eh?
I hate summer...so much, at least this one. I feel so awkward all the time. It is this feeling I randomly get out of nowhere. I feel weird for feeling weird, and i feel bad for feeling bad. Everything I think say or do just goes in one big circle. It always ends up in a contradiction or it just doesnt matter. "The lows are so extreme that the good seems fucking cheep" perfect way to descride it. As bad as it is, it's true. Is it bad I look forward to death. Yet immortality is one of my biggest fears. I dont want to go to heaven and I dont want to go to hell. I want all of this to stop or at least know it will one day. To truly be at peace. I'm not going to kill myself or anything. It's just nice to know I wont have to deal with the gravity of life one day. Because no matter what I do, say, or think this feeling I get will never leave me. I am sure there are plenty of people who have to feel pain, in fact everyone. But I would never, ever wish this feeling apon someone. It is worse than sadness,hatedred, pain, guilt, envy, anger, bordem, self doubt. In fact the only thing worse is lonliness. That tops all. So instead of venting on a computer to myself I am going to get over this bullshit and cure the lonliness. Sorry for going in a cirlce again, but I am going to try to solve this shit.