National pirate day
In honor of National Talk Like a Pirate Day, here is some pirate humor for me matey's.
Long ago, when sailing ships ruled the waves, a captain and his crew were in danger of being boarded by a pirate ship. As the crew became frantic, the captain bellowed to his First Mate, "Bring me my red shirt!". The First Mate quickly retrieved the captain's red shirt, which the captain put on and lead the crew to battle the pirate boarding party. Although some casualties occurred among the crew, the pirates were repelled.
Later that day, the lookout screamed that there were two pirate vessels sending boarding parties. The crew cowered in fear, but the captain calm as ever bellowed, "Bring me my red shirt!". The battle was on, and once again the Captain and his crew repelled both boarding parties, although this time more casualties occurred.
Weary from the battles, the men sat around on deck that night recounting the day's occurrences when an ensign looked to the Captain and asked, "Sir, why did you call for your red shirt before the battle?". The Captain, giving the ensign a look that only a captain can give, exhorted, "If I am wounded in battle, the red shirt does not show the wound and thus, you men will continue to fight unafraid". The men sat in silence marveling at the courage of such a man.
As dawn came the next morning, the lookout screamed that there were pirate ships, 10 of them, all with boarding parties on their way. The men became silent and looked to their Captain for his usual command. The Captain, calm as ever, bellowed, "Bring me my brown pants!!
A pirate is standing in the paper goods aisle of his local grocery store. He's been standing there looking for 30 minutes when the manager comes up and asks, "You have been here for quite awhile sir. Can I help you find something?"
The Pirate turns and says "No matey, I just can't decide between the Bounty or the CHARRRRRRRRmin!"
So this pirate walks into a bar and sits next to a drunken wench.
The wench looks him over and says, "Nice pirate outfit. Where'd you get your earrings?"
The pirate says, "Arr, I bought one from the dollar store on the other side of town and I got the other from the dollar store across the street."
So the wench exclaims, "Wow! Not bad for a buck-an-ear!"
I hope you enjoy them!!!
Jenn