Alpha/Omega (RP with vote4nathan

[donanwoodswitch]

Her eyes stung as she stared up at the stars, just beginning to fill with clouds. She wanted to throw herself off of the roof, but she knew that did no good. Roland would find out and he would punish her for it. As it was, she needed to leave soon before he came to the Center to find her. In her heart, she knew eventually he would make her leave

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[vote4nathan]

Having barely settled into the location he was hiding at with Peter and Sasha, Nathan had been stunned at the note left to him by Cassandra. His chest had felt so tight and still felt tight. After informing Peter and Sasha that he would be right back without waiting for an answer he propelled himself off of the closest balcony.

Minutes later he landed on the roof of the Phoenix Center flawlessly and almost without sound. "Cass." He said, stepping forward just two steps. He now felt a sense of trepidation, being denied and cast aside by someone else. Only this wasn't just anyone. This was Cassandra.

[donanwoodswitch]

Her eyes closed and she clenched her jaw. He should have sent Peter or someone else for Van. This was dangerous and only going to make things much worse for both of them. She didn't turn to look at him when she coldly told him, "Van is in the office. I'll get him,"

She took a deep breath and turned, willing herself to start walking past him without looking up. Hopefully, he couldn't see the tracks her tears had left. More than that, she hoped he wouldn't make this any harder.

[vote4nathan]

"Wait wait wait..." Quickly, his hands landed on her shoulders. He dipped his head just slightly to try to catch her gaze which she didn't give him. "What's going on here, Cass?"

An index finger slid down her jawline to her chin to place just the slightest pressure to tilt her head up. "Come on, talk to me. We can talk it out... whatever it is."

[donanwoodswitch]

Her eyes met him with as much venom as she could muster, though she wasn't sure it was nearly enough. "There is nothing to talk out, Nathan. I'm tired. I can't keep doing this. Losing you. Because the next time it happens, I'm going to expect you to be fine. And if you aren't, I don't know what I will do. It hurts, damn it all!" She took a breath and refused to break the gare, no matter how much she wanted to look away. He wouldn't even believe her if she didn't look him in the eye, "You hurt me! I never should have let you get as close as I did, and now I'm suffering for making such a stupid choice," She ripped herself away from him, "You shouldn't even be here,"

[vote4nathan]

Nathan's jaw dropped just barely as he stared at her in silence for a moment. "I was shot, Cass... twice. I don't know how to defend that."

He thought about taking a step closer but he had never, ever seen Cassandra look at him like that before. "You know I would never hurt you if I could help it. Look, I'm okay. We're okay." He spread his arms out and then dropped them back to his sides. "It was... kind of a miracle. I wanted to tell you about it."

[donanwoodswitch]

"Why can't you understand that I just don't care anymore?! I can't. You..." Her eyes filled with tears and she turned away. She DID care. Cared so much and wanted to hear all of it. But she couldn't. She tried to force words out. Nothing came. She had to think of something. Something that would drive him away for good.

[vote4nathan]

He felt that blow hard and fast and did everything he could not to physically recoil from it. "You just stopped caring?" The words were a little shaky. This was Cassandra. She was one of two people he trusted without question and this coming from her, no he couldn't understand it.

"I what?" He asked, wanting her to feel free to complete whatever she had been about to say. But then he added in a whisper, not as sure as he normally would have said the words, but she was breaking the solid ground beneath them and he felt a little unsteady. "I love you. You love me too, remember?"

[donanwoodswitch]

"I can't do this, Nathan. I can't. I love you TOO much. Losing you, when your luck eventually runs out... I can't deal with it. Caring about you... it costs too much. She turned around to face him, "I'm letting go of you on MY terms. I won't be abandoned this way, when you ARE gone. Please..." The words had meaning, because she meant a great deal of them. She did love him far more than she probably should. She was afraid of the day when he didn't come back from the brink of death. But it still felt like lying to him and that was something she swore she would never do.

She turned to him and all the words of venom died on her lips. She could see the hurt there; the pain she had caused. She could physically feel her heart breaking. She closed the gap between them and touched his cheek, her palm cool against his skin. She could see it in her head. She could see herself slapping him across the face and telling her to leave him be, but she couldn't make her body actually perform the actions. She knew it needed to be done, but...

[vote4nathan]

Nathan's eyes filled with tears that he stubbornly held back. He was a professional at the art of either crying silently or not crying at all. And right now he was too stunned to let any tears fall. "You can't make this decision without me." The words were tight, controlled.

He leaned into the touch at his cheek. "Cass... I need you. I need you to choose to be with me. Choose to be mine. No one chooses me... I need..." His eyes narrowed. "Why are you doing this? Is someone making you do this? The Company? Are they here?"

[donanwoodswitch]

His words simply destroyed her. Her eyes fell and she wasn't sure if she could do this to him. "No, Nathan. I'm doing this. I am. I..." If she told him the truth, he would never leave. He would want to protect her and throw himself head first into the face of danger... and he would lose. And then she would have lost him for good.

"Every time you say those things to me, I know you mean them. And you know how I feel about you. You know I want to be with you. I want to choose you. But I'm selfish, Nathan. And when things get too hard, I run. You know this. You've always known this,"

She's pleading with him, but all she wants to do is hold on to him and never let go. The opposite of what she is trying to do. She wasn't used to being in such stark opposition with herself.

[vote4nathan]

"You're not selfish... you're not." Nathan cupped both hands against Cassandra's cheeks. He dipped his head to kiss the corner of her lips. "You're my closest friend... and so much more. I need you. Please don't do this. Don't... whatever it is... I'll fix it. I'll fix anything that's wrong. Just tell me what it is. Give me something to work with... anything."

He just couldn't wrap his ming around a world where Cassandra didn't want him... chose something over him along with everyone else. It made no sense to him. "Pick me. I'll make it better... whatever I'm doing wrong."

[donanwoodswitch]

She had to swallow to keep from screaming. Her eyes slid shut and tears poured down her face silently as he spoke. "You didn't do anything, Nathan. I..." She couldn't do this.

"He will kill you. He'll kill you and everyone that matters to you. He tried to warn me. Showed me that you could be gotten rid of at any time, and I didn't listen. Why didn't I listen?" She fell into him, buring her face in his shoulder, the sickening feeling that she had just condemned him to death washing over her, "You have to leave me be, Nathan. If he knew... I can't risk losing you to him. Roland won't stop, if he knows I haven't truly given myself to him completely. He will destroy everyone and everything I love," Her fists were buried in his shirt and she let out a shaky breath.

[vote4nathan]

Nathan's jaw tightened and he went so still. Roland. "I want to kill him. Tell me how."

[donanwoodswitch]

She could feel him go stiff, and she shook her head, both hands on either side of his head, making him look at her; making him understand.

"No. You can't. It's physically possible, but you cannot interfere. It's... complicated. Please, you have to swear to me that you will not try and kill him. An Immortal MUST kill him," It was one of their many unwritten rules. Mortals killing Immortals was forbidden. It was something none of them dared to go against, much like Holy Ground. She remembered hearing about Horton and the Watchers assassinating Immortals and she wouldn't have Nathan be at risk from those who would be angered by it.

"Nathan. Please tell me you understand,"

[vote4nathan]

"I've cheated death a few times, who's to say I'm not immortal?" Nathan answered, irritated that he was useless in this. He had been useless for so long... assumed so by those he loved.

"Cassandra, don't go back to him. Come with me." He added an alternative, skipping over the promise not to act. "We'll go back to where I'm hiding for now. No one will know. Come be with me... choose me. Do you want to be with me? Be mine? You still love me... you said."

[donanwoodswitch]

"I would know," She told him, pulling back and giving him an admonishing look, though it was still laced with fear.

"Nathan, I have to go back! If not, he will start hunting you and everyone I love. He won't rest until he's taken everything. I..." She took a breath, shivering.

"I still love you. More than anything. And I want to be with you. Be yours for as long as you'll have me. I just... I'm afraid,"