Always with the thinking
I justed finished watching "American Beauty" while shining boots and ironing my uniform. (do not ask) Anyways, being that "American Beauty" is one of my favorite movies of course it stirs up much thought and emotion. But none of it explainable. How come that seems to be the pattern of my life. I so often reach a point to where nothing I can say really explain anything. All the things I bottle in or choose not to say to not be mean or rude or such. There is only so much I can express. Like there is some mystical limit that I was assigned and if by some amazing feat of human will I find some way to overcome my internal blocks and filter to release some of the pent up energy that is attached to a large problem or issue or question. It seems I discover something else to think about or that I look back and I again see the past and present in such different lights. I sti here typing in near silence only hearing the small sound of my computers fan. EAch breather I feel the life around me. The thoughts I think projected as pictures on my eyelids. I see quick glimpse of all ht people in my life. I get snapshot of various intersection. I remember strange moments in my life. I remember all the question I constantly ponder. What am I going to do next? Is this person alright? How will I resolve this? What I am really feeling about this? Is this a lie, to myself or others? Is there really truth? Is truth subjective? Why did I do that? Do I truly not regret that? Am I just choosing to be a good person or am I deigned to be a good person, it hat by nature or nuture? How did the universe come to be? What will human society be like on other planets? Will we destroy ourselves on earth, if so how, by war or by pollution? SO many question. I am always collecting data. Always building new theories or adding to old ones. So this must end as I must shave and go to work. Back to the details of life.