(no subject)
.lain.
How can the Disappointment always and forever spread so that I don’t feel it anymore and sometimes forget that this is what it all ends up being like and it becomes difficult to believe what I believe because it is all lies and I only wish I knew where they came from because I hold on so tight and don’t hold on at all and at the same time I know all I know because because.
Darling there is no escape except the exceptions to all the rules that we have made up so that we can be free without having to be afraid.
Darling there is no love like the one that you feel exists without knowing that it does because it doesn’t come from the heart it comes from the necessity for an end.
When will the connections that hold us so far apart allow us to forget this apprehension and we will out loud admit to one another that guilt is the ultimate tool that guilt is the final currency that guilt is the only measure of our love for one another and that the nightmares I have when my eyes are open are as true as the ones I dream when asleep.
Darling my pain blinds me to the point that I cannot see the sensitive rotting parts of your face.
Darling the sadness I gave you at birth because you were my own.
And what of my twelve brothers and sisters who somewhere in my mind talk to me when I don’t know who to listen to as if I have always known that they were there all the time knowing that it could have been me it might have been me that it just as well should have been me and they stand invisible between your hand and my skin.
Darling what you fight in me you fight in yourself and I am the truest form of what you could become and what you already are and we should laugh at history and we should laugh at the perfection of this moment between us because you fret so sweetly and I spend so freely and you struggle for that which you have denounced because it is the only measure you have been taught.
Where do you lead me when I only yearn to follow out of a need to test your humanity because I measure myself against you and all your faults fit into this desire spot in behind my ribs that needs to feed on something true.
Darling the time for quiet is always and the time for questions is whenever you choose.
How can the Disappointment always and forever spread so that I don’t feel it anymore and sometimes forget that this is what it all ends up being like and it becomes difficult to believe what I believe because it is all lies and I only wish I knew where they came from because I hold on so tight and don’t hold on at all and at the same time I know all I know because because.
Darling there is no escape except the exceptions to all the rules that we have made up so that we can be free without having to be afraid.
Darling there is no love like the one that you feel exists without knowing that it does because it doesn’t come from the heart it comes from the necessity for an end.
When will the connections that hold us so far apart allow us to forget this apprehension and we will out loud admit to one another that guilt is the ultimate tool that guilt is the final currency that guilt is the only measure of our love for one another and that the nightmares I have when my eyes are open are as true as the ones I dream when asleep.
Darling my pain blinds me to the point that I cannot see the sensitive rotting parts of your face.
Darling the sadness I gave you at birth because you were my own.
And what of my twelve brothers and sisters who somewhere in my mind talk to me when I don’t know who to listen to as if I have always known that they were there all the time knowing that it could have been me it might have been me that it just as well should have been me and they stand invisible between your hand and my skin.
Darling what you fight in me you fight in yourself and I am the truest form of what you could become and what you already are and we should laugh at history and we should laugh at the perfection of this moment between us because you fret so sweetly and I spend so freely and you struggle for that which you have denounced because it is the only measure you have been taught.
Where do you lead me when I only yearn to follow out of a need to test your humanity because I measure myself against you and all your faults fit into this desire spot in behind my ribs that needs to feed on something true.
Darling the time for quiet is always and the time for questions is whenever you choose.