its like...
the rush. the bi-annual rush a student gets when the night-before paper is finally finished. when all the built up frustration and anxiety has fostered and calcified in the back of the brain and finally just explodes in a wave of b.s. that you think just barely cuts it but in 5 hours will be a high B+ paper. liberation straight to the face. orgasmic. or better.
rather fine dining followed. cookies and a peanut butter and strawberry jam sandwich, made for me by daniel adelman himself. i felt like a child again, eating my sandwich in the most messy way possible, with the o'kole slice on the bottom so all the jam squeezed out; in my oversized sweatshirt and bangs in my face, bouncing my legs up and down swinging them over the edge of the bed because my feet didnt reach the ground... it was wonderful. i cant believe how therapeutic it is. just breathing in and letting go of todays stresses, being over-anxious about things that you know are either a- are going to get better in the end, or b- beyond your control so just get over it. its like being 8 years old again.
its promising. its as though life has already been so much fun, you can only compare or associate a moment that proves to be a lower level of enjoyment to a happy time, thus making it less depressing. but as we get older we lose that perception.
we become bitter. responsibility has such a negative stigma that we let it eat away at us because we are annoyed by it, when in all actuality responsibility is a privelege. no one has any sense of self-responsibility, because it scares us, and we'd rather be held by the hand and shown what to do. but as soon as someone vocalizes that the one lending the helping hand is in a way controlling you (communism?) we go postal.
i think too much. its getting me into too much trouble. its only lately that i do this much thinking. just when i think i'm going to be able to take a break from mulling over an issue, something happens and it throws another jagged piece into the puzzle.
simply seeking the solution. this is only wasting time. labels are a waste. they are all in your head. they are a subliminal ranking system, and we always want to outrank each other so we all compete and aggravate ourselves. its all a competition, and as much as you hate competing, you're a part of it.
take your time. no rush. no, wait, why should i wait? have i gotten any indication that i ought to stick around a little longer? or should i just take this delay as a sign that the prospect is not good? i dont know. im so confused and i usually don't let myself get this way. i never wait around. i don't need to waste my time, in fact i am doing quite a disservice to myself if i do so. im keeping myself from fulfilling my original intention.
things will be fine. i have to tell myself that from time to time. there has never been a time in my past that hasn't worked out in the end. everything has been ultimate, and whatever ends remain loose in the present will only be solved in the future, replaced by new ones. its hopeful.
its like serendipity truly consumes us. we dont even realize it. things are going to happen no matter what, and you have to trust that it'll work out. we can try to fight it however we want; delaying things only adds tension. funny how this thought applies to both my romantic and academic lives. that paper will get done. that person will or will not come to you. things will be fine.
irony is a delay. funny- more application to academic and romantic lives.
you'll be blown away. i can't wait to see how my plans pan out.
rather fine dining followed. cookies and a peanut butter and strawberry jam sandwich, made for me by daniel adelman himself. i felt like a child again, eating my sandwich in the most messy way possible, with the o'kole slice on the bottom so all the jam squeezed out; in my oversized sweatshirt and bangs in my face, bouncing my legs up and down swinging them over the edge of the bed because my feet didnt reach the ground... it was wonderful. i cant believe how therapeutic it is. just breathing in and letting go of todays stresses, being over-anxious about things that you know are either a- are going to get better in the end, or b- beyond your control so just get over it. its like being 8 years old again.
its promising. its as though life has already been so much fun, you can only compare or associate a moment that proves to be a lower level of enjoyment to a happy time, thus making it less depressing. but as we get older we lose that perception.
we become bitter. responsibility has such a negative stigma that we let it eat away at us because we are annoyed by it, when in all actuality responsibility is a privelege. no one has any sense of self-responsibility, because it scares us, and we'd rather be held by the hand and shown what to do. but as soon as someone vocalizes that the one lending the helping hand is in a way controlling you (communism?) we go postal.
i think too much. its getting me into too much trouble. its only lately that i do this much thinking. just when i think i'm going to be able to take a break from mulling over an issue, something happens and it throws another jagged piece into the puzzle.
simply seeking the solution. this is only wasting time. labels are a waste. they are all in your head. they are a subliminal ranking system, and we always want to outrank each other so we all compete and aggravate ourselves. its all a competition, and as much as you hate competing, you're a part of it.
take your time. no rush. no, wait, why should i wait? have i gotten any indication that i ought to stick around a little longer? or should i just take this delay as a sign that the prospect is not good? i dont know. im so confused and i usually don't let myself get this way. i never wait around. i don't need to waste my time, in fact i am doing quite a disservice to myself if i do so. im keeping myself from fulfilling my original intention.
things will be fine. i have to tell myself that from time to time. there has never been a time in my past that hasn't worked out in the end. everything has been ultimate, and whatever ends remain loose in the present will only be solved in the future, replaced by new ones. its hopeful.
its like serendipity truly consumes us. we dont even realize it. things are going to happen no matter what, and you have to trust that it'll work out. we can try to fight it however we want; delaying things only adds tension. funny how this thought applies to both my romantic and academic lives. that paper will get done. that person will or will not come to you. things will be fine.
irony is a delay. funny- more application to academic and romantic lives.
you'll be blown away. i can't wait to see how my plans pan out.