me? look.
“It’s not that bad.” Jongdae tries to reassure him but Baekhyun’s already backing away a little.
“Look, I have nothing against you doing it or anyone else who does it for that matter, weed or anything else, but I’d rather you don’t try to pull me in this.” He definitely didn’t leave his family behind to fall in that, and he definitely wouldn’t just sit and smoke what he now recognizes as joints when Yixing comes back and holds two to them.
Jongdae takes them both and tilts his head, giving Baekhyun a grin, like he hasn’t understood that it’s a no from Baekhyun and hands him one.
“So you’re not going to try?” Jongdae asks, already putting his against his lips, he gives a casual shrug as Baekhyun doesn’t answer, just quirks an eyebrow and slides his hands in his pockets, as a sigh escapes his lips and he shakes his head.
“I think I’ll head home.” Maybe this wasn’t such a good idea after all.
“Come o-” Jongdae looks a bit taken aback as he stops and hands the joints to Yixing who immediately nonchalantly pulls on one of them.
“No really, I have work tomorrow too.” Baekhyun is already walking out of the room with Jongdae following behind.
“Hey, Baekhyun, wait.” Jongdae calls and this time manage to grab Baekhyun’s elbow before he can lose him in the crowd, “I’m sorry.” He says soon as Baekhyun stops and turns around. Truth be told, it’s not Jongdae’s fault, he’s probably used to this and he just wants to make Baekhyun feel more at ease and it’s appreciated really, maybe he’s taken this a little bit too wrong.
“Don’t be, it’s just.” Baekhyun sighs, “I didn’t come here for this, it’s not just you though I’ve been trying to forget something and yeah, it would help if I took a joint or two but then I wouldn’t feel good about it afterwards.”
“I get it, I shouldn’t have just-look, it’s fine, but don’t be mad at me.”
“That’s a bit too much to ask for,” Baekhyun scoffs, pulling his arm free, “Let me be mad until tomorrow at least, then I’ll drop by your music store tomorrow and we’ll talk.” He adds as the only way to say that it’s alright, he won’t stay mad forever and well, aside from this little incident that really got out of hand, Jongdae’s not so bad to hang around.
“Alright, that sounds good.” He grins at Baekhyun who reaches a hand to pat his shoulder.
“I’ll leave now.”
“Wait.” Jongdae stops him again before he can turn around and it takes him about three seconds before shaking his head and letting out a sigh, “Nevermind, I’ll see you tomorrow.”
Baekhyun nods, a bit curious as to what he’d been up to saying but shrugs it off and starts walking away.
It doesn’t even take him ten minutes out of the party to feel bad about how he just went ahead and kind of made a dick of himself. Still, not taking the joint was a good thing, he really wouldn’t have been proud afterwards, but he could have at least acted like he enjoyed himself, even if he didn’t.
He’s pretty sure he will apologize tomorrow, soon as he can.
But now that he’s out of the suffocating atmosphere, there’s nothing but the fresh breeze that hits him and clears his mind, starting to think about where he’s going is just a normal thing, even though he’s stil not sure if calling it home in his mind is even a good idea. It can’t be home since it’s not the place where he’ll be staying indefinitely, there will be a day where he has to leave, hell he even knows when he’ll have to leave.
Still, Baekhyun’s been thinking and there’s just this sense of belonging that he just feels towards it, maybe because of Minah. Who wouldn’t want to belong where she is? Probably that people who don’t like babies wouldn’t, but he’s grown fond of her so quickly, it’s easy to not think too much about anything else.
Also, Baekhyun’s not the type to run away from problems. He really isn’t, he’s honest with his own feelings and everything else, and he can recognize when he’s being a coward or not and he just knows what he did this morning was run away like a coward. Man, how old is he again?
He should be able to handle getting kissed a bit less emotionally than right out walking out of the apartment like he did, in the morning when his meeting with Jongdae was during the night. Because of that he had to walk and visit a lot and sit at the music store for about ten long hours before they could head to the club.
Maybe that’s why he ended up in such a pissy mood. So maybe he’s a bit too old to make such a big deal out of a kiss, though twenty and more isn’t that old. Or maybe it’s jus that he’s not even sure of the reason why it bothers him so much, so much that he isn’t even sure of how he will react if he sees Jongin right now.
The thing is, it was so subtle, so fast, gone before Baekhyun even realized it, just as the compliment was also brushed aside so quickly, but then he was left with a sort of frozen mind afterwards and with this panic in his chest that had him just walking out of the room, mind blank, heart at his throat until he was in his room, feeling a bit safe but with a sense of downing reality that this fucking stupid shit affected him and feeling a bit angry at himself.
That’s right, anger, it’s also a feeling he went through the whole day while browsing through everything without being able to focus on anything but this boiling feeling in the pit of his stomach as to why did Jongin do that?
Yeah, he was half-asleep, maybe even asleep, so there was also the possibility that he might have taken Baekhyun for someone else, maybe someone in his dream. Soon as the thought comes back to him, Baekhyun stops as he steps out of the taxi and balls his fists at his sides, that’s frustrating, he isn’t even sure if it holds anything or if he has to just let it go.
He’s been trying to figure a way to approach this, like he could go about it as if nothing happened, chances are Jongin might not even remember it. But the prospect of Jongin not remembering having kissed him is also something that makes him want to hit him square in his face because it’d mean Baekhyun’s been biting his nails off it and he’s just been normal.
But then-then at the end of it all he has to still go up the building, get inside of the apartment and if Jongin’s still awake face him with the most unsuspicious expressions he can pull off. He can do that, of course, if it was nothing to Jongin then it can also be nothing to him. Actually why does he even need to persuade himself of that? Of course, it’s nothing.
It’s not that much of a relieving thought, but it has enough strength to let him finally step inside of the apartment, feeling a bit better about this whole pathetic thinking, he’s even tempted to pat himself on the back and maybe whisper a fighting out loud, but he just ends up saying it in his head.
That’s even more pathetic, but it doesn’t matter anymore.
It’s like God was just waiting for him to finally come back home so he could face reality, because soon as he closes the door-even before it clicks and locks itself automatically Jongin’s voice catches him off guard and he turns around startling a bit.
“Sorry.” Jongin says when he notices Baekhyun got a bit scared, “I didn’t mean to-scare you, I just,” he stops as Baekhyun waves a hand.
“It’s okay.” No, it’s not okay, this is not alright at all, what if he’d gotten a heart attack, hell he could have died, but he really doesn’t think he can say all of that with how tight his throat is and he might have to explain why he’s so jumpy just because Jongin said hi soon as he walks in, it’s normal of him to do that, of course.
“How was it?” Jongin asks then, he’s on the couch and alone apparently, though there are a lot of things that kind of tells Baekhyun other people have been there.
“Hm,” He answers absentmindedly and catches the question only when his eyes that are drifting aside fall on Jongin, who has his eyebrows quirked up, waiting, “What-sorry, I didn’t catch that.”
“Are you okay?” Jongin ends up asking instead.
It gets worse when Jongin gets off the couch and Baekhyun realizes he’s wearing just a pair of sweatpants, and wait how come he didn’t realize that detail before so he could have avoided having to look away and then scolding himself because god dman it, Baekhyun, he’s a guy.
“I’m okay, yeah, just a bit tired.” Which isn’t that true, and he suddenly remembers that he’s had two drinks and it might be the reason why his mind is such a jumble right now as he also walks towards Jongin at the same time as Jongin comes toward him.
“Did you-have company?” He asks, waving a hand towards the bags of chips and bowls empty of food on the table.
“Yeah.” Jongin’s eyes follows his hand then comes back to him, “Chanyeol, that you’ve met and two other friends, as well as Minah who was great company.”
Soon as he hears her name Baekhyun laughs a little, realizing he’s missed her. At least one thing he looked forward to coming back to today. Which is why he kissed her goodbye before leaving this morning of course and made sure to leave a note to Jongin about how he’s to not give her anything bad and treat her well while he’s away.
“Is she asleep?” Although by the way the apartment is so quiet, he knows the answer before he sees Jongin nods.
“Say,” Jongin talks before he can put another word out, before he can excuse himself then at this given opportunity flee this awkward conversation and possibly fall asleep soon as he hits his bed.
Baekhyun stops instead because he’s sort of cornered, he didn’t realize it, but he hasn’t stopped moving forward and Jongin too, kept walking till it dawns on him that they just ended up a little too close and Baekhyun takes a step forward soon as they come to an halt.
“Did-” Jongin starts then stops, he’s looking nervous, Baekhyun knows it from how he just avoids eye contact, which isn’t such a big deal right now because Baekhyun’s doing all eh can to not stare too because god, is it because he’s a model that Jongin doesn’t see any problems in being so close to someone else while being bare chest?
It’s probably that, and also maybe because he doesn’t really know about Baekhyun, that too yeah, but then again that might also mean that the reason why he kissed Baekhyun yesterday was because he took him for-worse situation ever-a girl, maybe Minah’s mother?
Baekhyun’s catching himself in his thoughts with a bitter feeling sticking in his mouth and he suddenly wants to just walk past Jongin and let everything wash away over the night, the influence of the alcohol is making him easy to irritate at any given moment and he doesn’t like it, he says really stupid things when he’s irritated.
He’s so caught up in his thoughts, that he doesn’t even catch anything of what Jongin’s saying when he finally comes back down, because he hears his name, as a faint echo then louder until he’s certain he can make out Jongin’s voice.
“Baekhyun?”
Soon as he blinks back to reality he also blinks up to a Jongin hat looks much closer than he was before and Baekhyun jolts back, with a low yelp that has him taking a step too quick behind and almost stumbling. He waits for the fall, but is even more afraid when it doesn’t come because there isn’t any other possibilities than the one he doesn’t think he will like when he realizes he’s stabilized still by hands gripping his elbows.
“I should,” Baekhyun starts, stuttering a bit, heat flowing to his face as he shoves Jongin away a bit too suddenly and just has the time to apologize quickly, “I’m sorry, I’m a bit tipsy and I need to lay down or-rest-no sleep, so can we, hm talk tomorrow? I really-I should.” He doesn’t finish his sentence; there isn’t much to be said as he quickly makes his way past Jongin before anything else can be said and rushes to his room.
Yes, he feels a bit ashamed once he’s in his room but soon as he flops down on his bed and buries his face in his pillows, he doesn’t think he has it in himself to feel bad about it right now.