Medical Grade
Here I am. Its 31st December 2007 about mid-day. In this year i have lost the sense of being a son to a father,a son to a mother, a brother for a sister and ultimately i have lost sense on how it can get worse in 12 hours. The mere thought of having to endure another year like that hurts like a pitchfork stabbed through my thighs while I'm seated.
In 12 hours i will loose one the strongest pillars that held me upright this year. I will loose Dhara in 12 hours and that is happening with such precision because it was discussed,premeditated,planned and expected to happen from the day we got together . My sentences are getting too long for my own liking but these sessions are rare and far in between.
As I type this, the incense that i lit this morning is going strong, with a gentle almost timed breeze that carresses the steady , agile, serpentine twirls of Frangipanni essence. It fills the air space next to the windowpane and lingers almost shy. I am left wondering "what the fuc" ? in my stoned intoxication trying to vibrate at the same frequency as Sigur Rós.
It spreads in time just like any vile impostor dancing and twirling away, into the dining area that was before the stage for many good talks with my room mates and barely extending it tips to the kitchen and hall. I woke at 4am today hoping to set her down as gently as possible.
I planned an entire day and now i am left wondering maybe thats my flaw. I have spent a good amount of time planning things for me and the things around me. I made breakfast and waited for her to wake but that small event, that should have happen with such ease compared to the many things that are in motion in the universe, all the space particles man come on?! She quivers out of sleep finally at an hour which was bearing witness to my cold toast and stagnant uninviting Nes'Lo panas
We were suppose to slice out a small section of our last day together visiting the temple to maybe say thanks for letting our paths cross for 12 good months but alas im still sitting here waiting.so i wait. and be as patient as possible anticipating the new year feeling utterly numb.
why she is not here yet would be a good question to ask but im just tired.
The incense has burnt out and the breeze decided to visit another needy soul.
To those of you who unfortunately stumbled upon this, Happy New Year and i sincerely wish you strength and good will for the next 12 months.
Things to look forward to in 2008 - 6 more months of school
- Graduation and ultimately migration.