❈ | 003 | Written
In the Ragman's Harbor in Braavos, I'd see all kinds of people. Cat saw all kinds of people. It's like that here, but not as fun. I'd have to learn three new things each month I was out, and then I'd bring them back to the House of Black and White and stop being Cat o'the Canals, and be no one again. I'd try to be no one, but it's harder than I thought it would be. I'm learning, though. I'm no one.
The Lyseni always laugh when I come around. I call them camel cunts, and they laugh and laugh and they'd buy all my oysters. And when the Westerosi come, they laugh too, and they don't laugh at my accent, so that's better. I like it there: they almost never get mad when I insult them. When they do, I just wheel my cart right into them, and they yell and their friends laugh and I leave. I don't smell like fish anymore. [Yes she does, because ff she's used to bathing once a month. It's just faded. A little.]
I don't like it here. I was learning how to listen and sneak and see in Braavos. Soon I'll learn how to kill. I already know how to kill, I know where the heart is, but I need to do it better. It's easy to kill someone who's already hurt and it's easy to kill someone who doesn't expect to be killed, but it won't always be like that. Ser Gregor, Dunsen, Raff the Sweetling. Ser Ilyn, Ser Meryn, Queen Cersei. It won't always be like that with them.
It was like that with the boy in the stable, though. And the guard at Harrenhal. And the weasel soup. And Dareon. I killed one of your brothers, Jon. He was a deserter, he deserved to die. He fought the fat brother and married a whore. He told me he was going to sing his way to the Purple Harbor. So I gave him a red smile and took his boots, and then I came here. I don't know why I'm here. I'm not a criminal. And even if I was, I'd want to go to the Wall. I pretended to be a boy before. It wasn't hard. I liked pretending. Gendry treated me different when he found out I'm supposed to be a lady. I don't ever want to be a lady. And I don't ever want to see Gendry again, except sometimes I do. He was supposed to be pack, but he left me.
Sometimes people have to leave. I made Nymeria go, so they wouldn't kill her, but they killed Lady because of her. Because of me. And Sansa hated me. I don't really miss her. I miss Nymeria, though. And I miss having wolf dreams. I don't have them anymore.
I want them back.
The Lyseni always laugh when I come around. I call them camel cunts, and they laugh and laugh and they'd buy all my oysters. And when the Westerosi come, they laugh too, and they don't laugh at my accent, so that's better. I like it there: they almost never get mad when I insult them. When they do, I just wheel my cart right into them, and they yell and their friends laugh and I leave. I don't smell like fish anymore. [Yes she does, because ff she's used to bathing once a month. It's just faded. A little.]
I don't like it here. I was learning how to listen and sneak and see in Braavos. Soon I'll learn how to kill. I already know how to kill, I know where the heart is, but I need to do it better. It's easy to kill someone who's already hurt and it's easy to kill someone who doesn't expect to be killed, but it won't always be like that. Ser Gregor, Dunsen, Raff the Sweetling. Ser Ilyn, Ser Meryn, Queen Cersei. It won't always be like that with them.
It was like that with the boy in the stable, though. And the guard at Harrenhal. And the weasel soup. And Dareon. I killed one of your brothers, Jon. He was a deserter, he deserved to die. He fought the fat brother and married a whore. He told me he was going to sing his way to the Purple Harbor. So I gave him a red smile and took his boots, and then I came here. I don't know why I'm here. I'm not a criminal. And even if I was, I'd want to go to the Wall. I pretended to be a boy before. It wasn't hard. I liked pretending. Gendry treated me different when he found out I'm supposed to be a lady. I don't ever want to be a lady. And I don't ever want to see Gendry again, except sometimes I do. He was supposed to be pack, but he left me.
Sometimes people have to leave. I made Nymeria go, so they wouldn't kill her, but they killed Lady because of her. Because of me. And Sansa hated me. I don't really miss her. I miss Nymeria, though. And I miss having wolf dreams. I don't have them anymore.
I want them back.