(no subject)
I decided to post this here, well, honestly because I rarely post here and not too many people even know I have an lj... so I can kinda throw this out there... in cyberspace and get it outta my head without worrying about too many people seeing it. well, at least that is what I tell myself.
So anyway, here's what's going on with me lately...
okay, so I'm kind of experiencing a lot of loss right now... on a number of different fronts. those of you who have been with me through some of it in the last few months know... first grandpa goes, then father-in-law, then mom's brother, then I lose a major part of my income when one of our manufacturers close their doors, then a friend's bf decides to off himself, then, in a blindingly fast series of events (all this past week) I find out that dad had a stroke... and heart surgery... no, dad didnt have a stroke this week. it happened back in JULY! and no one in my family bothers to tell me, so I am feeling like I have no family right now, or at least that they dont think I am important enough to tell? I dunno.
now I am going back to NY again this week for grandma's funeral. oh, and of course my baby brother being in Iraq through all of this doesnt help my frame of mind at all... oh yeah, and btw, did I mention the death of my primary relationship? no? yeah, well, let's throw that into the mix, you know, for the fun of it. since it just happened 2 days ago...
but believe it or not, I thought I was handling it all. well, until tonight. tonight I was shaken to the core and totally lost it because I discovered that the one thing I thought I could count on, the one thing in my crazy life that I thought was solid through everything...well, yeah, that might be in jeopardy too. okay, that broke this camel's back.
I'm kind of numb right now. and saying strange things. LOL I responded to an email a friend sent and in the response, out of the blue, I said:
"the speed of life right now has been a supersonic blur of streams of color with amazingly painful periods of slow motion thrown into this director's cut for what? aesthetic effects? not sure."
okay, so it's official. I am totally weird! Where the heck did THAT strange statement come from. and... I wanna know... who the hell is the damn director?? I've got a thing or two to discuss with whomever might be running this sideshow!
So anyway, here's what's going on with me lately...
okay, so I'm kind of experiencing a lot of loss right now... on a number of different fronts. those of you who have been with me through some of it in the last few months know... first grandpa goes, then father-in-law, then mom's brother, then I lose a major part of my income when one of our manufacturers close their doors, then a friend's bf decides to off himself, then, in a blindingly fast series of events (all this past week) I find out that dad had a stroke... and heart surgery... no, dad didnt have a stroke this week. it happened back in JULY! and no one in my family bothers to tell me, so I am feeling like I have no family right now, or at least that they dont think I am important enough to tell? I dunno.
now I am going back to NY again this week for grandma's funeral. oh, and of course my baby brother being in Iraq through all of this doesnt help my frame of mind at all... oh yeah, and btw, did I mention the death of my primary relationship? no? yeah, well, let's throw that into the mix, you know, for the fun of it. since it just happened 2 days ago...
but believe it or not, I thought I was handling it all. well, until tonight. tonight I was shaken to the core and totally lost it because I discovered that the one thing I thought I could count on, the one thing in my crazy life that I thought was solid through everything...well, yeah, that might be in jeopardy too. okay, that broke this camel's back.
I'm kind of numb right now. and saying strange things. LOL I responded to an email a friend sent and in the response, out of the blue, I said:
"the speed of life right now has been a supersonic blur of streams of color with amazingly painful periods of slow motion thrown into this director's cut for what? aesthetic effects? not sure."
okay, so it's official. I am totally weird! Where the heck did THAT strange statement come from. and... I wanna know... who the hell is the damn director?? I've got a thing or two to discuss with whomever might be running this sideshow!