the sweetest thing
I have been thinking about parts I have left out about my time with tara.. Like.. I spent the night over her house and I wrote I love you on her mirror.. her ex saw it before they left.. I find that funny.. that was a great night with her.. but.. I locked my keys in my car... I felt soo stupid.. Her dad came out and broke into it with a hanger.. it took him awhile.. I think it was because he was drunk.. I think that was on his birthday.. I'm pretty sure.. because he said he was drunk since 12.. and that it was his birthday so it didn't matter..hmm I know that I wrote about that night because I remember talking about her taking a shower and feeling close to her even though I wasn't like right next to her..but I was thinking about that because there is this song that says something about these are the moments.. and I was thinking about how stupid I was for locking my keys in my car.. and the song just makes me think of that night. But then after a sunday I worked she took me to this party that was in shardon.. or.. something.. and the house was soo cool.. and I didn't feel good at all.. but I didn't want to tell her that because I didn't want her to feel like it was her fault.. I just remember my throat hurting soo bad but I know it was because we stayed up real late the night before. It was the day that she got her shoes and she told me that I didn't even know how much of a problem she has about buying shoes and that I should ask laura because she is one of the few people that knew.. even though she had told me before.. so I got quiet because it was like I didn't know that much about her or whatever.. I also got quiet because she was smoking and I hate when she smokes especially since she says she is trying to quit.. and its like yeah you're trying even though you have 3 by me.. she did that day at least.. but anyway.. they had a kick ass back yard.. you went out the door in the back and they had a deck.. and the deck went over a part of this house so it was like a bridge looking thing from underneath.. and then you go down the stairs and there was a little area and then you kept going and there was a bottom part and it was right there next to lake erie.. and the view was soo amazing.. there was a line across the sky that stood out.. and we sat in two chairs right by the edge and I caught her looking at me.. I she told me she did.. so then we went up to look for her dad.. and then I had a hamburger.. and then she realized her dad was gone.. and we sat down on this ledge like thing.. and it was real cute.. but we got up quickly because there was a sick looking bug.. and she hates bugs.. I love that part of her.. but I realized that I'm going to have to be the strong one to kill our insect intruders. So then after that we went back to her house and I tried to play a video game while she showered.. I remember writing about this too.. but before she took her shower laura called and I pretended to act disgusted.. but I don't remember if she noticed.. but I turned my head while I was on her couch and I remember thinking if she lays on me she is a keeper.. it's like the thing where if your door is locked and the person in the passengers side opens it they are a keeper. It was my own thing. I know I told her that though after she did it. well anyway when she came down from her shower she made her self a hotdog with cheese and mustard I think.. and she ate it by cutting it up and using a fork.. it didn't have bread or a bun or anything.. just a hotdog.. and she played the game and owned it.. it was cute.. and I put my head on her lap and watched but I was facing up so most of the time I watched her and thought about how cute she was.... alright.. so We also went to Canal Fulton to this park thing where she use to stay as a child.. and we went fishing for carp.. and we had corn that I ate out of the can... this was before we were actually together.. we didn't catch anything but it felt soo good to sit with her and just talk and have quiet time together.. it was soo good. and then she went to the bathroom and I played on a tire swing.. and then she pushed me on it.. and then it moved or something so I got out of it. but I was all dirty because there was dirt and yeah. So then we went to Outback steak house.. and that was a really good time. I think we were both real cute about it. And I think I asked her if she was planning on being with me anytime soon.. I remember smiling soo hard it hurt.. and all I did was pay attention to her... hmm that.. and When we went to apple bees the day after my Lakewood game and some of the girls were there with their coach and we ate and what not and she wrote on a napkin that said I was too silly and way too cute to be with her and I gave her this look and then asked if we could go... Hmm or when we went to see her sister and her niece that couldn't talk.. I love the relationship tara has with her sister... it is soo cute... its like tara is a little kid and her older sister is like.. 15 years older and takes care of her.. and yeah.. just a great relationship I think.. well we went to the mall and I accidentally bumped logan.. and she bumped me back.. and I couldn't help but smile.. And then the same night we went to tara's moms house and we went through pictures.. and her mom took a picture of tara and I.. hmm the first picture of the two of us together.. I think it's cute that her mom took it. I'm pretty sure that is the same day we went to apple bee's... the night that we went up the hill... Ok.. I'm pretty sure that it was the 17.. Which is also the day that I got my cell phone.. I had orientation that day.. and then my mom took me to the rocky river scrimmage.. Tara was suppose to go to a reggae concert with sarah and so she was only going to go to a part of my game.. I def watched her come in and sit down.. and I watched her stare at me.. what I don't get is I remember holding my chest and smiling because of her.. but I don't think we said we loved each other.. which makes me think that she was right when she said I did that before that night too.. well anyway.. after my game we did a lap and she clapped.. I mentioned that.. hmm.. I might have even talked about this night.. shoot. .I'll write it anyway.. so anyway.. I went home on the bus and whatever and she went home and I took vinces van and my car up to get gas... and she was taking her laundry to sarahs to do for money.. lol.. and I went with her..no.. it can't be the night we went up the hill.. shoot.. because tara had her dads van.. and we went to sarahs house and then we went back to my house and my mom asked her to spend the night because I had orientation in the morning and so we went all the way to her house with buffy.. and then we came back.. oy.. alright well I can't remember what day we went up the hill then.. shoot I was so happy because I thought it was that day.. but no.. anyway.. Hmm maybe it was when we watched taking lives.... well we went up the hill because I don't exactly have a ceiling and we could hear my mom and vince going at it.. eww... so we went for a walk.. and we went to the top of the hill on babcock because you can see cleveland.. and I said.. that's where you live.. lol... and we almost got hit by a couple of cars.. and then we came back and sat down on my bench and I wanted to tell her that I loved her sooo badly because it was killing me not saying it.. and I was sitting on her.. and i kept trying to tell her and then I got real close and I put my hand on her heart or my heart.. or both.. hmm.. and we talked and whatnot.. then we went back inside.. and we were in my room and I tried telling her.. but I couldn't and she was on me and I pointed to the stars that bridget put up on my ceiling that said I love you.. and then I closed my eyes... and she was like. are you sure.. and then I felt like I should doubt it.. and I was like. .I think I am.. or something.. and she kissed me and then she got real close to my ear.. and then she said.. I love you dawny... soo cute.. oh man.. I wish I knew what night that was.. just because it is driving me crazy that I don't know.. and I'm not even sure if it is the same night as the hill because it sounds weird her coming back into my house.. but you never know... wow I know that this is a long entry.. you think I miss her? hmm