(no subject)
i am so happy. he makes me so happy. he is so wonderful, even when he sleeps or plays his guitar instead of paying attention to me. but when he holds me and makes weird sounds and faces and makes fun of me and tickles me, its the most fun ever. i can never stop laughing. he feeds me and helps me up and helps me out all the time, he does what he can to make me happy. gosh he succeeds.
but for some reason when im alone, or watching him sleep (or anytime when hes not holding me) i think about negative things. like driving off a bridge by accident, things that would never happen. or things from the past that just piss me off still - like what my best friend(s) did to me. i should be thinking "yeah i got fucked up the ass, but look what i have now", but instead i get sad. it goes away when he rolls over and attacks me. but it comes back at times like right now, when im alone. i think too much - it's really going to be the end of me.
i hate that i don't have matt to cry on.
i hate that someone took my place.
i hate that i don't have jason to beat me up.
i hate that i can't think of good memorys of kristin, only bad ones.
but i love him. and i only wanna be with him, i don't wanna hang out with neone else because theyve all crushed my heart, and he hasnt.
so what do i do when hes at work or practice? suck it up and hang out with these people that piss me off, yet whom i miss so much.
i am a fucking hypocrite. i cant make up my mind. its always runnin around in circles.
but for some reason when im alone, or watching him sleep (or anytime when hes not holding me) i think about negative things. like driving off a bridge by accident, things that would never happen. or things from the past that just piss me off still - like what my best friend(s) did to me. i should be thinking "yeah i got fucked up the ass, but look what i have now", but instead i get sad. it goes away when he rolls over and attacks me. but it comes back at times like right now, when im alone. i think too much - it's really going to be the end of me.
i hate that i don't have matt to cry on.
i hate that someone took my place.
i hate that i don't have jason to beat me up.
i hate that i can't think of good memorys of kristin, only bad ones.
but i love him. and i only wanna be with him, i don't wanna hang out with neone else because theyve all crushed my heart, and he hasnt.
so what do i do when hes at work or practice? suck it up and hang out with these people that piss me off, yet whom i miss so much.
i am a fucking hypocrite. i cant make up my mind. its always runnin around in circles.