dwelling is a complicated word...
ok so it has been a long time since I wrote last and many things have changed. For starters Chris did dump me for his ex, they dated for awhile and then they broke up because she cheated on him (just like the last time they dated). He slowly stopped calling and then didn't at all. Once and a blue moon i would have a hello IM but nothing more. Now he is dating Nicole Mackey that i went to middle school with. I don't like her, noooo not because she is dating chris, because she is mean and thinks because she shed a few pounds, she is god's gift to man. that she is not.
Annnywho...I got a car, Mitsubishi Galant 2001, of course i can't drive it yet because it needs new tires. So i back to square one.
Umm Mandy now has a stable and steady bf, Matt. I like him a lot, i truely do. He is so caring and i believe he truely loves her. I can see them marrying one day. I'm happy for her. Everyone else was wrong for her, so wrong. Matt, he is a good guy, they haven't slept together because he wants to build a backbone to the relationship. I couldn't agree more! He's the one for her, he wants to protect and provide for her. What a lucky gal!
I'm jealous of course but hey, i'll find mine one day, he's out there i can feel it. Where and when he will come, that i have no answer too. I kinda like it, he's a mystery. yes of course I'm lonely but i have to think of it as he will be worth the wait. I'll know it's him, right away. I'll feel it in my bones. Sounds so movie-ish but i think it's true, true for everyone, you just know. I've given up a few times but you can't, because it's in-human to now want love anymore. To give up having that feeling, that warmth, that, that person, i just couldn't bare it. no one should be out of love, ok except crazy murderers, rapest, you know the kind. I'm off topic, anywho, stay strong for love.
Work is long and boring now, i hate going to work, i use to not mind once i was there, but now things have changed so much that i can't stand it. I need a change there. There is no future for me at a stupid grocery store.
I figured out that i want so much for other people, that i don't save anything for myself. I want wonderful things for mandy, and i try so hard to help her get them, and i want things to be ok and try to help things between amy and bryan, i want angela to find someone great and not settle for anything less, i want to make sure all the drama between the group, goes away. Now I'm not making myself out to be a saint, I'm far from it, it's just why do i use all my energy on everyone else. I look at my life and i have nothing to show for it, but look at Mandy's, Amy's, Bryan's, Angela's and it great. I didn't contribute everything great in their lives but i helped a lot. All i have is me, myself and I. And i have a strong feeling they will leave me soon too. I even want wonderful things for James, i honestly do. I want so much to help but guys don't want helpers, they want someone who doesn't like change. I want him to find happiness in whoever he chooses to be with, i want him to find a job that makes him happy. The thing i want more then anything in this world for him, is to have a loving family. sappy but true. He needs it, he needs people to count on and be there no matter what. But being one person, i can't fix a whole family for him. It's just out of my power. i guess I've rambled enough...
I spoken my peace so it's time to end...
Annnywho...I got a car, Mitsubishi Galant 2001, of course i can't drive it yet because it needs new tires. So i back to square one.
Umm Mandy now has a stable and steady bf, Matt. I like him a lot, i truely do. He is so caring and i believe he truely loves her. I can see them marrying one day. I'm happy for her. Everyone else was wrong for her, so wrong. Matt, he is a good guy, they haven't slept together because he wants to build a backbone to the relationship. I couldn't agree more! He's the one for her, he wants to protect and provide for her. What a lucky gal!
I'm jealous of course but hey, i'll find mine one day, he's out there i can feel it. Where and when he will come, that i have no answer too. I kinda like it, he's a mystery. yes of course I'm lonely but i have to think of it as he will be worth the wait. I'll know it's him, right away. I'll feel it in my bones. Sounds so movie-ish but i think it's true, true for everyone, you just know. I've given up a few times but you can't, because it's in-human to now want love anymore. To give up having that feeling, that warmth, that, that person, i just couldn't bare it. no one should be out of love, ok except crazy murderers, rapest, you know the kind. I'm off topic, anywho, stay strong for love.
Work is long and boring now, i hate going to work, i use to not mind once i was there, but now things have changed so much that i can't stand it. I need a change there. There is no future for me at a stupid grocery store.
I figured out that i want so much for other people, that i don't save anything for myself. I want wonderful things for mandy, and i try so hard to help her get them, and i want things to be ok and try to help things between amy and bryan, i want angela to find someone great and not settle for anything less, i want to make sure all the drama between the group, goes away. Now I'm not making myself out to be a saint, I'm far from it, it's just why do i use all my energy on everyone else. I look at my life and i have nothing to show for it, but look at Mandy's, Amy's, Bryan's, Angela's and it great. I didn't contribute everything great in their lives but i helped a lot. All i have is me, myself and I. And i have a strong feeling they will leave me soon too. I even want wonderful things for James, i honestly do. I want so much to help but guys don't want helpers, they want someone who doesn't like change. I want him to find happiness in whoever he chooses to be with, i want him to find a job that makes him happy. The thing i want more then anything in this world for him, is to have a loving family. sappy but true. He needs it, he needs people to count on and be there no matter what. But being one person, i can't fix a whole family for him. It's just out of my power. i guess I've rambled enough...
I spoken my peace so it's time to end...