Maybe the music will help it die...

[myownscrdhrt]

I find it funny.  How long I can go without wanting it, without needing it, without even thinking about it.  And then it'll come back out of no where and I don't even understand.  Just this... tense feeling in my chest that signals the beginning of a panic attack, that I know is being brought on by my urge to cut, which is being brought on... by something that's a total mystery to me.  It's really annoying.  It's really scary.  And I want it to stop.
I've been hanging out with some guys lately.  They were just aquaintences.  Friend's of friends.  Then me and the best started helping with their band and now we're hanging out all the time.  I haven't seen them in almost a week and now... right now I'm so glad we're hanging out with them tonight, because I need some kind of distraction other than iTunes and clicking my phone open and shut.  I just wish it would stop, you know?

Take care all.  I'm trying to.

-Jessica