nothing has been as beautiful as when i saw heaven's skies in your eyes
i've found if i make myself sneeze i can stay awake and it clears up my throat. due to this, and my increasing efforts to have a constant (yet admittedly tiny) intake of food, my throat is feeling almost okay. i can swallow and it doesn't hurt. that's always good. unfortunately, everything tastes atrocious. but you know. baby steps.
i am so close to being done with ecology studying, as i promised myself i'd do all the reading to make up for what i've missed. i have about twenty minutes before i have to take my medicine and then i'll go to sleep, so hopefully i'll finish it by then. i just needed a break.
despite my efforts to turn myself into a brick, today has been possibly one of the most taxing yet. my legs feel like jello, i can't really make the whole walk between classes so i've had to take breaks here and there. and then i thought i was okay until i lost it before calc. i just want to go home. really. because i know that once i get home nothing here will matter, and maybe that's a bit of a relief? then i think about it and... god, i don't know. i've found myself running to the wrong people, or maybe all along i've been running to the wrong people and now i'm doing the right thing? whatever, regardless of all of this, i know what the "right thing" is and it really pisses me off because i've just been lying to myself. but of course, then i try to discuss this and i get knocked down, chastised for finally saying what i know i should have been saying all year long. i really have neglected the few people here that i know--and have always known--that i could trust, and all because i was stupid and paranoid... and i don't know how to make it up to them. i wish love didn't always mean romance. i wish it was easy enough to say it without it being taken the wrong way. anyway. i'm getting ahead of myself.
point = i want to go home. i know i'm going to do something stupid... i'm just so tired and it really doesn't feel like i have anyone to run to. god, i know what i need to do but i don't want to do it.
what happened to the robotic plan? this is a temporary lapse, i promise. i've gotten a lot done today, a few moments of complete breakdown to make up for it, but overall much more productive than i expected. just keep swimming.
i am so close to being done with ecology studying, as i promised myself i'd do all the reading to make up for what i've missed. i have about twenty minutes before i have to take my medicine and then i'll go to sleep, so hopefully i'll finish it by then. i just needed a break.
despite my efforts to turn myself into a brick, today has been possibly one of the most taxing yet. my legs feel like jello, i can't really make the whole walk between classes so i've had to take breaks here and there. and then i thought i was okay until i lost it before calc. i just want to go home. really. because i know that once i get home nothing here will matter, and maybe that's a bit of a relief? then i think about it and... god, i don't know. i've found myself running to the wrong people, or maybe all along i've been running to the wrong people and now i'm doing the right thing? whatever, regardless of all of this, i know what the "right thing" is and it really pisses me off because i've just been lying to myself. but of course, then i try to discuss this and i get knocked down, chastised for finally saying what i know i should have been saying all year long. i really have neglected the few people here that i know--and have always known--that i could trust, and all because i was stupid and paranoid... and i don't know how to make it up to them. i wish love didn't always mean romance. i wish it was easy enough to say it without it being taken the wrong way. anyway. i'm getting ahead of myself.
point = i want to go home. i know i'm going to do something stupid... i'm just so tired and it really doesn't feel like i have anyone to run to. god, i know what i need to do but i don't want to do it.
what happened to the robotic plan? this is a temporary lapse, i promise. i've gotten a lot done today, a few moments of complete breakdown to make up for it, but overall much more productive than i expected. just keep swimming.