(no subject)

[donatien]

There is a desperation inside me, because I cannot put my finger on what exactly hurts.  My only wish is to somehow be able to tear myself open and let all the light out.  I feel beams of light inside my chest that I try to decipher and decode so they will fit into words.  Forgive me.  I sometimes neglect everything.  I am sometimes so close to lifting my hands high in the air and stretching out my palms out to the sky.  Forgive me. 
I struggle to make this dullness stop.   I cannot help to feel that the earth is somehow cracking beneath my each step.  Don't tell me that I am free.  Don't tell me what I tell you.  Don't even ask me.  I try my best to be honest, but  I do not know anything.  This is madness - really - trust me, someone please listen to me.  
...I...try and bite
...I fight it
...I sleep at night - but I cannot remember last time I slept
remember....those days when...

we are all Born Again and Jesus Christ is the Son of God?

I...touch my face -
- I burnt the roof of my mouth today
...the food was much too hot
I...touch my face -
And I want to know how I can see
Why?
Why is this being done?
Why does my head hang there, blank
Hang there
I...touch my face
I touch my face

I believe
I believe
I always try
I strive - hanging
...
A scarf round my head - A black scarf
A jug of water
Limbs all around
And I see pieces of men
I see this day
...like every other
...like every
other
day

I...touch my face -
I know what it looks like
From inside
...penetrating through
the only drive I have ever claimed

Forgive me
I have already you
I have always you