fandom_muses :: January :: New Year's Resolutions
If you made a New Year’s Resolution, do you honestly believe you’ll keep it?
New Year’s Resolutions are real funny things. Everybody makes one - well, a lot more than one really, if you polled everyone, but that would depend on people being honest which they generally are not, so, moving on - but by February, most of those bright and shiny resolutions are broken.
See, here’s where it gets amusing to me: magazines.
No, really, just go with me on this. Pick your poison - Cosmo, Glamour, Elle, other magazines that aren’t nearly as popular, even the teen ones, Seventeen, Teen People, Elle Girl, and whatever one’s are popular for men (wouldn’t know because I’m not one, clearly). Alright, have ya picked one? Great.
Now, for the purposes of my amusement, we’re gonna assume that ya own several of them. Oh, but let me take this opportunity to warn everyone about this really lame scam. You know when you’re shopping or whatever and you go to check out and the overworked, underpaid retail associate looks at ya with the bright, hopeful eyes of perhaps getting an extra dime of a raise and asks if you’d like to sign up to get three free magazines? And then, you say yes, because hey, we’ve all done the retail thing, and it blows. So, then? They’re all smiles and say that you gotta remember to cancel before the three months is up, but you’re all smiles too because hey, free magazines! Well, if you call the number to cancel? It totally doesn’t cancel. It like faux-cancels, and what’s up with that? It renews annually, which is also weird, but yeah, some freaky weird magazine company took money from me, and it was lame. Did I notice this when I was broke? No, of course not, because hey, that would’ve been smart! Nope. I noticed this once I got to my bitchin’ job at Wolfram & Hart; I signed on to the magic of online banking and noticed a weird transaction right after my big, fantastic paycheck. Anyway!
So, you’ve got magazines from let’s say October. And, just because it says October doesn’t mean it came out in October because they’re like a month ahead sometimes. But, that’s not entirely the point. You have your fall issues. They’re all gearing up for the holidays and that’s when the resolution point starts to get hammered in. Hell, forget hammer, it’s more like an electric screwdriver going to town on your brain - like one of those procedures people like McDreamy and McSteamy and whatever other McHotPants doctors are out there do. October-to-January, it’s like page after page of how to look better, how to dress better, how to lose ten pounds, how to get great abs, how to land a new man, how to keep the man ya have, etc.
Okay, so it’s January now, and you’ve got the February issue in the mail. Any mention of resolutions? That’s a big hell to no because they don’t mention them. They’re gone. It’s like, hey, thanks for reading and making a personal commitment to yourself that you never planned to keep, now let’s move on to getting your best haircut ever and learning fantastic new sex tips that no one’s ever tried but they sure sound like fun!
So, sure, I made a couple of resolutions, but once February gets here, who knows!
New Year’s Resolutions are real funny things. Everybody makes one - well, a lot more than one really, if you polled everyone, but that would depend on people being honest which they generally are not, so, moving on - but by February, most of those bright and shiny resolutions are broken.
See, here’s where it gets amusing to me: magazines.
No, really, just go with me on this. Pick your poison - Cosmo, Glamour, Elle, other magazines that aren’t nearly as popular, even the teen ones, Seventeen, Teen People, Elle Girl, and whatever one’s are popular for men (wouldn’t know because I’m not one, clearly). Alright, have ya picked one? Great.
Now, for the purposes of my amusement, we’re gonna assume that ya own several of them. Oh, but let me take this opportunity to warn everyone about this really lame scam. You know when you’re shopping or whatever and you go to check out and the overworked, underpaid retail associate looks at ya with the bright, hopeful eyes of perhaps getting an extra dime of a raise and asks if you’d like to sign up to get three free magazines? And then, you say yes, because hey, we’ve all done the retail thing, and it blows. So, then? They’re all smiles and say that you gotta remember to cancel before the three months is up, but you’re all smiles too because hey, free magazines! Well, if you call the number to cancel? It totally doesn’t cancel. It like faux-cancels, and what’s up with that? It renews annually, which is also weird, but yeah, some freaky weird magazine company took money from me, and it was lame. Did I notice this when I was broke? No, of course not, because hey, that would’ve been smart! Nope. I noticed this once I got to my bitchin’ job at Wolfram & Hart; I signed on to the magic of online banking and noticed a weird transaction right after my big, fantastic paycheck. Anyway!
So, you’ve got magazines from let’s say October. And, just because it says October doesn’t mean it came out in October because they’re like a month ahead sometimes. But, that’s not entirely the point. You have your fall issues. They’re all gearing up for the holidays and that’s when the resolution point starts to get hammered in. Hell, forget hammer, it’s more like an electric screwdriver going to town on your brain - like one of those procedures people like McDreamy and McSteamy and whatever other McHotPants doctors are out there do. October-to-January, it’s like page after page of how to look better, how to dress better, how to lose ten pounds, how to get great abs, how to land a new man, how to keep the man ya have, etc.
Okay, so it’s January now, and you’ve got the February issue in the mail. Any mention of resolutions? That’s a big hell to no because they don’t mention them. They’re gone. It’s like, hey, thanks for reading and making a personal commitment to yourself that you never planned to keep, now let’s move on to getting your best haircut ever and learning fantastic new sex tips that no one’s ever tried but they sure sound like fun!
So, sure, I made a couple of resolutions, but once February gets here, who knows!