"Playing Hardball with God" by Don Gerz
“And Jacob was left alone; and there wrestled a man with him until the breaking of the day. And when he saw that he prevailed not against him, he touched the hollow of his thigh; and the hollow of Jacob's thigh was out of joint, as he wrestled with him. And he said, Let me go, for the day breaketh. And he said, I will not let thee go, except thou bless me. And he said unto him, What is thy name? And he said, Jacob. And he said, Thy name shall be called no more Jacob, but Israel: for as a prince hast thou power with God and with men, and hast prevailed. And Jacob asked him, and said, Tell me, I pray thee, thy name. And he said, Wherefore is it that thou dost ask after my name? And he blessed him there. And Jacob called the name of the place Peniel: for I have seen God face to face, and my life is preserved.” - Genesis 32:24-30
Each day I take a 2-mile walk, and sometimes I actually come up with some good questions for pondering. Some of them are not too bad, like “Whatever happened to Pinky Lee?” (He died in 1993, but I don't know about Soupy Sales.)
Yesterday, while on this walk, I came up with the idea of asking God for grace to address my Internet addiction. I asked Him to help me devote more of my creative energy to my wife, children, and friends.
When I returned home from my exercise, my wife asked me to mow down some ground cover in the backyard along the base of the house. I did so. Not able to reach some of the remaining foliage near the house, I picked up my trusty weed-eater and finished the job. Unfortunately, a hidden phone cord (the one with DSL) became tangled up with the weed-eater, and I hacked it to pieces in an instant. No more phone on the first floor, and no more Internet and e-mail services on any floor. Had God answered my prayer? If so, He had done it in less than an hour…and through my own hands!
I was dumfounded at the utter efficiency and irony of how my prayer may have been so decisively and ruthlessly answered. I was also impressed. If God exists, He apparently does not mess around with a lot of fancy theological footwork when dealing with me! (Of course, it was merely an accident, a coincidence...I guess.)
However, that was not the end of the matter. Instead of meekly accepting God’s vicious grace, I felt my old competitive juices begin to revive as they burst through my dampened spirits. I went to the hardware store and bought five feet of phone cord, some connectors, and a roll of electrical tape. I laboriously spliced 16 wires together...and then it started to rain. War is Hell.
Sitting on a now damp towel, I finished the last splice when I felt electrical current surge through my right hand and up my arm. Damn! God certainly plays hardball! I loved it! I put on a rubber glove, hurriedly finished my fruitless sacrilege, and ran into the house before any “stray” lightning bolts could hit me. (I knew lightening was next...God’s favorite weapon.) When I tested my work, the phone was still dead…but the Internet was back on line! Ha! A Pyrrhic victory (even a marginal one) against God is more satisfying than the greatest victory against any mere mortal…at least to me.
I’m going sailing today, so I’m sure I will have an “accident.” If you don’t hear from me again, it was nice knowing you. In the meantime, just in case anyone is keeping track, I score the contest to be 3 to 1 in favor of God…of course.
I love a good match, even when I know I am fated to lose it. As my Dad used to say, “It’s not whether you win or lose…it’s how you play the game.”
Two days later, the DSL went out again, and I had to pay AT&T $110 to come out and do the job right. However, I did not "accidentally" drown at the lake, and the Internet is up and running again. Now it's 4 to 1, still God's favor...of course.
Who knows what I will pray for today? I certainly don’t. Maybe Soupy Sales does.
