(no subject)
one.
I went to Bliss Spa at the W Hotel this morning. I had lunch with a friend from high school in the afternoon. I took a long nap when I got home in the early evening. I should feel like this everyday.
two.
at Aloha, we learned that Rafael hates mochi.
today I remembered that sometimes I hate Rafael.
I took off my glasses while you were yelling at me once (more than once)/ so as not to see you see me react/ should've put them on again/ so I could see you see me sincerely yelling back
three.
now that I've moved into the attic, I fall asleep to the glow of the holiday lights I've hung over my bed. I am always warm. I feel so small in such a big room. it is the perfect place to disappear. my mother says she is amazed at how peaceful my new living space is. if the habitat we create for ourself is indicative of our state of mind, I'm happy to say that I'm in a much better place than I was a few months ago.
four.
Kitchen Poems freewrite.
we always swim somewhere beneath our mothers. it is when she first comes to call when we learn the way our mouths fold to say our own names. it is only through practice that our bodies follow, through fear we reject. how we come to call ourselves. how we never forget to breathe. it is only by luck of this cell memory that we know survival.
breathe because we are vanishing. because I see us sinking into floorboards. breathe because you are barely there. it has been so long since you have become, and all I ever wanted from you was the becoming. our arms swung as our glory boxes bloomed, thinking nothing could hurt us but the end of a song. I kept singing as you became, not that I understood what it meant to let moonlight swallow us- I knew only that some songs never end.
five.
so why did I kiss him so hard late last friday night and keep on letting him change all my plans?/ I'm either so sick in the head I need to be bled dry to quit or I just really used to love him/ (I sure hope that's it)