so while I'm not doing anyhting, as I should be.....

[donttakemyname]

Wow. Life is fun. We do the same things everyday. And I think I'm okay with it. I'm freaking out about my FAFSA. If my mom really wanted me to succeed wouldn't she be helping me? AT ALL? I am leaving in a few months fully aware that if I need help, there probably won't be a mother there for me. And as much as my dad woud like to think he is the perfect parent, he won't be rushing to Chicago to save me. And she tells me I won't make it there. Did she honestly think she was helping me make it here?

I want this summer to come. I want dusk on a Tuesday with nothing to do but act like I know how to skateboard. I want to fall and then look up and know I'll probably fall again within the next two hours. But it'll be fine. Because I can brag about my scrapes, and be happy that I'm getting a little further. Remember all those cd's that remind me of summer? They will make their way back to the car and we will make our ways back to Border's stealing fiction(although not really) and buying fruit smoothies just like kids do in magazines. We will hang out in driveways and in air conditioned aisles surrounded by things we probably won't buy. I want all this for the next three months. And when it's done I want to really start again. For real. I'm going to go full force into it and do "my best." I want that city life. I will learn how to read those train maps.

I won't be coming home for their Christmas.

Probably.