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TWAS THE NIGHT BEFORE CHRISTMAS AND ALL THROUGH THE HOUSE
EVERYBODY FELT SHITTY....EVEN THE MOUSE,
MOM AT THE WHOREHOUSE AND DAD SMOKING GRASS
I'D JUST SETTLED DOWN FOR A NICE PIECE OF ASS,
WHEN OUT ON THE LAWN I HEARD SUCH A CLATTER
I SPRUNG FROM MY PIECE TO SEE WHAT WAS THE MATTER,
THEN OUT ON THE LAWN I SAW A BIG DICK
I KNEW IN A MOMENT IT MUST BE SAINT NICK,
HE CAME DOWN THE CHIMNEY LIKE A BAT OUT OF HELL
I KNEW IN A MOMENT THE FUCKER HAD FELL,
HE FILLED ALL OUR STOCKINGS WITH PRETZELS AND BEER
AND A BIG RUBBER DICK FOR MY BROTHER THE QUEER,
HE ROSE UP THE CHIMNEY WITH A THUNDEROUS FART
THE SON OF A BITCH BLEW THE CHIMNEY APART,
HE SWORE AND HE CURSED AS HE RODE OUT OF SIGHT
PISS ON YOU ALL AND HAVE A HELL OF A NIGHT!
EVERYBODY FELT SHITTY....EVEN THE MOUSE,
MOM AT THE WHOREHOUSE AND DAD SMOKING GRASS
I'D JUST SETTLED DOWN FOR A NICE PIECE OF ASS,
WHEN OUT ON THE LAWN I HEARD SUCH A CLATTER
I SPRUNG FROM MY PIECE TO SEE WHAT WAS THE MATTER,
THEN OUT ON THE LAWN I SAW A BIG DICK
I KNEW IN A MOMENT IT MUST BE SAINT NICK,
HE CAME DOWN THE CHIMNEY LIKE A BAT OUT OF HELL
I KNEW IN A MOMENT THE FUCKER HAD FELL,
HE FILLED ALL OUR STOCKINGS WITH PRETZELS AND BEER
AND A BIG RUBBER DICK FOR MY BROTHER THE QUEER,
HE ROSE UP THE CHIMNEY WITH A THUNDEROUS FART
THE SON OF A BITCH BLEW THE CHIMNEY APART,
HE SWORE AND HE CURSED AS HE RODE OUT OF SIGHT
PISS ON YOU ALL AND HAVE A HELL OF A NIGHT!