I remember Halloween
Whoo. Its been since summer. Why do I even have one of these?
Winter makes me nostalgic, always. I hate it.
Sometimes I feel like my life didn't really begin till high school, like all the shit that happened before that summer between 8th and 9th grade was shitty prep work. Aside of a few key events -- moving to GA, meeting Jess Jennings and Danielle Tremblay (grades 3 and 5, respectively), Brian dying -- I don't really feel like anything before 14 mattered that much. Thats when all the big shit started happening-- when I first fell in love, realizing I was bi, starting to cut, losing my virginity... I didn't say they were all GOOD, just big.
I went to Punktober Fest 2 last night. It made me think of where I was last Halloween, the first Punktober Fest. And where everyone else was, too.
I've been sitting around, listening to all my old songs... The Ramones haven't seen this much action in my CD player since '04. My first love song was The KKK Took My Baby Away.
I've been watching my old movies. I still can't watch Fight Club or hear The Pixies without remembering that one night.
I SWEAR I'm not in love anymore. I haven't been in love in a while, and I haven't felt anything real for someone new in even longer.
I miss walking through the woods with that assbag, looking at the floating bridge, which to me is still the most beautiful place in the world.
I miss cuddling in the chairs, "sleeping" together and smiling at our secrets.
I miss Suwanee Elementary School, and all our play-dates.
I miss walking home to Soy's down the street from the couldesac, all three of us flushed with cold and excited rebelliousness.
I miss sneaking him in at night.
I miss the tree fort.
I miss the couches outside Hot Topic and the benches outside Avenues and the bookshelves at Barnes and Noble and the food court McDonalds and Sam Goodys, where they hated us so much.
I miss cuddling naked, back when that was enough (I miss that time even more).
And the clock keeps on turning....
Its been a while since all those years. Winter 04 was the most defining of my entire life. It was when I was with Akeem, when I got close with Danny, when everyone was on meth, when had my first "real" drink, when I got a taste of the real world and its cruelties...
"It was the best of times, it was the worst of times" doesn't even BEGIN to cover it.
Winter 05 Joe's remission and rehab, my mother being sick, thinking I could finally move on to someone new and having it pulled out from beneath me, among other things of course.
Oh, we got a puppy too. Welcome-back-from-detox present.
I really am scared what Winter 06 has in store. Already people are back on shit, spiraling away, Joe almost died in a car crash (DUI), Mom's sick again...
I look at how much is different, and I look at how much is the same.
I'm almost glad I have surgery the 22nd of December, it'll throw me out of everything for pretty much all of winter break.
Except, I hope to my everything, for my true friends, who I hope will be around while I'm bed-ridden and visit a little bit. Its gonna suck, dolls.
So I propose this, though I know nobody reads LJ anymore: We can all get under the same blankets, play the same music, and maybe make some new memories so that next year, I have more good things about winter to become nostalgic about than bad.
Happy Winter 2006.
Winter makes me nostalgic, always. I hate it.
Sometimes I feel like my life didn't really begin till high school, like all the shit that happened before that summer between 8th and 9th grade was shitty prep work. Aside of a few key events -- moving to GA, meeting Jess Jennings and Danielle Tremblay (grades 3 and 5, respectively), Brian dying -- I don't really feel like anything before 14 mattered that much. Thats when all the big shit started happening-- when I first fell in love, realizing I was bi, starting to cut, losing my virginity... I didn't say they were all GOOD, just big.
I went to Punktober Fest 2 last night. It made me think of where I was last Halloween, the first Punktober Fest. And where everyone else was, too.
I've been sitting around, listening to all my old songs... The Ramones haven't seen this much action in my CD player since '04. My first love song was The KKK Took My Baby Away.
I've been watching my old movies. I still can't watch Fight Club or hear The Pixies without remembering that one night.
I SWEAR I'm not in love anymore. I haven't been in love in a while, and I haven't felt anything real for someone new in even longer.
I miss walking through the woods with that assbag, looking at the floating bridge, which to me is still the most beautiful place in the world.
I miss cuddling in the chairs, "sleeping" together and smiling at our secrets.
I miss Suwanee Elementary School, and all our play-dates.
I miss walking home to Soy's down the street from the couldesac, all three of us flushed with cold and excited rebelliousness.
I miss sneaking him in at night.
I miss the tree fort.
I miss the couches outside Hot Topic and the benches outside Avenues and the bookshelves at Barnes and Noble and the food court McDonalds and Sam Goodys, where they hated us so much.
I miss cuddling naked, back when that was enough (I miss that time even more).
And the clock keeps on turning....
Its been a while since all those years. Winter 04 was the most defining of my entire life. It was when I was with Akeem, when I got close with Danny, when everyone was on meth, when had my first "real" drink, when I got a taste of the real world and its cruelties...
"It was the best of times, it was the worst of times" doesn't even BEGIN to cover it.
Winter 05 Joe's remission and rehab, my mother being sick, thinking I could finally move on to someone new and having it pulled out from beneath me, among other things of course.
Oh, we got a puppy too. Welcome-back-from-detox present.
I really am scared what Winter 06 has in store. Already people are back on shit, spiraling away, Joe almost died in a car crash (DUI), Mom's sick again...
I look at how much is different, and I look at how much is the same.
I'm almost glad I have surgery the 22nd of December, it'll throw me out of everything for pretty much all of winter break.
Except, I hope to my everything, for my true friends, who I hope will be around while I'm bed-ridden and visit a little bit. Its gonna suck, dolls.
So I propose this, though I know nobody reads LJ anymore: We can all get under the same blankets, play the same music, and maybe make some new memories so that next year, I have more good things about winter to become nostalgic about than bad.
Happy Winter 2006.