Week 2 But Not Really: A pause in the action
Are you here because you've been advised that your username was linked in this entry? Please... do read on. It's possibly important, or possibly not. Depends on how you feel about public critique of your LJI work. Maybe go for the big chunk of boldface toward the end if you're really pressed for time.
So what does LJI The Community do with its first available round of eliminations? First, they band together and try to eliminate me-- but succeed only in eliminating my possible e-Soulmate with a very different kind of peanut butter in his/her snark-chocolate. (March 2014-March 2014 - dont_be_second. NEVER FORGET.)
Secondly, after disabling DBS, then coming by en masse to complain that my own gimmick is horribly mean and terribly unfair to the "innocent of LJI," they band together once again as a community... to vote out two children.
Two.
Children.
In the very first week of what everyone widely believes to be the last round of LJI forever and ever.
Congratulations, Idolators. Talk about a bunch with a perfectly-defined moral center. Not even I would dare deprive children from discovering the joys of writing.
After this shameful community "performance," the right thing for me to do would be to take on a harder-edged, 100% honest, totally unforgiving (and unapologetic) approach to critique. LJI clearly deserves nothing better.
Politically speaking, though, it behooves me to hold off on that approach for at least another week.
See, I know there are those of you out there who clearly see the merit-- and fun-- in what I'm doing. Although I have no plans to stop until I'm ready to stop, I also don't expect to "officially" last long, especially after that oh-so-clear "OMG this will so not stand!!!" message you sent me-- and, who can forget, THOSE INNOCENT FIRST-TIME-WRITING CHILDREN YOU ALL MURDERED-- via the polls last week.
But I'm still hoping to amass an army of the righteous. Yeah, see, I've always wanted one of those. We could all get together and stage some kind of needlessly bloody insurrection under my leadership, maybe at the corner Whataburger. After that, it might be fun to bring everyone down to Guyana for one of those super-fun special-Kool-Aid picnics my total-buzzkill parents would never let me organize growing up.
And to amass this righteous-super-fun army, I need to survive a little longer in the "official" running to build up my number of slavish cult devotees. One thing that might help keep me "officially" going a bit longer, in addition to the three byes I have at my disposal (let's just call them "pretend byes," as I'll be doing my thing here every week unless someone finds and physically murders me), is to make what I'm doing a little more... "fair."
When I decided upon my MO for this season, I knew someone would unfortunately have to be the first "unwitting" victim. Not much I could reasonably do about that in the first round. I've been all over this with some of you in the comment thread who objected to the inherent "unfairness" of my critique-selection process.
However, the thing is, I was counting all along on the community to collectively gasp in Week 1, then quickly get word out re: what would "happen" to first-in-topic-thread posters, at least from Week 2 onward. That way, I could know that said first-in-topic-thread posters and I had more of an explicit agreement going.
Maybe you've been expecting that I would go away more quickly, or you've all just been too busy MURDERING INNOCENT CHILDREN AFTER THOROUGHLY CRUSHING THEIR DREAMS. But either way, "you" have failed to get the word out in the way I'd expected.
So now it falls on me to re-re-re-warn the community, using the cheapest and most obnoxious of last-resort "hey you really ought to read this" tactics. What follows is absolutely the final warning you'll receive from me. After this post, all of you are definitely fair game.
The boldface text / warning that brought you here, maybe:
The modus operandi of this account is to take the first posted response to ANY LJ Idol topic prompt and critique it with gloves fully off, essentially for my own entertainment. (Thus, the chosen acct handle dont_be_first.)
From Week 3 onward, if you post the first linked entry-response to a TOPIC prompt, what you have written WILL also be written about in this account within a matter of days or hours. While I do not make it a goal to be "mean" without cause, what I choose to write about what you've written may not be altogether kindhearted and/or pleasant to hear. (The less obnoxious / pointless / badly constructed your entry, of course, the less "risk" you'll run of some random person saying Horrible Things about it on the Internets.)
Subsequent edits / switcharoos will NOT save you. I will be keeping screenshots / archives of what you first posted, which will serve as the basis of my own entry about your entry.
If you DO NOT WISH to receive critique on an LJI entry in this manner, do not post your entry first in the LJI topic thread. Save it. Look it over for mistakes. Hold onto it until someone else volunteers for my "process."
This warning goes for ALL active LJI contestants and does NOT necessarily expire with my "official" run / vote-out in Season 9. (Don't expect me to quit just because I was fired. I do this 100% for the lulz.) If you ever post your entry first at any time this season, you've inherently agreed to smell and/or swallow what I'm cookin'.
Yes, this goes for ALL of... sigh... all of the following LJI participants: ____hejira, 10wordwritings, abigailendersby, adoptedwriter, adpaz, agirlnamedluna, aimercat, aimingtobefit, alephz, alexpgp, alifetolove, allie63, aluragayle, alycewilson, anghogan26, annaonthemoon, ashgaelsonaria, auntiegrizelda, az_starshine, b_coy, banyangirl1832, barrelofrain, basric, baxaphobia, beautyofgrey, beeker121, beldarzfixon, initial-DBF-target-who-seems-not-to-have-noticed belenen, belgatherial, bewize, bhyphen, binaryorchid, bleodswean, blergeatkitty, bookishgeek, boyfrond, brides_koneko, buddyhollylover, bunnika, cacophonesque, caile, carpinteria_pen, catwomon, cheshire23, cloworora, coachpeg, colonelperry42n, copyright1983, crafty_callie, crazed_delusion, crazypuce, crimsonplum, crochet_all_day, dakotawitch, deathling, deidrewilliams, deza, diagenou, dizzydog, dreamsofspike, dreamsreflected, druidspell, dusty_chenille, ecosopher, eeyore_grrl, ellakite, elledanger, elvagreenfield, emo_snal, eska818, esteletheque, eternal_ot, ewok_626, faerie_spark, favoritebean, finding_helena, flipflop_diva, fodschwazzle, fourzoas, fringebenefits, furzicle, gisellewakefld, goldmourn, grail76, gratefuladdict, halfshellvenus, heatherenchantd, heeroluva, hipsterthulhu, hosticle_fifer, i_17bingo, i_love_freddie, i_will_not_say, iamapremo, icaruslived, illittorate, imafarmgirl, impoetry, improper_me, inawrites, irradescent, isle_of_apples, itsjustc, iwriteflash, jem0000000, jenandbronze, jexia, jfargo, joyfulfeather, kagomeshuko, kajel, kandigurl, karmasoup, kate_spencer, kathrynrose, kbr_shorts, kecharasmoon, kehlen_crow, kenakeri, kianna_leigh, kickthehobbit, kittenboo, kotenok_angel, kristalsawesome, kshandra, labelleizzy, lapinquichante, lapis_lazuli615, lawchicky, lealila, lebonheurbum, letthemtakeit, lilly_rose, lilmissmagic71, linzbnl, liregran, livsnjutare, ljidolvillian, locknkey, lordrexfear, lostin_thestars, lrig_rorrim, luscious_purple, mac_arthur_park, maerhys, magenta_girl, majesticarky, malinaldarose, mallorys_camera, malruniel11, mamas_minion, mari4212, marjory, mask_and_dagger, mezzogiorno, mezzominty, miintikwa, minikin, mistearyusdiva2, mme_furiosa, monkeysugarmama, morleysnow, mothermelete, mstrobel, muchtooarrogant, n3m3sis43, octavian_trex, ohelectricshock, onda_bianca, oxymoron67, p_m_cryan, paws2see, pen_name, pennywhistle, penpusher, phoenixejc, phoenixansfyr, pipistrelle, poppetawoppet, porn_this_way, puppetmaker40, randomtaleaday, rattsu, raven_annabelle, ravenshrinkery, rayaso, reborn_spirit, reckless_blues, roina_arwen, rswndrlst, ryl, sarcasmoqueen, sdaisyk, seakittym, selcazare, sensitivinferno, seratonation, sestinaqueen, shadowwolf13, shanns_ljidol, shay_writes, shimmerdream, similiesslip, sinnamongirl, slammerkinbabe, smiittenz, snarkerdoodle, sneakishfrog, sobota, solstice_singer, sonarvampress, sorchawench, spydielives, sra33, stacieann15, stacyrocks, subtleheart, suesniffsglue, superhappytime, surpanakhalives, sweeny_todd, swirlsofblue, taleanea, talonkarrde88, tamaraland, tatdatcm, tattoosnteacups, team_jessie, teddyescher, the_dark_snack, the_lettersea, thealogicallady, thenodrin, thesammichfox, theun4givables, tigrkittn, tjoel2, tonithegreat, tsuki_no_bara, uncawes, unmowngrass, vaudy, veronica_rich, violaconspiracy, walkertxkitty, waltzmatildah, watching_ships, waveform_delta, welfy, whipchick, witches, witchwife, wyliekat, x_disturbed_x, xlovebecomesher, xo_kizzy_xo, xshibumix, yachiru, yuniebaby... and last but not least, because previous "targeting" by our too-brief friend dont_be_second won't save you either: zhent.
And yes, I know that LJ's notification of usertagging isn't always working 100% lately and/or that some of you seem to have it switched off. Not my problem. I did what I could do here, and from here on I'm going to do exactly what I came here to do.
If you're STILL super-worried about Protecting the Innocent (and/or the Non-Crit-Wanting), go do your goddamn non-childhood-dream-killing part in the LJI community and help me get the word out.
I suppose I could finish up here with a critique of kecharasmoon's first-posted Week 2 entry, but I'm feeling particularly generous. Besides, from his/her Week 0 introduction, I have learned that both I and kecharasmoon share "being fat" in common, and I know exactly what that's like. So, just this once, I'm inclined to go easy on both of us.
Guess I'll just see all of you next week, and as always: don't be first.
So what does LJI The Community do with its first available round of eliminations? First, they band together and try to eliminate me-- but succeed only in eliminating my possible e-Soulmate with a very different kind of peanut butter in his/her snark-chocolate. (March 2014-March 2014 - dont_be_second. NEVER FORGET.)
Secondly, after disabling DBS, then coming by en masse to complain that my own gimmick is horribly mean and terribly unfair to the "innocent of LJI," they band together once again as a community... to vote out two children.
Two.
Children.
In the very first week of what everyone widely believes to be the last round of LJI forever and ever.
Congratulations, Idolators. Talk about a bunch with a perfectly-defined moral center. Not even I would dare deprive children from discovering the joys of writing.
After this shameful community "performance," the right thing for me to do would be to take on a harder-edged, 100% honest, totally unforgiving (and unapologetic) approach to critique. LJI clearly deserves nothing better.
Politically speaking, though, it behooves me to hold off on that approach for at least another week.
See, I know there are those of you out there who clearly see the merit-- and fun-- in what I'm doing. Although I have no plans to stop until I'm ready to stop, I also don't expect to "officially" last long, especially after that oh-so-clear "OMG this will so not stand!!!" message you sent me-- and, who can forget, THOSE INNOCENT FIRST-TIME-WRITING CHILDREN YOU ALL MURDERED-- via the polls last week.
But I'm still hoping to amass an army of the righteous. Yeah, see, I've always wanted one of those. We could all get together and stage some kind of needlessly bloody insurrection under my leadership, maybe at the corner Whataburger. After that, it might be fun to bring everyone down to Guyana for one of those super-fun special-Kool-Aid picnics my total-buzzkill parents would never let me organize growing up.
And to amass this righteous-super-fun army, I need to survive a little longer in the "official" running to build up my number of slavish cult devotees. One thing that might help keep me "officially" going a bit longer, in addition to the three byes I have at my disposal (let's just call them "pretend byes," as I'll be doing my thing here every week unless someone finds and physically murders me), is to make what I'm doing a little more... "fair."
When I decided upon my MO for this season, I knew someone would unfortunately have to be the first "unwitting" victim. Not much I could reasonably do about that in the first round. I've been all over this with some of you in the comment thread who objected to the inherent "unfairness" of my critique-selection process.
However, the thing is, I was counting all along on the community to collectively gasp in Week 1, then quickly get word out re: what would "happen" to first-in-topic-thread posters, at least from Week 2 onward. That way, I could know that said first-in-topic-thread posters and I had more of an explicit agreement going.
Maybe you've been expecting that I would go away more quickly, or you've all just been too busy MURDERING INNOCENT CHILDREN AFTER THOROUGHLY CRUSHING THEIR DREAMS. But either way, "you" have failed to get the word out in the way I'd expected.
So now it falls on me to re-re-re-warn the community, using the cheapest and most obnoxious of last-resort "hey you really ought to read this" tactics. What follows is absolutely the final warning you'll receive from me. After this post, all of you are definitely fair game.
The boldface text / warning that brought you here, maybe:
The modus operandi of this account is to take the first posted response to ANY LJ Idol topic prompt and critique it with gloves fully off, essentially for my own entertainment. (Thus, the chosen acct handle dont_be_first.)
From Week 3 onward, if you post the first linked entry-response to a TOPIC prompt, what you have written WILL also be written about in this account within a matter of days or hours. While I do not make it a goal to be "mean" without cause, what I choose to write about what you've written may not be altogether kindhearted and/or pleasant to hear. (The less obnoxious / pointless / badly constructed your entry, of course, the less "risk" you'll run of some random person saying Horrible Things about it on the Internets.)
Subsequent edits / switcharoos will NOT save you. I will be keeping screenshots / archives of what you first posted, which will serve as the basis of my own entry about your entry.
If you DO NOT WISH to receive critique on an LJI entry in this manner, do not post your entry first in the LJI topic thread. Save it. Look it over for mistakes. Hold onto it until someone else volunteers for my "process."
This warning goes for ALL active LJI contestants and does NOT necessarily expire with my "official" run / vote-out in Season 9. (Don't expect me to quit just because I was fired. I do this 100% for the lulz.) If you ever post your entry first at any time this season, you've inherently agreed to smell and/or swallow what I'm cookin'.
Yes, this goes for ALL of... sigh... all of the following LJI participants: ____hejira, 10wordwritings, abigailendersby, adoptedwriter, adpaz, agirlnamedluna, aimercat, aimingtobefit, alephz, alexpgp, alifetolove, allie63, aluragayle, alycewilson, anghogan26, annaonthemoon, ashgaelsonaria, auntiegrizelda, az_starshine, b_coy, banyangirl1832, barrelofrain, basric, baxaphobia, beautyofgrey, beeker121, beldarzfixon, initial-DBF-target-who-seems-not-to-have-noticed belenen, belgatherial, bewize, bhyphen, binaryorchid, bleodswean, blergeatkitty, bookishgeek, boyfrond, brides_koneko, buddyhollylover, bunnika, cacophonesque, caile, carpinteria_pen, catwomon, cheshire23, cloworora, coachpeg, colonelperry42n, copyright1983, crafty_callie, crazed_delusion, crazypuce, crimsonplum, crochet_all_day, dakotawitch, deathling, deidrewilliams, deza, diagenou, dizzydog, dreamsofspike, dreamsreflected, druidspell, dusty_chenille, ecosopher, eeyore_grrl, ellakite, elledanger, elvagreenfield, emo_snal, eska818, esteletheque, eternal_ot, ewok_626, faerie_spark, favoritebean, finding_helena, flipflop_diva, fodschwazzle, fourzoas, fringebenefits, furzicle, gisellewakefld, goldmourn, grail76, gratefuladdict, halfshellvenus, heatherenchantd, heeroluva, hipsterthulhu, hosticle_fifer, i_17bingo, i_love_freddie, i_will_not_say, iamapremo, icaruslived, illittorate, imafarmgirl, impoetry, improper_me, inawrites, irradescent, isle_of_apples, itsjustc, iwriteflash, jem0000000, jenandbronze, jexia, jfargo, joyfulfeather, kagomeshuko, kajel, kandigurl, karmasoup, kate_spencer, kathrynrose, kbr_shorts, kecharasmoon, kehlen_crow, kenakeri, kianna_leigh, kickthehobbit, kittenboo, kotenok_angel, kristalsawesome, kshandra, labelleizzy, lapinquichante, lapis_lazuli615, lawchicky, lealila, lebonheurbum, letthemtakeit, lilly_rose, lilmissmagic71, linzbnl, liregran, livsnjutare, ljidolvillian, locknkey, lordrexfear, lostin_thestars, lrig_rorrim, luscious_purple, mac_arthur_park, maerhys, magenta_girl, majesticarky, malinaldarose, mallorys_camera, malruniel11, mamas_minion, mari4212, marjory, mask_and_dagger, mezzogiorno, mezzominty, miintikwa, minikin, mistearyusdiva2, mme_furiosa, monkeysugarmama, morleysnow, mothermelete, mstrobel, muchtooarrogant, n3m3sis43, octavian_trex, ohelectricshock, onda_bianca, oxymoron67, p_m_cryan, paws2see, pen_name, pennywhistle, penpusher, phoenixejc, phoenixansfyr, pipistrelle, poppetawoppet, porn_this_way, puppetmaker40, randomtaleaday, rattsu, raven_annabelle, ravenshrinkery, rayaso, reborn_spirit, reckless_blues, roina_arwen, rswndrlst, ryl, sarcasmoqueen, sdaisyk, seakittym, selcazare, sensitivinferno, seratonation, sestinaqueen, shadowwolf13, shanns_ljidol, shay_writes, shimmerdream, similiesslip, sinnamongirl, slammerkinbabe, smiittenz, snarkerdoodle, sneakishfrog, sobota, solstice_singer, sonarvampress, sorchawench, spydielives, sra33, stacieann15, stacyrocks, subtleheart, suesniffsglue, superhappytime, surpanakhalives, sweeny_todd, swirlsofblue, taleanea, talonkarrde88, tamaraland, tatdatcm, tattoosnteacups, team_jessie, teddyescher, the_dark_snack, the_lettersea, thealogicallady, thenodrin, thesammichfox, theun4givables, tigrkittn, tjoel2, tonithegreat, tsuki_no_bara, uncawes, unmowngrass, vaudy, veronica_rich, violaconspiracy, walkertxkitty, waltzmatildah, watching_ships, waveform_delta, welfy, whipchick, witches, witchwife, wyliekat, x_disturbed_x, xlovebecomesher, xo_kizzy_xo, xshibumix, yachiru, yuniebaby... and last but not least, because previous "targeting" by our too-brief friend dont_be_second won't save you either: zhent.
And yes, I know that LJ's notification of usertagging isn't always working 100% lately and/or that some of you seem to have it switched off. Not my problem. I did what I could do here, and from here on I'm going to do exactly what I came here to do.
If you're STILL super-worried about Protecting the Innocent (and/or the Non-Crit-Wanting), go do your goddamn non-childhood-dream-killing part in the LJI community and help me get the word out.
I suppose I could finish up here with a critique of kecharasmoon's first-posted Week 2 entry, but I'm feeling particularly generous. Besides, from his/her Week 0 introduction, I have learned that both I and kecharasmoon share "being fat" in common, and I know exactly what that's like. So, just this once, I'm inclined to go easy on both of us.
Guess I'll just see all of you next week, and as always: don't be first.