Is hope still there if love isn't anymore?
Gina Says: "I'm going to spend most of this weekend cleaning".
Gina Means: "I'm going to spend most of this weekend on the computer".
- Saturday we only really went out to Best Buy and Target because it was raining... a lot. We bought four new CDs (new to us anyway, they've been out for a while) that I've wanted for some time:
The Pale Pacific Urgency
Jenny Lewis with the Watson Twins Rabbit Fur Coat
I Am The Avalanche
Sufjan Stevens Come On Feel The Illinoise
We also watched the movie American History X Saturday which, for whatever reason, I had never seen before (nor had Gina).
That's all I remember from Saturday.
- Sunday was a different story. We went out Sunday afternoon with Gina's mom and step dad to lunch. They asked if we could go out last weekend and I said no to sort of, you know, delay the inevitable. Now, I don't want to say this and make it sound too bad because I realize there is supposed to exist this unspoken rivalry between the mother-in-law and son-in-law. That's not the case here. I like Gina's mom. And this whole idea right now gets me back to thinking about that blind love thing I told you about last week. But see, the thing with me is... I don't follow that rule. Just because you're "family"... Just because you're "blood"... That doesn't mean a thing to me. (I can count the people I really love on one hand.) And it's even worse with people who marry into my so-called family just ask my aunt that doesn't believe I exist and I only met ONCE. She annoys me. But I stray from my point, and my point is this. There are two types of people in this world. Actually, there are many types of different people in the world, but there are two different types in this situation. There are those who are more concerned with other peoples lives than their own life. Nosy isn't the right word, but it's the first one that comes to mind. Then, there are those who are more concerned with their life than other peoples stuff. Independent isn't the right word, but it's the first one that comes to mind. With these two types of people, though, come both good and bad qualities. If you only care about yourself, you can be thought of as selfish, among other things. If you care more about other people than yourself, you could be thought of as a bit of a gossip or even thought to have no real life of your own so you therefore must constantly judge and ask about other peoples lives. Then again, they both have good qualities to them as well, depending on how you look at them. For me... I see this example boiling down to one thing- one key factor- and this is what it is. The first type of people I described are the ones who will ask you stuff you don't really want to be asked. Again, for this situation the direct answer would be "Do you have a job?", where as for other examples the question could be something such as "When are you going to settle down and get married?" or "When are you going to start having children?", that sort of idea. The second type of person is the person who doesn't ask these questions of other people because they know it will do no good and, quite frankly, is none of their business. They are the people that know they can do nothing to help someone get a job. Asking about it isn't going to make them magically get one or something. Just like it won't magically make that 30-something year old single woman find the perfect man. Just like it won't magically put a child in someones womb. Etc. Etc.
In case you didn't figure it out by now, Gina's mom is a type 1 person, I am a type 2 person. If you aren't constantly being asked "When are you going to get married?" or something to that effect which you feel isn't the person askings business, then you're probably also a type 1 person.
Now, I understand there is this sort of caring... or concern... Or whatever you want to call it that can make a person ask a certain question. Point in case: Asking me whether or not I have a found a job could be a nice way of hoping I've found that happiness since I've been struggling to find one and it hasn't been easy. But, at the same time, it could be interpreted as someone like me sitting behind their plate (Did I ever mention I hate eating out as, like, a "date"? I want to poll all of my ex-girlfriends one day, or even friends, and ask them how often we went out to eat together. And more so, if we did, how often of those times did I actually eat. I think the results may surprise me. I was somewhat normal once... I think) trying to hide and not say a word so maybe they'll forget I'm there and not ask me that dreaded question. But it never fails. And Gina's mom asks me. And I feel like complete crap. I feel like this giant arrow is over me now, pointing down saying "Look at this unemployed loser". "Look at this idiot who can't take care of my daughter". And so on. And so forth.
Maybe it's not the question that's inappropriate though. Maybe it's the answer. Maybe if you're going to ask something that has an answer that could be potentially hurtful to the person you're asking, then maybe you shouldn't ask the question. I mean, would you go up to someone who just had their dad die and say, "Do you miss your daddy? Do you want a new daddy? Did you find a new daddy yet?". It's kind of inappropriate, right? So why isn't inappropriate to ask someone if they've found a job when they're kicking themself over the struggle every day? Maybe it's just that different people draw different lines. Maybe people don't think before they speak. But maybe the next time someone asks me if I have found a job yet, I'll tell them I'll find one when they're dead. Give them a shot of their own mortality, see how they like that. Because when I do find a job, if it's really that important for you to know it, you'll be the first I shoot an e-mail to. But then I digress back to my whole idea on why my life is so important to you. I mean, are you really that bored??
So after all of this nonsense, the moral of the story is simply this: Asking me if I have found a job, as Gina's mom did, doesn't really help me to get a job. It only makes me feel lousy. Or more lousy than I already feel. But, that's life and some people are always going to be a type one person, for whatever reason and to whatever extent. Funny thing is, Gina's step dad doesn't ever ask me such things. He doesn't seem as concerned. He seems more like a type two person, you know. You think maybe he'd tell her... Oh well. It doesn't really matter that much anyway.
- Sunday evening we went to Hollywood Video and rented Domino as well as Corpse Bride. We've only watched Domino so far, and it was really good. We bought five videos, as well, because they were 5 for $10 (Normally, they were $6 or so a piece) and I found three old WCW tapes from 1999 which, you know, you can't get anywhere else except maybe eBay, so I jumped at it.
- Hopefully two new theories I am working on will be written about in here this week.
- And here is (under a cut, duh) my list of movies I want to see this year which are out on DVD. These are mostly movies that were either in theaters in 2005 or came out on DVD in 2005. None of them are from theaters 2006 because that's another list entirely (A shorter one, also) I've crossed out the ones we've seen because I started this list in, like, January. And yeah, some of the movies aren't from 2005. Shaun of The Dead isn't. I think. And I know Mirror Mask came out this year and it was direct-to-DVD. Anyway.
The Longest Yard
Unleashed
The Island
The 40 Year-Old Virgin
Madagascar
The Exorcism Of Emily Rose
Doom
Domino
Saw 2
The Skeleton Key
Broken Flowers
Everything Is Illuminated
Kicking & Screaming
Bewitched
The Brothers Grimm
Land Of The Dead
Serenity
Kung Fu Hustle
Team America: World Police
The Devil's Rejects
Sideways
Kingdom Of Heaven
Hostage
Dark Water
Wedding Crashers
Just Like Heaven
Red Eye
Sky High
The Great Raid
Must Love Dogs
Crash
Fever Pitch
Valiant
Corpse Bride
Waiting...
The Fog
The Aristocrats
Shopgirl
Cinderella Man
Stealh
Elizabethtown
Wallace & Gromit: Curse Of the Were-Rabbit
Spanglish
White Noise
Jarhead
A History Of Violence
Shaun Of The Dead
War Of The Worlds
Cursed
Walk The Line
Mirror Mask
Aeon Flux
Gina Means: "I'm going to spend most of this weekend on the computer".
- Saturday we only really went out to Best Buy and Target because it was raining... a lot. We bought four new CDs (new to us anyway, they've been out for a while) that I've wanted for some time:
The Pale Pacific Urgency
Jenny Lewis with the Watson Twins Rabbit Fur Coat
I Am The Avalanche
Sufjan Stevens Come On Feel The Illinoise
We also watched the movie American History X Saturday which, for whatever reason, I had never seen before (nor had Gina).
That's all I remember from Saturday.
- Sunday was a different story. We went out Sunday afternoon with Gina's mom and step dad to lunch. They asked if we could go out last weekend and I said no to sort of, you know, delay the inevitable. Now, I don't want to say this and make it sound too bad because I realize there is supposed to exist this unspoken rivalry between the mother-in-law and son-in-law. That's not the case here. I like Gina's mom. And this whole idea right now gets me back to thinking about that blind love thing I told you about last week. But see, the thing with me is... I don't follow that rule. Just because you're "family"... Just because you're "blood"... That doesn't mean a thing to me. (I can count the people I really love on one hand.) And it's even worse with people who marry into my so-called family just ask my aunt that doesn't believe I exist and I only met ONCE. She annoys me. But I stray from my point, and my point is this. There are two types of people in this world. Actually, there are many types of different people in the world, but there are two different types in this situation. There are those who are more concerned with other peoples lives than their own life. Nosy isn't the right word, but it's the first one that comes to mind. Then, there are those who are more concerned with their life than other peoples stuff. Independent isn't the right word, but it's the first one that comes to mind. With these two types of people, though, come both good and bad qualities. If you only care about yourself, you can be thought of as selfish, among other things. If you care more about other people than yourself, you could be thought of as a bit of a gossip or even thought to have no real life of your own so you therefore must constantly judge and ask about other peoples lives. Then again, they both have good qualities to them as well, depending on how you look at them. For me... I see this example boiling down to one thing- one key factor- and this is what it is. The first type of people I described are the ones who will ask you stuff you don't really want to be asked. Again, for this situation the direct answer would be "Do you have a job?", where as for other examples the question could be something such as "When are you going to settle down and get married?" or "When are you going to start having children?", that sort of idea. The second type of person is the person who doesn't ask these questions of other people because they know it will do no good and, quite frankly, is none of their business. They are the people that know they can do nothing to help someone get a job. Asking about it isn't going to make them magically get one or something. Just like it won't magically make that 30-something year old single woman find the perfect man. Just like it won't magically put a child in someones womb. Etc. Etc.
In case you didn't figure it out by now, Gina's mom is a type 1 person, I am a type 2 person. If you aren't constantly being asked "When are you going to get married?" or something to that effect which you feel isn't the person askings business, then you're probably also a type 1 person.
Now, I understand there is this sort of caring... or concern... Or whatever you want to call it that can make a person ask a certain question. Point in case: Asking me whether or not I have a found a job could be a nice way of hoping I've found that happiness since I've been struggling to find one and it hasn't been easy. But, at the same time, it could be interpreted as someone like me sitting behind their plate (Did I ever mention I hate eating out as, like, a "date"? I want to poll all of my ex-girlfriends one day, or even friends, and ask them how often we went out to eat together. And more so, if we did, how often of those times did I actually eat. I think the results may surprise me. I was somewhat normal once... I think) trying to hide and not say a word so maybe they'll forget I'm there and not ask me that dreaded question. But it never fails. And Gina's mom asks me. And I feel like complete crap. I feel like this giant arrow is over me now, pointing down saying "Look at this unemployed loser". "Look at this idiot who can't take care of my daughter". And so on. And so forth.
Maybe it's not the question that's inappropriate though. Maybe it's the answer. Maybe if you're going to ask something that has an answer that could be potentially hurtful to the person you're asking, then maybe you shouldn't ask the question. I mean, would you go up to someone who just had their dad die and say, "Do you miss your daddy? Do you want a new daddy? Did you find a new daddy yet?". It's kind of inappropriate, right? So why isn't inappropriate to ask someone if they've found a job when they're kicking themself over the struggle every day? Maybe it's just that different people draw different lines. Maybe people don't think before they speak. But maybe the next time someone asks me if I have found a job yet, I'll tell them I'll find one when they're dead. Give them a shot of their own mortality, see how they like that. Because when I do find a job, if it's really that important for you to know it, you'll be the first I shoot an e-mail to. But then I digress back to my whole idea on why my life is so important to you. I mean, are you really that bored??
So after all of this nonsense, the moral of the story is simply this: Asking me if I have found a job, as Gina's mom did, doesn't really help me to get a job. It only makes me feel lousy. Or more lousy than I already feel. But, that's life and some people are always going to be a type one person, for whatever reason and to whatever extent. Funny thing is, Gina's step dad doesn't ever ask me such things. He doesn't seem as concerned. He seems more like a type two person, you know. You think maybe he'd tell her... Oh well. It doesn't really matter that much anyway.
- Sunday evening we went to Hollywood Video and rented Domino as well as Corpse Bride. We've only watched Domino so far, and it was really good. We bought five videos, as well, because they were 5 for $10 (Normally, they were $6 or so a piece) and I found three old WCW tapes from 1999 which, you know, you can't get anywhere else except maybe eBay, so I jumped at it.
- Hopefully two new theories I am working on will be written about in here this week.
- And here is (under a cut, duh) my list of movies I want to see this year which are out on DVD. These are mostly movies that were either in theaters in 2005 or came out on DVD in 2005. None of them are from theaters 2006 because that's another list entirely (A shorter one, also) I've crossed out the ones we've seen because I started this list in, like, January. And yeah, some of the movies aren't from 2005. Shaun of The Dead isn't. I think. And I know Mirror Mask came out this year and it was direct-to-DVD. Anyway.
The Longest Yard
Unleashed
The Island
The 40 Year-Old Virgin
Madagascar
The Exorcism Of Emily Rose
Doom
Domino
Saw 2
The Skeleton Key
Broken Flowers
Everything Is Illuminated
Kicking & Screaming
Bewitched
The Brothers Grimm
Land Of The Dead
Serenity
Kung Fu Hustle
Team America: World Police
The Devil's Rejects
Sideways
Kingdom Of Heaven
Hostage
Dark Water
Wedding Crashers
Just Like Heaven
Red Eye
Sky High
The Great Raid
Must Love Dogs
Crash
Fever Pitch
Valiant
Corpse Bride
Waiting...
The Fog
The Aristocrats
Shopgirl
Cinderella Man
Stealh
Elizabethtown
Wallace & Gromit: Curse Of the Were-Rabbit
Spanglish
White Noise
Jarhead
A History Of Violence
Shaun Of The Dead
War Of The Worlds
Cursed
Walk The Line
Mirror Mask
Aeon Flux