what have i done to myself, to you.
im not sure what to think right now i am overwhelmed with emotion and although my mother claims it to be of psychsomatic nature, my throat has begun to sting once again, like the time i had to have my throat cut open and sucked out through a cloudy, very dull looking tubular device. indeed, i felt that it had no business inside of me, nor was it good enough to be able to take my insides along with it.
i think ive done something i cant account for. not anything like stealing, although i did confiscate a charcoal gray blazer 2 weekends ago from a target store. whether it belonged to the store, i do not know nor do i care, because i look quite good in it, and it seems to enhance my colorful armoir of dark. dungy garments i have already made a collection of. no no, i speak not of something i have stolen, but of something i thought i could take, and now that i have, cant give back. there is a difference between the two, you see. the first (being the aforementioned blazer) was something i did or did not steal. either way it wasnt necessarily an honest act in nature, but condoned by avital, which nulifies the idea that the entire story was immoral.the second, hurts me much more, because i have hurt a human heart, not only a corporate franchise, which ill regret someday in saying it will never have a heart. it was an honest act, tainted and torn, tarnished. it began to quickly, without any planning, and ended even quicker, without taking into consideration the consequences. it truely was an honest act, turned vile.
before i continue with my babbling, i must admit that i feel quite inadequate. my writing in the engllish language has lost its lacquer, due to my nearly complete time writing in french, 4 hours every thursday, 9-5 monday through friday. this is my modest attempt to regain some american dignity.
anyway, back to my pain. i feel it. that is all.
i think ive done something i cant account for. not anything like stealing, although i did confiscate a charcoal gray blazer 2 weekends ago from a target store. whether it belonged to the store, i do not know nor do i care, because i look quite good in it, and it seems to enhance my colorful armoir of dark. dungy garments i have already made a collection of. no no, i speak not of something i have stolen, but of something i thought i could take, and now that i have, cant give back. there is a difference between the two, you see. the first (being the aforementioned blazer) was something i did or did not steal. either way it wasnt necessarily an honest act in nature, but condoned by avital, which nulifies the idea that the entire story was immoral.the second, hurts me much more, because i have hurt a human heart, not only a corporate franchise, which ill regret someday in saying it will never have a heart. it was an honest act, tainted and torn, tarnished. it began to quickly, without any planning, and ended even quicker, without taking into consideration the consequences. it truely was an honest act, turned vile.
before i continue with my babbling, i must admit that i feel quite inadequate. my writing in the engllish language has lost its lacquer, due to my nearly complete time writing in french, 4 hours every thursday, 9-5 monday through friday. this is my modest attempt to regain some american dignity.
anyway, back to my pain. i feel it. that is all.