(no subject)
I dunno...I think I'm sick or something. I want a relationship so bad, but Josh asked me out the other day and I said no. The same thing happened with Chad. We went out, but I didn't feel a connection with him, so I ignored him. I feel bad about it, but he just wasn't for me. I need someone stronger than me that will just hold me and make me feel right. I'm sick of having to be the strong one, for once I want to be held. And recently, I've been breaking down over the smallest things...I think it's unhealthy. Like yesterday I started crying because I had some memory of Tampa, and I know you're all sick of hearing about it, but I miss them so much. I start crying after fights with my parents or if a sad song comes on the radio. I scare myself sometimes, and I think I'm going to talk to someone about it. I really need someone to talk to, like a boyfriend or psychiatrist. Guys, I'm really scared. I shouldn't be crying over things like this. I know inside me that highschool isn't about love...it's about making out hardcore and shit like that, but I can't help but wonder why I can't just connect with another guy. I feel so empty inside all the time now. I wish life would just be normal for once...I'm so sick of putting up with all this gay shit, and I feel like such a drama queen complaining all the time, but I can't stop. I've tried, I really have, but it just comes out anyways. I don't know what to do anymore. I'm scared and alone. I need someone...I think I'm going to talk to someone about this...