(no subject)
Somehow, I've fooled people into believing that I'm brilliant.
Brilliance, to me, is something that can describe you only after you've done something extraordinary. Something creative, something people would look up to you for.
Though I lack the mind of a brilliant young woman, it's true that I am far from dumb. There are still many people that would disagree with that statement, mainly because I lack common sense and the ability to control myself.
I've also (not surprisingly) been labeled as selfing, annoying, immature, manipulative, and "Most Likely to Make the Same Mistake Six Times Before Finally Figuring it Out."
There are so many things about myself that I wish that I could alter or just get rid of. For example, I have never met anyone that takes people for granted as well as I do.
Ladies and gentlemen, that is NOT something to be proud of.
It is however the truth. Now that I've accepted that fact, I suppose I can fix it. Or at least attempt to.
Though it's still pretty hard to stop doing something that I've been doing all of my life. There are quite a few people that I have "behaved poorly" towards. And to my luck, they are the people that mean the most to me. They're the people that I think will always be there, even after I've taken all my anxiety out on them. But they aren't, and after they've seen that aspect of me, they have no problem leaving me for the person that makes them happy no matter what!
And how do I say I'm sorry and prove to them they should stay? My friends, I do that by lying.
Yes, I know. It only further proves how immature and selfish I am. Shut up.
I don't mean to be manipulative, but I can just now understand why I've become that way.
It's because I am ungrateful. I am a mean person, and, understandably so, no one wants to be around someone like that.
I make up for my shortcomings by lying to people, convincing them that I'm really not a bad person- just messed up. Because hell, if I could convince them, maybe I could convince myself. Maybe then I could even change.
It's hard to come to terms with the idea that you have to work ten times harder than everyone else just to be a nice person.
What people don't know, and could never see is that I am trying to get better. It's just a painfully slow process.
This process is called Trial and Error, and it is the most inconvenient method I've ever had the displeasure of using. But I'm just so good at it, it's become too hard to avoid. A lot of people would call this method "life," and you would actually be surprised by how many people are farmiliar with it. The thing taht separates me from normal people is that after things are fixed and back to normal, I totally forget everything I've just learned.
...and that's as far as I've gotten. More to come laterrr.
Brilliance, to me, is something that can describe you only after you've done something extraordinary. Something creative, something people would look up to you for.
Though I lack the mind of a brilliant young woman, it's true that I am far from dumb. There are still many people that would disagree with that statement, mainly because I lack common sense and the ability to control myself.
I've also (not surprisingly) been labeled as selfing, annoying, immature, manipulative, and "Most Likely to Make the Same Mistake Six Times Before Finally Figuring it Out."
There are so many things about myself that I wish that I could alter or just get rid of. For example, I have never met anyone that takes people for granted as well as I do.
Ladies and gentlemen, that is NOT something to be proud of.
It is however the truth. Now that I've accepted that fact, I suppose I can fix it. Or at least attempt to.
Though it's still pretty hard to stop doing something that I've been doing all of my life. There are quite a few people that I have "behaved poorly" towards. And to my luck, they are the people that mean the most to me. They're the people that I think will always be there, even after I've taken all my anxiety out on them. But they aren't, and after they've seen that aspect of me, they have no problem leaving me for the person that makes them happy no matter what!
And how do I say I'm sorry and prove to them they should stay? My friends, I do that by lying.
Yes, I know. It only further proves how immature and selfish I am. Shut up.
I don't mean to be manipulative, but I can just now understand why I've become that way.
It's because I am ungrateful. I am a mean person, and, understandably so, no one wants to be around someone like that.
I make up for my shortcomings by lying to people, convincing them that I'm really not a bad person- just messed up. Because hell, if I could convince them, maybe I could convince myself. Maybe then I could even change.
It's hard to come to terms with the idea that you have to work ten times harder than everyone else just to be a nice person.
What people don't know, and could never see is that I am trying to get better. It's just a painfully slow process.
This process is called Trial and Error, and it is the most inconvenient method I've ever had the displeasure of using. But I'm just so good at it, it's become too hard to avoid. A lot of people would call this method "life," and you would actually be surprised by how many people are farmiliar with it. The thing taht separates me from normal people is that after things are fixed and back to normal, I totally forget everything I've just learned.
...and that's as far as I've gotten. More to come laterrr.