(no subject)
[private]
I saw the doctor on Sunday night. I just couldn't wait for my regular session. It feels like things are spinning out of control. I go to work, I come home and go to bed. I don't want to eat, and there are days I don't even want to get up.
I guess part of the reason is that I don't really feel like I'm needed very much anymore. I remember being able to talk to Sam about almost anything and he knew that I would do the same for him. Now, though, he has CJ for that. I'm very glad that he's happy; it's the only thing I've ever wanted for him, but now I feel lost, left out. I want to talk to him about all this, and I know he's told me that I could if I needed to, but it doesn't feel right anymore. It's like I've lost my closest friend.
I understand that I need to work on my relationships with the rest of Planet Assistant, but I'm afraid to. Donna's now the Director of Special Projects, which is probably more time-consuming than when she worked for Josh. Considering that she & Josh are now a couple, every second of her day is probably taken. Ginger and Bonnie never returned my call when I first moved back, so I assume that they're too busy.
Carol's been promoted, so she's been really busy, but she's willing to meet me tomorrow. Maybe I'll be able to talk to her about all this. If nothing else, maybe she'll understand. After all, she and CJ were close, from what I remember. Maybe she's going through the same thing I am. I hope so. I need to talk to someone that isn't a doctor or therapist that understands what I'm dealing with.
The worst thing is that I don't know if I'm going to scare everyone off. I'm not who I used to be.
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I saw the doctor on Sunday night. I just couldn't wait for my regular session. It feels like things are spinning out of control. I go to work, I come home and go to bed. I don't want to eat, and there are days I don't even want to get up.
I guess part of the reason is that I don't really feel like I'm needed very much anymore. I remember being able to talk to Sam about almost anything and he knew that I would do the same for him. Now, though, he has CJ for that. I'm very glad that he's happy; it's the only thing I've ever wanted for him, but now I feel lost, left out. I want to talk to him about all this, and I know he's told me that I could if I needed to, but it doesn't feel right anymore. It's like I've lost my closest friend.
I understand that I need to work on my relationships with the rest of Planet Assistant, but I'm afraid to. Donna's now the Director of Special Projects, which is probably more time-consuming than when she worked for Josh. Considering that she & Josh are now a couple, every second of her day is probably taken. Ginger and Bonnie never returned my call when I first moved back, so I assume that they're too busy.
Carol's been promoted, so she's been really busy, but she's willing to meet me tomorrow. Maybe I'll be able to talk to her about all this. If nothing else, maybe she'll understand. After all, she and CJ were close, from what I remember. Maybe she's going through the same thing I am. I hope so. I need to talk to someone that isn't a doctor or therapist that understands what I'm dealing with.
The worst thing is that I don't know if I'm going to scare everyone off. I'm not who I used to be.
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