just_muse_me | 8.1.1. Muhammad Ali quote
8.1.1. “Friendship is the hardest thing in the world to explain. It's not something you learn in school. But if you haven't learned the meaning of friendship, you really haven't learned anything.” - Muhammad Ali
Co-written with justalilcontact
[Follows THIS]
A few days of rest had Remy feeling much better than he had when the trip first started. The pain was still there and he was maybe a little shaky and weak in general, but he was back on his feet and things seemed to have progressed between him, Maddy and Flynn. He didn't even want to think about the woman he had fucked at the beginning of the week because he just got confused when he tried. He couldn't entirely explain his actions or explain his feelings, so he had decided to just take each day as it came and deal with how he felt at any one time. Now that he had finally spoken to his lovers about some of what was going on in his mind, things were less strained and they understood that almost total lack of sex drive for the moment. The added stress were these weird nightmares that had started in the last few weeks. Most involved Mystique or hearing gun shots, more often than not dragging him awake in a sweating, panicky mess. He hadn't told Flynn or Maddy about them, more in hopes they would just go away than anything else. He couldn't be sure if they had realised he was having nightmares or not and were just not wanting to pry. He knew if they continued, he would have to say something because - like his sexual hunger - sleep was mostly evading him.
But now he was meeting Rogue in the resort bar to catch up a little. He hadn't spoke to her in ages and he missed her. "Fancy meeting you here, belle," he said and eased himself carefully down into the booth beside her. He dropped the cane onto the floor and kicked it under his feet so no one would trip on it. "Are you having a good time?"
Rogue smiled warmly as she looked at Remy and took his hand in her gloved one; the closest thing she could give him to a hug in the booth without probably hurting him. "Small world, huh? I'm havin' a great time, sugar. How are you doin'? How'd the drinks go? The Doc's out cold and actin' like the rest of the world doesn't exist." Remy had never been very far from Rogue's thoughts while the group had been in Mexico. She'd just assumed he'd been quiet because of being with his lovers, but the times she had caught glimpses of him he'd always looked troubled. It was why she'd sent Chase and Lachlan to him.
Remy smirked. "Oui. He mentally signed out about eleven last night. There was no going back after he was doing triple shots at once and telling Lachlan how much he loved him. Platonically, of course. Lachlan is the world's best best mate ever in the whole world... quote, unquote. I'm the best wife mate in world best ever something. He lost his train of thought by that point and Lachlan and I, both mostly sober, couldn't swallow our drinks because we were laughing so much. It was nice, though. We spoke a lot before Chase broke into the alcohol and we lost his rationality. It has certainly been an interesting holiday," he said quietly. "How are you holding up with the bebe? Lachlan mentioned his wife can't go more than an hour without sticking her tongue down his throat."
Rogue rolled her eyes playfully and laughed at the images Remy's description of her drunken husband conjured. "He hasn't been that drunk in a while. Even at our weddin' he behaved pretty well. I just want him to have a little fun. He works so hard and I just know that as soon as we go back to Princeton he'll be under pressure again. Me and Baby Girl Chase are doin' just fine. I'm eatin' like crazy though. I keep expectin' the Doc to just keel over from lack of nutrition, but I've worked out what I have to do is just order two plates when I eat. Saves me takin' away his plate and devourin' that. He did admit he'd rather have me eatin' like this, than bein' a sex-crazed maniac like Tara." Rogue grinned as she leaned her head back against the booth and rest her hand on her small bump. "Poor Tara. Poor Lachlan. Did you know guys actually see blue with all the viagra? How crazy is that? They're happy though. I think it kind of just suits them to be locked at the hips. Lachlan's gonna need a lot of bed rest at some point."
She fell quiet for a moment as she contemplated the bar's menu to see if there was something she could get to eat. "How are Flynn and Maddy?"
"Do I need to order two plates now, mon chere? Because I'm starving and I'll fight you for it," Remy warned in amusement. "Chase would love the sex, and anything accompanying it that you could throw at him. Just like Lachlan loves it, even if it's wearing him out. He fell asleep at the bar three times without even realising it. Face dived right into the peanuts the third time. He mentioned the blue, but a better side effect to Priapism, apparently. The ability to not go soft. A permanent hard-on. I'll pass on that. I couldn't handle not being able to reach completion."
He read over the menu for a few moments and then cleared his throat. "They're pretty good, no thanks to me."
"I kinda like our sex the way it is now. We take it when we want it but there's no urgency. Not unless we're both really horny, anyway." She wet her lips and nodded as she regarded Remy with her brown eyes. "Two plates would probably be a good idea, sugar. So far I've only stolen Chase's food, but we're best friends so there's no tellin' if I might just steal yours as well. Poor Lachlan, but he has had the upset stomach as well. He ain't exactly been able to relax. Priapism would be the quickest thing to ruin any kinda sex life. The girl would just wind up chaffed tryin' to help you to completion."
Rogue frowned slightly, but stayed focused on the menu. "What's that supposed to mean?"
"Slow is good," Remy had to agree, especially lately. Even if slow was off the menu, too. "An unrelievable boner apparently hurts like all hell. Not something I want to test out, by any means. He was feeling a little better last night. More like an idiot for landing himself in that position in the first place. We spoke, the three of us, I had to tell him about a few of the things I've been going through recently..."
He played with the menu in his hands. "Which brings me into a full circle of conversation. Your sex life, Lachlan's sex life... polar opposite to mine."
"Polar opposite?" The internal debate regarding which dish she wanted the most faded into the background as she turned her head to focus on Remy. "Is it because you're still healin'?"
"Oui, I think so. At least, Lachlan tells me so now. At the beginning of the week, I didn't know anything. I just wanted to feel normal again. I..." Remy stopped and his nose screwed up a little. "I couldn't keep up with them, chere. They're so sexual and since I've been walking again, I haven't been. There was some sex before the holiday, but it wasn't very enjoyable for me. I didn't know if I was just broken in that sense. Hank warned me it could happen. I needed to somehow feel that I was still me. So I... slept with someone else and Flynn saw it."
Rogue's eyebrows went up and she made no attempted to hide her surprise. "Remy..." She looked at him as her concerned expression returned and she gave a shake of her head. "You can't expect to be completely normal after the shootin'. You ain't Logan. While I understand your motives, I don't really approve of the method. You shouldn't have to sleep with someone else to find out if you're still you. However, given how long I've known you it's really no surprise to find out that was your idea of a good test. Sugar, I know it must be hard to keep up with two lovers, or at least I imagine it would be, but they love you. I've seen the way they look at you and each other. All they would ever want is for you to be safe and happy. You should be able to tell them anything, even the fact that you don't feel up to sex, or you don't even like it." She crinkled her nose as she looked at him. "They haven't been trying to force you into sex have they?"
Remy shook his head. "Non. Never. They never would. They were my hang ups, not their's. I was feeling like I was broken goods when they both live and breathe sex at home and at work. It felt like everything coming out of their mouth was a sexual innuendo or suggestion and it was aggravating me because I couldn't feel it. It was hard for me to get my mind into some sort of rational thought about it and why it was happening when I had sex in stereo twenty-four-seven. I just backed off because I didn't know how else to deal with it, but at the same time, I didn't know if there was any other way to deal with it than trying to have sex again. But it was too much with two people and I didn't know if they wanted more out of me than I had the energy to give anymore. It needed to be someone faceless that I could walk away from without caring if it didn't work. That's all."
"Does the sex thing bother you only because you're unable to match their level right now, or do ya think you're going to be having a problem with it for longer? Not havin' sex, I mean the fact that Flynn and Maddy are all about sex. That they live and breathe it just like you say." Rogue reached out and covered his hand with hers again. "Did ya wind up feeling like you were still you after the faceless fuck?"
Remy pulled a face. "I just felt sick after it," he muttered. "Physically sick."
Rogue gave a nod before she looked away and tilted her head thoughtfully. "Maybe who you are is changing slightly."
"Non, I think who I am is someone I don't know anymore." Remy folded his hand over the menu. "Hell, I'm even wondering if I should go back to the X-Men. I mean, look at you. You aren't there and things are amazing for you. What if I never regain the strength I used to have? I'm going to be fuck all use to them. Then with Flynn and Maddy, I feel like I should know all the relationship stuff and know how to act and react. They know it, but I seem to have missed out on the instruction manual. I just... don't know anything anymore."
"Things are amazin' for me because they took a natural course," Rogue said softly. "I didn't leave the X-Men and then all of a sudden everythin' just clicked into place. I worked hard to have the things I wanted. If you weren't still healin', and you didn't have to think of the X-Men, or meetin' anyone else's expectations--what is it right now that would make you happy, Remy?"
Remy broke the eye contact to look over at the bar. He let out a slow breath. "To be be who I was before any of this happened," he said honestly. "I hate this. I hate feeling like this. I hate the fear."
"Fear?" Rogue asked. "Fear of gettin' shot? Of hurtin'? I really hate to break it to ya sugar, but if you ever get back to who you were before it's still gonna take time. You just need to give yourself permission to take that time."
"Fear of everything," Remy said with a frown of confusion. He shook his head a little with another sharply exhaled breath. "I don't have confidence in anything and I've been having nightmares that leave me terrified if I manage to wake out of them. Lachlan said it's normal to have post-traumatic effects. He said it's best to try and deal with them soon before they set in for good. Chase agreed. They both have experience with that, apparently, but neither delved too deep in a public bar, of course."
"Nightmares are somethin' I can understand," Rogue murmured. Ever since her ordeal with Magneto when she first found her way to Xavier's she'd had many sleepless nights. It was only during the last year that they'd started to slow down and she could sleep again. Remy didn't have to battle with voices in his head, or fragments of other people's nightmares. Still, the shooting hadn't exactly happened that long ago so it was normal for him to have nightmares and be reliving moments. "You need to talk about the nightmares, sugar. Maybe not with me, or anyone else here, but you have to talk about them with someone. That was a lesson it took me far too long to learn."
Remy rested his elbow on the edge of the table and put his head into his hand. "Who is going to want to listen to shit like that? Especially right now when everyone has their own shit going on an are happy. I don't know what's wrong with me. Someone slammed their room door across the way from us this morning and I damn near shat myself because I thought it was a gun shot. Then the pain is a whole other story. It's like my body packed it in all that time I spent lying flat in bed, now when I move, it takes so much effort. I feel old, belle. Old and weak. I fucking hate it."
"Logan," Rogue told him without hesitation. "Logan will listen to you. And so will I, but I know you're just going to think you'll burst my happiness bubble if you unload on me."
Remy smirked faintly. "Logan just thinks I'm a pain in the butt."
"Logan's a marshmallow," Rogue laughed. "You are his friend, Remy. Or at least someone he respects. You just get on his nerves sometimes."
"Still, I don't think he's built for this sort of deep'n'meaningful heart-to-heart stuff. That, and I haven't told anyone who shot me," Remy said, rubbing his neck uncomfortably.
Rogue bit her lip as she raised an eyebrow. "Remy... keepin' that kinda thing to yourself ain't healthy. Talk to me, okay? Any time you need to. Don't worry about my happiness, that's set. Nothin' can shake it. I'd rather be able to help you. Or get a shrink, or somethin'. Find one in Princeton and we can catch up after and see each other more."
Remy nodded. "Yeah, I kind of found one of those. Lachlan's going speak to me on a regular basis. He's easy to talk to and separate from anything I've got going on." He rubbed his eyes and then his nose with his hand. "I just always thought I'd get over something like this easily if it ever happened to me. It's not like I haven't been hurt before. This was just different and I don't even know why."
"Because you had people who cared about you? I know I'm your friend, but it's not the same. And you also weren't incapacitated like this before." She smiled softly and rubbed Remy's arm. "If it's Lachlan that means you will be comin' to Princeton. I've missed you, ya know. It ain't the same not seein' ya everyday."
"Maybe. I wish I could stop fucking up with them, though. I just don't realise I'm doing it until it's too late and they're staging yet another intervention against me. I know they do it because they love me, but sometimes I feel like a jerk when they do it. And I am being a jerk, so I deserve it, but I've always been a jerk!" Remy looked over the drinks menu to find something that might at least give him a bit of a kick. "I'll be in Princeton more often. I can't ride, though. It feels like forever since I touched my bike."
"You'll touch it again soon, sugar. Just be patient." Rogue was looking at him with the utmost seriousness until her own words sunk in and she broke out into laughter. "I'm sorry, I just remembered who you were. Patience hasn't always been a virtue in your case. You're not a jerk even though you're capable of being one. You're just coming to terms with a difficult situation. Do you want me to drive you to Princeton and back?"
Remy kissed the back of Rogue's hand. "Aren't you busy incubating, mon chere?" he asked. "Two and a half hours in a car with me might get tiresome." He pushed his hand through his curly hair and didn't bother to smooth it back down. "Can you believe I've let something like this fuck me over?"
"No, I can't. But then I never really hoped anythin' like this would happen to ya." Rogue rolled her eyes and whacked him lightly on the shoulder. "I'm pregnant, not incompetent. I can still drive. You're not as annoyin' as you think, Remy LeBeau."
"I really am," Remy added, smirking. "I swear Maddy wanted to thump me."
"She's a woman. Don't listen to a word about the 'fairer sex'. We would sooner kill than let our boyfriends and significant others sleep with someone else."
Remy couldn't hide the slight scrunch of his nose. "They use sex for an income. They never agreed to be exclusive and neither did I."
Rogue couldn't help but give him a look that clearly said she didn't believe a single word. "Doesn't mean they haven't thought about it. Just means they haven't said anythin' to you about it. If Maddy wanted to thump ya, then she's thinkin' about exclusivity."
"Last I looked, my X-gene didn't allow me to mind read, belle. And as long as extraneous sex is a factor, there is never going to be exclusivity. No exclusivity was asked for. We had an agreement that it wasn't exclusive from what I last remembered. Then all of a sudden she is getting shitty with what I did when she waves her tits and arse at men every night against a pole while they jerk off to her." Remy shook his head. "None of us are in a position to plead monogamy or innocent relationships."
Rogue let out a sigh and signalled a waiter so that they could at least place their orders. Baby Girl Chase was starting to gnaw a hole in Rogue's stomach. "If she didn't strip, would you at least concede some sort of exclusivity? Having met Flynn I can't really imagine him giving up his work... But Madison strikes me as someone who can be as restless as you. And just as close-mouthed when it comes to what she's thinking. Maybe she wants a change."
"What is some exclusivity, amour?" Remy asked with a shrug. The waiter approached and he gestured across the table for Rogue to place her order first.
Rogue shrugged back at him and pointed at the menu as she ordered her two dishes and also some iced tea. It would be a true miracle if she didn't waddle out of the bar by the time she'd finished eating. "I don't know, sugar. I'm sure you could work it out though."
Remy placed his order and closed the menu to hand it to the waiter. "See? Everyone seems to have an idea how this should go but when I ask, no one has the right answers," he said in frustration.
"All I know is that I would kill the Doc for cheatin' on me. We weren't exclusive in the beginnin' either, but that didn't mean I wasn't jealous if he mentioned sleepin' with someone. He did sleep with someone in the early days. A friend he wanted to help in the sack. The guy was tryin' to work out if he was gay or not. I wanted to find him and rip his balls off, but the Doc made me promise not to." Rogue looked at Remy. "Aside from Flynn's work, has either of 'em slept with someone else? How does it make you feel?"
"It's only bothered me very recently because I have felt zero hunger for sex. It made me feel inadequate, but it doesn't bother me what I do. That's why I don't understand what I did bothered them. And the difference, chere, is that I didn't announce it or advertise it. I didn't particularly think there was anything wrong with it if I didn't come home and talk about it. I thought that was our agreement. I missed the memo where it all suddenly changed because I was busy nearly dying from a bullet wound," Remy said with a frown, the frustration biting in his tone again.
"I'm sorry sugar, I'm only tryin' to help. I didn't mean to stir things up. Just do whatever you wanna do, okay? Well, after you heal up. You just can't risk doin' yourself any further damage."
Remy rubbed at his temple. "Non, I'm sorry, belle. Things are just weird for me right now. I'm not myself at all."
"I still love ya," she said gently as she gave him a little hug. "We've had worse fights than this. This ain't even a fight, but I still say we've had worse. I'll always be your best friend, Remy."
Remy smiled. "Merci, chere." He kissed her cheek. "You're the one person I know will always be my rock."
All characters referenced with permission
Word Count | 3,679
Co-written with justalilcontact
[Follows THIS]
A few days of rest had Remy feeling much better than he had when the trip first started. The pain was still there and he was maybe a little shaky and weak in general, but he was back on his feet and things seemed to have progressed between him, Maddy and Flynn. He didn't even want to think about the woman he had fucked at the beginning of the week because he just got confused when he tried. He couldn't entirely explain his actions or explain his feelings, so he had decided to just take each day as it came and deal with how he felt at any one time. Now that he had finally spoken to his lovers about some of what was going on in his mind, things were less strained and they understood that almost total lack of sex drive for the moment. The added stress were these weird nightmares that had started in the last few weeks. Most involved Mystique or hearing gun shots, more often than not dragging him awake in a sweating, panicky mess. He hadn't told Flynn or Maddy about them, more in hopes they would just go away than anything else. He couldn't be sure if they had realised he was having nightmares or not and were just not wanting to pry. He knew if they continued, he would have to say something because - like his sexual hunger - sleep was mostly evading him.
But now he was meeting Rogue in the resort bar to catch up a little. He hadn't spoke to her in ages and he missed her. "Fancy meeting you here, belle," he said and eased himself carefully down into the booth beside her. He dropped the cane onto the floor and kicked it under his feet so no one would trip on it. "Are you having a good time?"
Rogue smiled warmly as she looked at Remy and took his hand in her gloved one; the closest thing she could give him to a hug in the booth without probably hurting him. "Small world, huh? I'm havin' a great time, sugar. How are you doin'? How'd the drinks go? The Doc's out cold and actin' like the rest of the world doesn't exist." Remy had never been very far from Rogue's thoughts while the group had been in Mexico. She'd just assumed he'd been quiet because of being with his lovers, but the times she had caught glimpses of him he'd always looked troubled. It was why she'd sent Chase and Lachlan to him.
Remy smirked. "Oui. He mentally signed out about eleven last night. There was no going back after he was doing triple shots at once and telling Lachlan how much he loved him. Platonically, of course. Lachlan is the world's best best mate ever in the whole world... quote, unquote. I'm the best wife mate in world best ever something. He lost his train of thought by that point and Lachlan and I, both mostly sober, couldn't swallow our drinks because we were laughing so much. It was nice, though. We spoke a lot before Chase broke into the alcohol and we lost his rationality. It has certainly been an interesting holiday," he said quietly. "How are you holding up with the bebe? Lachlan mentioned his wife can't go more than an hour without sticking her tongue down his throat."
Rogue rolled her eyes playfully and laughed at the images Remy's description of her drunken husband conjured. "He hasn't been that drunk in a while. Even at our weddin' he behaved pretty well. I just want him to have a little fun. He works so hard and I just know that as soon as we go back to Princeton he'll be under pressure again. Me and Baby Girl Chase are doin' just fine. I'm eatin' like crazy though. I keep expectin' the Doc to just keel over from lack of nutrition, but I've worked out what I have to do is just order two plates when I eat. Saves me takin' away his plate and devourin' that. He did admit he'd rather have me eatin' like this, than bein' a sex-crazed maniac like Tara." Rogue grinned as she leaned her head back against the booth and rest her hand on her small bump. "Poor Tara. Poor Lachlan. Did you know guys actually see blue with all the viagra? How crazy is that? They're happy though. I think it kind of just suits them to be locked at the hips. Lachlan's gonna need a lot of bed rest at some point."
She fell quiet for a moment as she contemplated the bar's menu to see if there was something she could get to eat. "How are Flynn and Maddy?"
"Do I need to order two plates now, mon chere? Because I'm starving and I'll fight you for it," Remy warned in amusement. "Chase would love the sex, and anything accompanying it that you could throw at him. Just like Lachlan loves it, even if it's wearing him out. He fell asleep at the bar three times without even realising it. Face dived right into the peanuts the third time. He mentioned the blue, but a better side effect to Priapism, apparently. The ability to not go soft. A permanent hard-on. I'll pass on that. I couldn't handle not being able to reach completion."
He read over the menu for a few moments and then cleared his throat. "They're pretty good, no thanks to me."
"I kinda like our sex the way it is now. We take it when we want it but there's no urgency. Not unless we're both really horny, anyway." She wet her lips and nodded as she regarded Remy with her brown eyes. "Two plates would probably be a good idea, sugar. So far I've only stolen Chase's food, but we're best friends so there's no tellin' if I might just steal yours as well. Poor Lachlan, but he has had the upset stomach as well. He ain't exactly been able to relax. Priapism would be the quickest thing to ruin any kinda sex life. The girl would just wind up chaffed tryin' to help you to completion."
Rogue frowned slightly, but stayed focused on the menu. "What's that supposed to mean?"
"Slow is good," Remy had to agree, especially lately. Even if slow was off the menu, too. "An unrelievable boner apparently hurts like all hell. Not something I want to test out, by any means. He was feeling a little better last night. More like an idiot for landing himself in that position in the first place. We spoke, the three of us, I had to tell him about a few of the things I've been going through recently..."
He played with the menu in his hands. "Which brings me into a full circle of conversation. Your sex life, Lachlan's sex life... polar opposite to mine."
"Polar opposite?" The internal debate regarding which dish she wanted the most faded into the background as she turned her head to focus on Remy. "Is it because you're still healin'?"
"Oui, I think so. At least, Lachlan tells me so now. At the beginning of the week, I didn't know anything. I just wanted to feel normal again. I..." Remy stopped and his nose screwed up a little. "I couldn't keep up with them, chere. They're so sexual and since I've been walking again, I haven't been. There was some sex before the holiday, but it wasn't very enjoyable for me. I didn't know if I was just broken in that sense. Hank warned me it could happen. I needed to somehow feel that I was still me. So I... slept with someone else and Flynn saw it."
Rogue's eyebrows went up and she made no attempted to hide her surprise. "Remy..." She looked at him as her concerned expression returned and she gave a shake of her head. "You can't expect to be completely normal after the shootin'. You ain't Logan. While I understand your motives, I don't really approve of the method. You shouldn't have to sleep with someone else to find out if you're still you. However, given how long I've known you it's really no surprise to find out that was your idea of a good test. Sugar, I know it must be hard to keep up with two lovers, or at least I imagine it would be, but they love you. I've seen the way they look at you and each other. All they would ever want is for you to be safe and happy. You should be able to tell them anything, even the fact that you don't feel up to sex, or you don't even like it." She crinkled her nose as she looked at him. "They haven't been trying to force you into sex have they?"
Remy shook his head. "Non. Never. They never would. They were my hang ups, not their's. I was feeling like I was broken goods when they both live and breathe sex at home and at work. It felt like everything coming out of their mouth was a sexual innuendo or suggestion and it was aggravating me because I couldn't feel it. It was hard for me to get my mind into some sort of rational thought about it and why it was happening when I had sex in stereo twenty-four-seven. I just backed off because I didn't know how else to deal with it, but at the same time, I didn't know if there was any other way to deal with it than trying to have sex again. But it was too much with two people and I didn't know if they wanted more out of me than I had the energy to give anymore. It needed to be someone faceless that I could walk away from without caring if it didn't work. That's all."
"Does the sex thing bother you only because you're unable to match their level right now, or do ya think you're going to be having a problem with it for longer? Not havin' sex, I mean the fact that Flynn and Maddy are all about sex. That they live and breathe it just like you say." Rogue reached out and covered his hand with hers again. "Did ya wind up feeling like you were still you after the faceless fuck?"
Remy pulled a face. "I just felt sick after it," he muttered. "Physically sick."
Rogue gave a nod before she looked away and tilted her head thoughtfully. "Maybe who you are is changing slightly."
"Non, I think who I am is someone I don't know anymore." Remy folded his hand over the menu. "Hell, I'm even wondering if I should go back to the X-Men. I mean, look at you. You aren't there and things are amazing for you. What if I never regain the strength I used to have? I'm going to be fuck all use to them. Then with Flynn and Maddy, I feel like I should know all the relationship stuff and know how to act and react. They know it, but I seem to have missed out on the instruction manual. I just... don't know anything anymore."
"Things are amazin' for me because they took a natural course," Rogue said softly. "I didn't leave the X-Men and then all of a sudden everythin' just clicked into place. I worked hard to have the things I wanted. If you weren't still healin', and you didn't have to think of the X-Men, or meetin' anyone else's expectations--what is it right now that would make you happy, Remy?"
Remy broke the eye contact to look over at the bar. He let out a slow breath. "To be be who I was before any of this happened," he said honestly. "I hate this. I hate feeling like this. I hate the fear."
"Fear?" Rogue asked. "Fear of gettin' shot? Of hurtin'? I really hate to break it to ya sugar, but if you ever get back to who you were before it's still gonna take time. You just need to give yourself permission to take that time."
"Fear of everything," Remy said with a frown of confusion. He shook his head a little with another sharply exhaled breath. "I don't have confidence in anything and I've been having nightmares that leave me terrified if I manage to wake out of them. Lachlan said it's normal to have post-traumatic effects. He said it's best to try and deal with them soon before they set in for good. Chase agreed. They both have experience with that, apparently, but neither delved too deep in a public bar, of course."
"Nightmares are somethin' I can understand," Rogue murmured. Ever since her ordeal with Magneto when she first found her way to Xavier's she'd had many sleepless nights. It was only during the last year that they'd started to slow down and she could sleep again. Remy didn't have to battle with voices in his head, or fragments of other people's nightmares. Still, the shooting hadn't exactly happened that long ago so it was normal for him to have nightmares and be reliving moments. "You need to talk about the nightmares, sugar. Maybe not with me, or anyone else here, but you have to talk about them with someone. That was a lesson it took me far too long to learn."
Remy rested his elbow on the edge of the table and put his head into his hand. "Who is going to want to listen to shit like that? Especially right now when everyone has their own shit going on an are happy. I don't know what's wrong with me. Someone slammed their room door across the way from us this morning and I damn near shat myself because I thought it was a gun shot. Then the pain is a whole other story. It's like my body packed it in all that time I spent lying flat in bed, now when I move, it takes so much effort. I feel old, belle. Old and weak. I fucking hate it."
"Logan," Rogue told him without hesitation. "Logan will listen to you. And so will I, but I know you're just going to think you'll burst my happiness bubble if you unload on me."
Remy smirked faintly. "Logan just thinks I'm a pain in the butt."
"Logan's a marshmallow," Rogue laughed. "You are his friend, Remy. Or at least someone he respects. You just get on his nerves sometimes."
"Still, I don't think he's built for this sort of deep'n'meaningful heart-to-heart stuff. That, and I haven't told anyone who shot me," Remy said, rubbing his neck uncomfortably.
Rogue bit her lip as she raised an eyebrow. "Remy... keepin' that kinda thing to yourself ain't healthy. Talk to me, okay? Any time you need to. Don't worry about my happiness, that's set. Nothin' can shake it. I'd rather be able to help you. Or get a shrink, or somethin'. Find one in Princeton and we can catch up after and see each other more."
Remy nodded. "Yeah, I kind of found one of those. Lachlan's going speak to me on a regular basis. He's easy to talk to and separate from anything I've got going on." He rubbed his eyes and then his nose with his hand. "I just always thought I'd get over something like this easily if it ever happened to me. It's not like I haven't been hurt before. This was just different and I don't even know why."
"Because you had people who cared about you? I know I'm your friend, but it's not the same. And you also weren't incapacitated like this before." She smiled softly and rubbed Remy's arm. "If it's Lachlan that means you will be comin' to Princeton. I've missed you, ya know. It ain't the same not seein' ya everyday."
"Maybe. I wish I could stop fucking up with them, though. I just don't realise I'm doing it until it's too late and they're staging yet another intervention against me. I know they do it because they love me, but sometimes I feel like a jerk when they do it. And I am being a jerk, so I deserve it, but I've always been a jerk!" Remy looked over the drinks menu to find something that might at least give him a bit of a kick. "I'll be in Princeton more often. I can't ride, though. It feels like forever since I touched my bike."
"You'll touch it again soon, sugar. Just be patient." Rogue was looking at him with the utmost seriousness until her own words sunk in and she broke out into laughter. "I'm sorry, I just remembered who you were. Patience hasn't always been a virtue in your case. You're not a jerk even though you're capable of being one. You're just coming to terms with a difficult situation. Do you want me to drive you to Princeton and back?"
Remy kissed the back of Rogue's hand. "Aren't you busy incubating, mon chere?" he asked. "Two and a half hours in a car with me might get tiresome." He pushed his hand through his curly hair and didn't bother to smooth it back down. "Can you believe I've let something like this fuck me over?"
"No, I can't. But then I never really hoped anythin' like this would happen to ya." Rogue rolled her eyes and whacked him lightly on the shoulder. "I'm pregnant, not incompetent. I can still drive. You're not as annoyin' as you think, Remy LeBeau."
"I really am," Remy added, smirking. "I swear Maddy wanted to thump me."
"She's a woman. Don't listen to a word about the 'fairer sex'. We would sooner kill than let our boyfriends and significant others sleep with someone else."
Remy couldn't hide the slight scrunch of his nose. "They use sex for an income. They never agreed to be exclusive and neither did I."
Rogue couldn't help but give him a look that clearly said she didn't believe a single word. "Doesn't mean they haven't thought about it. Just means they haven't said anythin' to you about it. If Maddy wanted to thump ya, then she's thinkin' about exclusivity."
"Last I looked, my X-gene didn't allow me to mind read, belle. And as long as extraneous sex is a factor, there is never going to be exclusivity. No exclusivity was asked for. We had an agreement that it wasn't exclusive from what I last remembered. Then all of a sudden she is getting shitty with what I did when she waves her tits and arse at men every night against a pole while they jerk off to her." Remy shook his head. "None of us are in a position to plead monogamy or innocent relationships."
Rogue let out a sigh and signalled a waiter so that they could at least place their orders. Baby Girl Chase was starting to gnaw a hole in Rogue's stomach. "If she didn't strip, would you at least concede some sort of exclusivity? Having met Flynn I can't really imagine him giving up his work... But Madison strikes me as someone who can be as restless as you. And just as close-mouthed when it comes to what she's thinking. Maybe she wants a change."
"What is some exclusivity, amour?" Remy asked with a shrug. The waiter approached and he gestured across the table for Rogue to place her order first.
Rogue shrugged back at him and pointed at the menu as she ordered her two dishes and also some iced tea. It would be a true miracle if she didn't waddle out of the bar by the time she'd finished eating. "I don't know, sugar. I'm sure you could work it out though."
Remy placed his order and closed the menu to hand it to the waiter. "See? Everyone seems to have an idea how this should go but when I ask, no one has the right answers," he said in frustration.
"All I know is that I would kill the Doc for cheatin' on me. We weren't exclusive in the beginnin' either, but that didn't mean I wasn't jealous if he mentioned sleepin' with someone. He did sleep with someone in the early days. A friend he wanted to help in the sack. The guy was tryin' to work out if he was gay or not. I wanted to find him and rip his balls off, but the Doc made me promise not to." Rogue looked at Remy. "Aside from Flynn's work, has either of 'em slept with someone else? How does it make you feel?"
"It's only bothered me very recently because I have felt zero hunger for sex. It made me feel inadequate, but it doesn't bother me what I do. That's why I don't understand what I did bothered them. And the difference, chere, is that I didn't announce it or advertise it. I didn't particularly think there was anything wrong with it if I didn't come home and talk about it. I thought that was our agreement. I missed the memo where it all suddenly changed because I was busy nearly dying from a bullet wound," Remy said with a frown, the frustration biting in his tone again.
"I'm sorry sugar, I'm only tryin' to help. I didn't mean to stir things up. Just do whatever you wanna do, okay? Well, after you heal up. You just can't risk doin' yourself any further damage."
Remy rubbed at his temple. "Non, I'm sorry, belle. Things are just weird for me right now. I'm not myself at all."
"I still love ya," she said gently as she gave him a little hug. "We've had worse fights than this. This ain't even a fight, but I still say we've had worse. I'll always be your best friend, Remy."
Remy smiled. "Merci, chere." He kissed her cheek. "You're the one person I know will always be my rock."
All characters referenced with permission
Word Count | 3,679