I've got this girl, and this girls got my heart
I feel like I'm keeping Tara away from things she wants to be doing.. I don't want to keep her from her friends, but I also don't want her to rush away asap... I didn't expect things to come soo soon, I keep on forgetting that I have school in two days and she leaves in a week. Today is a busy day... I won't be home from six until two tomorrow.. :o( and then I have practice from 4-6:30.. I'm thinking we are going to get out early.. but.. who knows.. we were done early today. but ok.. the on Thursday I have school and a game.. and I know Tara has people she has to see before she leaves, and thats fine.. I'm ok with that because I understand.. I just.. want more time.. but its ok.. I don't know.. its hard to explain.. it's not that I don't want her to go, is that I don't want her to leave me.. And I know she'll have fun and what not, but I'm going to miss her sooooooo much.. I can't even express that.. I barely made it when I had an all day tournament.. and.. that was one day, and we weren't even together. I don't want to be selffish so yesterday when she was leaving I just wanted her to go and not get upset because I'll get over it.. I don't know.. I was keeping her last night, she should have just dropped me off after we went out to eat.. or she shouldn't have taken me.. I mean.. I'm happy that I got to meet her family.. most definitely.. I really liked that.. even at her moms where I felt like my brain was going to explode.. I enjoyed meeting them.. and I enjoyed the company.. but.. I don't know.. I don't want to cause problems soo I'm not going to say anything and I'll just take everything in. Her being gone will be crazy.. it might even be good for me.. not that she'll be gone. that is going to suck ass.. but it will be good when she comes back because I'll feel soo much better then I do right now.. I don't know.. I just have this bad feeling that when she comes back everything will be different and she will want something else that isn't me and she'll be changed.. I know I shouldn't feel that way, and in the same breathe I think the complete opposite... that her leaving is good because I'll sleep while she is gone so I dn't get into any weird moods... and it will just show real everything really is... hmm getting on something else.. Sunday I worked for tlc from 6-2.. and then hd from.. 3-6:30.. and then Tara and I went to this party off lake erie.. it was cool.. I liked the time we had.. then we went to her house and she showered and I attempted to play grand theft auto 3.. and yeah... I use the word attempted incredibly loosely.. and then we went back to my house and I opened up a can of worms.. by telling her everything that I was thinking and feeling.. yeah.. oy.. mm.. I'm glad I said everything that I did.. but. I feel very vulnerable.. and hey whatever I'm use to it.. She did give me something though... I'll give her that.. it was nice.. and good.. I clean up well.. I'm over everything.