Regrets
Years ago, we were younger, full of life and quite idealistic. We were young men full of dreams of changing the world and making it a better place. Our education gave us the courage to believe it; yet after years of the growing number of hours spent in the office, drowning in paper work, and the money never being enough, we found that the dream began to fade away and we found ourselves worn out.
My best friend, Mac used to say that life was the ultimate mockery, that to be alive was hell. He would shout at the top of his lungs, salivating, drunk, and pitiful but in a sense, his act was understandable. We knew his life was not going well, and that was the understatement of the century. He had it rough. Like a captain, he had sailed to the deep, too far out the storm, his ship slowly sinking.
We comforted him with our presence, our noise, our silence, the sweet sound of a lifetime of friendship. We stood by him and held his hand. A year ago, he died. He suffered from lung cancer. It was aggressive and so was the treatment. He called the cancer baby. He said that perhaps the reason why he had it was because of how bitter he had become. He called the cancer baby because it was the child born out of his relationship with self pity and misery.
He died without a wife; a worn out man on his death bed gasping for breath, alone. I should have been there. We, his friends, should have been there. But we had our own lives to live, and families to take care of; and I was, that night, in bed thinking how good the day had been while he was dying.
I hated myself for not being there. You see, my best friend was also my brother, my blood, my other me, my stronghold, my family. Now it’s been a year, and the pain has now become a dull ache in my heart. It comes and it goes but the constant feeling of missing him will always and forever haunt me.
Life is not unfair. But it does pass you by and opportunities seldom knock twice. I had a friend and I never got the chance to show him how much of a friend he was to me. I was too engrossed in life that I let that important facet of mine slip by. I let my friend slip away quietly alone. That alone pains me beyond belief or any regret that I can muster.
Mac, I miss you. I am sorry I wasn’t there. Wherever you are, I hope it is a better place. I hope one day you will forgive me, my friend. Then maybe I can forgive myself.
My best friend, Mac used to say that life was the ultimate mockery, that to be alive was hell. He would shout at the top of his lungs, salivating, drunk, and pitiful but in a sense, his act was understandable. We knew his life was not going well, and that was the understatement of the century. He had it rough. Like a captain, he had sailed to the deep, too far out the storm, his ship slowly sinking.
We comforted him with our presence, our noise, our silence, the sweet sound of a lifetime of friendship. We stood by him and held his hand. A year ago, he died. He suffered from lung cancer. It was aggressive and so was the treatment. He called the cancer baby. He said that perhaps the reason why he had it was because of how bitter he had become. He called the cancer baby because it was the child born out of his relationship with self pity and misery.
He died without a wife; a worn out man on his death bed gasping for breath, alone. I should have been there. We, his friends, should have been there. But we had our own lives to live, and families to take care of; and I was, that night, in bed thinking how good the day had been while he was dying.
I hated myself for not being there. You see, my best friend was also my brother, my blood, my other me, my stronghold, my family. Now it’s been a year, and the pain has now become a dull ache in my heart. It comes and it goes but the constant feeling of missing him will always and forever haunt me.
Life is not unfair. But it does pass you by and opportunities seldom knock twice. I had a friend and I never got the chance to show him how much of a friend he was to me. I was too engrossed in life that I let that important facet of mine slip by. I let my friend slip away quietly alone. That alone pains me beyond belief or any regret that I can muster.
Mac, I miss you. I am sorry I wasn’t there. Wherever you are, I hope it is a better place. I hope one day you will forgive me, my friend. Then maybe I can forgive myself.