(no subject)
Life has destroyed me in such a surprising and amazing way. I feel dissected into these tiny little fits of passion, emotion, sadness, wholeness. I have the most unbelievable friends and family who would drop anyfuckingthing for me in an instant to stop me from feeling the smallest bit of loneliness, or sadness. I love them with all of my heart, except, and here is where the biggest change in my life comes, except for the part of my heart where I love myself. And of course they overlap, but the overwhelming nature of enjoying your own presence is unreal. I want to coach everyone to be able to do this, but I know it is a long and seemingly endless battle. Twenty five years old, and I can honestly say, I do not care what I do for work for the rest of my life. Yes, I have some ideas, some things I'd love to do, but to not have to care about money, or stress about being this thing I'm supposed to be, or think that I have to have a certain kind of job to be meaningful, or change the world, or save a life, is the most sincere sense of freedom I think I can ever have. The only reason I am able to disregard these things everyone else holds so dear, is just because one day I decided they should not be important to me. I finally have authority over myself, my thoughts, and the things I am going to do in my lifetime. I am so fortunate to have gotten here at such a young age, with my whole life ahead of me to never regret a missed opportunity. I look around at the grass, see bugs doing their buggy things, watch them like they are a whole civilization of beings that I will never understand, that I will never squish. I love them because they have life, have energy. They were put here for a real reason (and I am not referencing anything religious here). The spirits of all the living creatures roaming the world, looking for a place to just exist, or suckle a flower, or run barefoot through the mud, or eat italian ice on a stoop, they are magical. We all melt together and become each other, every time you kill a bug I bet you don't feel that little piece of your heart breaking, but I am convinced that it does.
Love everyone as much as you can, because all living things are yourself, and you are, whether you see it or not, amazing, beautiful, flawed, resilient. No one can extinguish that which burns out of control. Breathe.
Love everyone as much as you can, because all living things are yourself, and you are, whether you see it or not, amazing, beautiful, flawed, resilient. No one can extinguish that which burns out of control. Breathe.