10 Excuses Not to Go to Work That They Will Accept
As a lot of Nashillians slip and slide all over the place due to a piddly 1/4th inch of snow on the ground, many people may feel that going into work might be hazardous. It's amazing how many bosses don't share this view. In the interest of helping the downtrodden working class, here are a few excuses the Boss will always accept:
- "I can't come in. I have the doctor coming over to the house to take care of my pustules -- he says they're serious enough that I can't risk contact with other people."
- "No, seriously, the sucker just exploded. We're still cleaning the blood off the walls. I swear, that is the _last_ time I try that with a guinea pig."
- "My Crone's Disease is flaring up again. Food comes out looking like it just went in. And the smell! Whew!"
- "I'm coming in now. Um... Can you tell the project team to keep a bucket and some kitty litter handy? I had the salmon mousse last night."
- "Luckily, the doctor says it's okay to work with a Syphillitic fever."
- "I'm more than glad to work. I'll be in just after the guy from the CDC leaves... Hey, do you guys wear those suits all the time? What, only in rooms full of nerve gas normally?"
- "I'm sorry, you'll have to speak up. The radioactive contamination is causing my cordless phone to drop in and out."
- "Do you mind if I bring my grandmother into the CEO meeting today? I hate to leave her alone, what with her colostomy bag needing periodic emptying."
- "Do you think anyone will notice the itching? No? Well, what about the skin sloughing off? Is that obvious? I'm sure no one would mind."
- "Let me tell you, that's the _last_ time I let a cheap hooker tie me up. Next time, I'll spend the extra 20 bucks so she doesn't use phone cord. By the way, you don't happen to know a good proctologist, do you? One that specializes in broken glass?"