World Trip 39/39
Title: World Trip 39/39
Author/Email: Salogel (salogel42@hotmail.com)
Pairing: Dom/Elijah
Rating: 15
Summary: Back in LA.
WARNING: some angst
Feedback: Yes please
Archive:Hobbit Haven
Disclaimer: None of this happened or will ever happen. It is all made up in my overactive mind.
Note: Any flashbacks are written as they happened, and not necessarily as a point of view.
Previous chapters can be found here.
Thank Yous to: to Jesslotr for my wonderful icon! And Ru for being a fantastic beta!
World Trip
Chapter 39 - Home
Dominic walked slowly through the quiet rooms of the apartment. Being on his own was something he could never get used to. He opened the bedroom door and stared at the bed before moving inside to straighten the quilt cover. Then he looked out the window to the world beyond.
It was the last day of the year.
He never thought the year would end like this, how could he? He had spent nine months out of the last twelve with Elijah constantly by his side, and those memories, those very precious memories of being with Elijah had helped him get through these long, difficult past few weeks.
Sleeping alone was the worst. The days were ok… …he was kept busy… but the nights… the nights were too long. Coming in through that front door every evening to nothing but emptiness was gut wrenching, and wrong, and it wasn’t right that Elijah wasn’t here, with his music blaring so loudly you couldn’t hear yourself think.
Elijah…
Dominic closed the bedroom door behind him and walked into the study. He could vividly remember Elijah sitting at this desk surrounded by atlases, and asking him where it was he wanted to go… where did he want to start their world trip?
Was that really over a year ago?
Dominic sat down on the swivel chair… Elijah had planned it all from this room… the countries, the hotels, the flights, the excursions… everything. But neither of them could have envisaged how their journey was going to end. How could they possibly have known?
Dominic reached out for one of the numerous packets of photographs sprawled on the desk in front of him. Once he had returned home he had them all processed… all the memory cards… there were hundreds of images, and looking at them over and over again had helped him while away the lonely hours of the night.
He selected one of the glossy pictures and held it up and looked at it… they were dressed up like Eskimos. He chuckled to himself remembering that night in the ice igloo… then he placed the photograph down on the table and picked up another one. These photographs had been taken just a few days into their holiday.
“This time last year.” Dominic’s voice sounded loud in the silence of the room.
He looked at the photo of the glass igloo, and ran his fingers over Elijah’s smiling face. New Year’s Eve, last year. Making love to Elijah, underneath billions of stars… a wall of glass the only thing separating their naked bodies from the freezing temperatures of the Arctic.
“That was a year ago, Lij…”
Dominic stared a little longer at the photograph, and then glanced at his watch. In twelve hours time 2005 would be over, and a new year would begin. He closed his eyes at this thought. A New Year… a new start… a new beginning?
Dominic opened Elijah’s journal. He had written in it every single night since he had returned home, and this would be his last entry. It was the end of the year, and therefore the end of the journal. Closure really was needed.
**
31 December 2005
How do you pick up the pieces of a past life? How do you adjust to an unknown future?
**
Dominic chewed the top of his pen, deep in thought, before placing it down on the table. He opened a crumpled envelope that he had been carrying everywhere with him since his return. He pulled out two pieces of paper; one of them was much larger than the other. It was the drawing of Elijah. The sketch Hanne had made of him during their stay in Denmark. It was badly creased due to its travels in Elijah’s suitcase half way around the world. The postmark on the envelope was dated 15 August 2005. For some unknown reason Elijah had decided to post it home once they had arrived in Sydney.
Dominic studied the sketch… it was beautiful, of course it was beautiful… Elijah had never been anything but beautiful. And perfect… he had always been so perfect…
Dominic looked at the words he had just written in the journal. Christ… they look so fucking final.
“Well they are…” his voice was a whisper.
He looked again at Elijah’s drawing. His eyes ran over the perfect profile. He knew every pore on Elijah’s face… Hanne had captured him well… so well… so painfully well.
Then Dominic picked up the other piece of paper that Elijah had posted with the drawing on that very same day. It was a short letter… one that he had written while they were on their tour in South Africa. Probably while he was resting, after injuring his ankle again.
It was the letter he had said he was going to write about why he had wanted to give Dominic his gift in New Zealand. And in that letter he had poured out his heart, just as he had at the ceremony… it was from a very private Elijah, who had bared his soul.
Dominic’s fingers went to the pendant around his neck as he read Elijah’s words. He had not taken the necklace off since Elijah had shakily placed it over his head, almost three months ago.
Then he looked at the journal again. What more could he write? He flicked back through the pages, looking at entry upon entry all written in Elijah’s hand. Everything was chronicled there, the past year of Elijah’s life… well… up until a month before New Zealand.
Dominic leant back in the chair and put his hands behind his head. Everything on the desk in front of him was a record of their world trip. Elijah’s words, and his photographs.
He looked at his watch again. Eleven hours to go. He really couldn’t face being alone tonight… not this night. Not any night. He picked up another packet of photographs and emptied the contents onto the table.
He smiled as he selected the photograph that Mal had taken of him kissing Elijah on Mossel Bay. It was a fantastic picture. A close up… both of them had their eyes closed as they kissed. Mal had caught them perfectly.
“Perfectly…” Dominic stood up and carried the photograph with him into the living room. When he entered the room he looked around… then he placed the photograph next to some of the others that he’d had blown up earlier. Photographs of Elijah were everywhere.
He looked at his watch. “Christ… stop it!” he mumbled to himself. “If it happens it happens.”
He flopped down on the sofa, and picked up the television remote control, not really interested in what was on, but time was dragging by, so slowly.
Then the phone rang, and Dominic flew across the room to answer it.
“Debs?”
“Hi, Dom…”
“Are you coming?” Dominic held his breath waiting for the answer, silently praying as he did so.
A pause… some muffled sounds… and then Debbie’s voice came back loud and clear.
“Yes… we’ll be there in two hours.”
More muffled sounds.
“Umm... make that three hours, Dom.”
Dominic face broke out into the widest grin… and his heart was hammering. “That’s great!” he replied.
“See you later…”
Then Debbie hung up.
Oh… fuck! Fuck… fuck… fuck! Dominic danced on the spot still grinning insanely to himself.
“Three hours… three fucking hours… what can I do? Call Billy! Nope, you twat… it’s evening in Scotland… he’ll be out celebrating. Shit… gonna call him anyway.”
Dominic dialled Billy’s mobile number and waited. It was answered on the third ring.
“Hey… Dom… you bugger… how’s Elijah doing?”
Dominic could hear a lot of noise in the background… New Year celebrations were well on their way in Billy’s homestead, and as he’d only returned from Argentina a few days ago, Dominic knew it was going to be a double celebration. Christ, it had been so good to hear his friend’s voice again.
“He’s coming home, Bills. This afternoon. He’s finally coming home.”
“That’s fantastic, Dom. Listen… can’t talk right now. I have to go. Call me, right? Any time! Oh… and Happy New Year!”
“Happy New Year to you, too Bills. And thanks… thanks for being on the end of the phone for me these past few days…”
“You daft bugger… no problem!”
“I mean it…”
“Dom… if you get all soppy with me now, I’ll have to fly over and impinge on your re-union with Elijah.”
Dominic laughed. “Love you, Bills,” he said. “You take care!”
“Bye, mate!”
Then the phones fell silent.
Dominic looked at his watch. Now he would be fucking clock watching, and every minute would feel like an hour.
God, he had been waiting for this moment… he had been praying for this moment. Elijah had said to him before he was admitted to hospital two weeks ago on landing in LA… “I’ll be home, Dom… for New Year. I promise you.”
And he’d done it! He was coming home… and Dominic was on the verge of crying with the joy of it all.
*
Twelve weeks ago, the outlook had been bleak. Dominic could not have foreseen this outcome. Not ever.
As they drove away from the ceremony in New Zealand, Elijah’s life had been hanging by a thread... the thinnest of threads, and his chances of survival were low, practically none existent. But where there was life… there was hope. There was always hope. And that was all Dominic had to cling on to. Hope. That word again… that special word, which now held more meaning to him than ever before.
Elijah had spent four weeks in intensive care, on a ventilator in a drug induced coma. And Dominic had been able to stay with him this time, and he barely left his side. When Debbie finally arrived they took it in turns, so at least he could get away for a break if he wanted to. But they were few and far between. His place was always beside Elijah, not away from him.
Elijah was sick, gravely sick, and the doctors fought to save his life. Dominic couldn’t believe that the young man lying on the bed beside him, hooked up to every machine possible would ever pull through this. Not this time. His body was weak, and frail and it broke Dominic’s heart to see the large thick tubes inserted into his chest. There were tubes everywhere… he fucking hated the sight of them, invading his lover’s body like that… but they were keeping Elijah alive, and that was all that mattered.
Lynne and Danae stayed on, and they were a big comfort, but Sala had to return to LA. On his departure Sala gave Dominic the keys to his house.
“It’s yours mate, for as long as you need it… and… and… you know… let me know… what happens. Ok… Dom?”
Dominic had nodded, and then they hugged for a long time. “He’s strong, Dom.” Sala had whispered before they broke apart.
“I know…” Dominic’s voice was thick. “I know…” But was Elijah strong enough?
It was three long weeks before there was any change in Elijah’s condition. He finally responded to the treatment, and x-rays of his chest confirmed this. Within another week he was gradually weaned off the ventilator, and moved out of intensive care, and Dominic knew that this was a momentous step for him. But he still had a long way to go, but it was so good to see him conscious again… and smiling… God how he had missed that smile.
A fortnight later Elijah was able to speak again, his vocal cords having recovered from the bruising they had endured from the ventilator, and his breathing was gradually improving, although he was still on oxygen, albeit supplementary.
The following week, Danae came to say her goodbyes. Dominic no longer needed her… Elijah was going to make it… and she knew his future with Elijah was assured. Dominic had been able to do what she had not… make that sacrifice… and in a way he had been rewarded for it. He had been given a second chance, and Danae knew that Dominic would come out of this a changed person. He would probably be even more protective of Elijah than ever before, and she smiled to herself at that thought. But his own needs would no longer take top priority… she could guarantee that.
“I’ll miss you…” Dominic looked forlorn as he stood opposite Danae outside Elijah’s room. She had just finished saying her goodbyes to Elijah. “I really wish you could stay, Danae. Do you have to leave?”
Danae smiled and took Dominic’s hands into her own. “You have become very important to me Dominic, and I will miss you, too. But now this is your time. You have your man back… and you have your future ahead of you. You have come through this… and…” Danae suddenly felt tears fill her eyes. “And… and… Dominic… I am so proud of you…”
“Oh, Danae…” Dominic pulled her into his embrace and hugged her tightly. “I could never have done any of this without you. You were there, when I had no one, and I’ll never be able to thank you enough for that… not ever.”
Danae pulled back, and wiped her eyes. “You must keep me informed, Dominic… on Elijah’s progress. Use that phone! Use the internet!”
Dominic looked at her rather sheepishly. “Yeah, I will. Don’t you worry.”
“Elijah will need a lot of care and attention… and if it becomes too much. I am only a phone call away.”
“Yes, I know… and thank you.” Dominic could not ever envisage Elijah becoming ‘too much.’
“Take care, Dominic.” And then Danae picked up her suitcase and disappeared down the corridor and through the double doors.
Dominic waited until the doors stopped swinging before returning to Elijah… ‘his man’.
Elijah had remained in Wellington hospital for another three weeks before he was deemed fit enough to fly back to America. He was getting along without the oxygen now, although he tired very easily, and he had yet to take a single step.
“You can stay at your Mum’s while we get the apartment sorted…” Dominic’s mind whirled as he tried to figure out what adjustments were necessary for wheelchair access.
“No, Dom…”
“But, Lij…”
“I’m arranging to go into hospital when we get home…”
“Hospital? But, Lij… I can look after you…”
“No, Dom. Not you, and not my Mom. You’ve been through enough, already. The only way I’m returning to our apartment is by walking in through the front door.”
“But… Lij…” Dominic protested.
“I’m going into a private hospital Dom… they’ll help me get back on my feet… they’ll help me walk again.”
“Lijah… that’s going to take time, baby. I want you home… with me… I’ve missed you so much. You know I can take care of you.”
Elijah’s determination softened. “I know, Dom… and I can’t wait to be with you again… but I want to do this for me. I hate being in this chair… I want to be able to stand up… I want to be able to hold your hand and lead you into our bedroom; I want to be able to stand opposite you to kiss you… I just want to be me again… that’s all. Can you understand that?”
“Oh… Lijah. You are you… and I fucking love you… and I just want you in my arms, baby… at night… I can take you to the hospital for appointments… I can…” Dominic stopped in his tracks. Fuck… he was sounding like the old Dom.
He looked at Elijah who was staring intently at him… this young man who had been to hell and back, and had come through it in one piece. Elijah’s character had always been one full of determination. He had proved that many times during the past, and the ordeal he had just been through had changed none of it, and in a way that made Dominic’s heart soar.
This was his Elijah sitting in the wheelchair in front of him, as strong as before, as mentally determined as before, and Dominic knew nothing would stand in his way. If Elijah wanted to walk again… he knew he would do it. His strength was returning daily, and enough so that he could tackle the momentous feat of standing and walking again.
The last time Elijah had walked anywhere was along the beach in Townsville, and that had been at the beginning of September, over three months ago. Now he was suffering from muscle wastage, and extreme weakness due to lack of movement and usage. And the final effects of the box jellyfish sting were still as yet unknown… it wasn’t until Elijah was walking again, that any lasting damage from the sting could be determined.
Elijah still had a very long road ahead of him.
“I know you’re not happy with my decision, Dom. I know you thought that once we returned to LA, we would be together again. And I want that… I miss that. Day after day I have lain in that hospital bed, thinking of nothing else. I just want this to be over… I just want to get better… and I will… I’ll be home, Dom… for New Year. I promise you.”
Dominic nodded… he understood. But it was going to be so hard returning to their apartment without Elijah.
“You can visit me every day. I’m ordering you too!”
Dominic laughed. “I love you, Lij. Don’t you ever change, will you?”
Elijah grinned at him. “Now wheel me outside… somewhere private… so we can have a snog.”
Dominic laughed again. Everything was going to be ok. It was all going to work out.
*
Clock watching, window watching… boy, did time drag when you wanted it to fly!
What was that saying? Dominic thought for a moment.
Some days will stay a thousand years, some pass like the flash of a spark... who knows where all our days go?
Well it seemed like a thousand days since Debbie’s phone call. Dominic looked at his watch and then checked for the millionth time the welcome home banner he had made for the front door. It was still there… of course it was still there…
Jeez…Monaghan… get a grip! Anyone would think this was your first date!
Dominic returned to the living room and stood admiring his work. Balloons… flowers… more welcome home banners… he was like a fucking big kid!
Yeah… but Lij… is coming home!
Checks watch…. half an hour… God, he couldn’t wait. He was going to have Elijah all to himself again… no one else around. No doctors, no nurses, no visitors… just him and Lijah. No one else at all!
It was going to be strange… almost surreal… like starting over. Things had changed… you don’t go through what Elijah had been through and not change, that was a certainty. And he knew that he himself had changed… those weeks of sitting by Elijah’s bedside willing him to pull through… he had remained calm… positive… he had kept a grip on his feelings… refusing to break down… although there had been moments when he thought all was lost, and the black hole beckoned.
But he had received continuous support… from Danae, from Debbie and from Lynne before she flew back to Townsville… and Elijah… Elijah’s determination to not let go… to hold on… and to pull back from the brink had made Dominic’s love for him stronger than ever. There was no way he was going to let Elijah down by falling into that abyss of misery and self-pity that had dogged his life so unnecessarily, and for so long.
When Elijah finally regained consciousness he had been confused and upset… and Dominic had wondered just how much of his ceremony he could remember. Then a few days later when they had some precious time to themselves, Elijah had reached out to touch Dominic’s pendant.
“I gave it to you” he whispered… his eyes filling with tears… and Dominic had wanted to take him in his arms right then, but was unable to do so because of all the wires and tubes.
“You did, baby…” he said. “And it’s beautiful…” Dominic put his hand in his pocket. “And I have yours here.” He pulled out Elijah’s pendant. “They took it off you… when you… when you…”
Elijah looked at him… he had no recollection of anything after placing Dominic’s necklace around his neck. “I… I don’t remember…” he whispered.
“I know…” Dominic stood up and helped Elijah lean forward a little and then slipped the pounamu twist over his head. “There…” he said. “Now it’s where it belongs.”
Elijah smiled at him. “For eternity…” he whispered.
Dominic heard a car pull up outside and he rushed to the window to look out. It was Debbie’s mini. He watched for a while as Debbie helped Elijah out of the car. Then he saw Elijah look up at him and smile.
“Fuck… you’re home!” Christ… I love you, Lij… Dominic ran to the front door, and leapt down the small external flight of stairs in one bound. He emerged into the warm sunshine as Elijah made his way along the path.
He was on two crutches, and was extremely wobbly… but he was walking. Two weeks of gruelling physiotherapy, made more difficult by his reduced lung capacity, had seen him get onto his feet and take those first few steps back to a normal life.
Because normal it could be. His doctor was convinced that in time Elijah could make a full recovery… with plenty of rest… moderate exercise and clean air. And with the help and support of his family and friends there was no reason why Elijah couldn’t return to being the fit young man he was before all this happened. And Dominic knew he would be there for Elijah every step of the way. It was going to be a shaky unknown future for a while. But they would make it.
Debbie walked slowly behind Elijah, carrying his luggage. Dominic grinned as Elijah approached him… he was concentrating so hard on his walking, and Dominic felt a rush of love for him so great he was surprised the whole world couldn’t feel it.
The light breeze ruffled Elijah’s hair… it had grown so long that even Elijah had grown fed up with it, but Dominic loved it. He loved the way his fingers could run through the long thick locks… he seriously hoped he could talk Elijah out of getting it cut.
“Hi…” Elijah grinned at Dominic as he came face to face with him. His face was shining from the exertion of walking the short distance from the car.
“Hi… to you, too!” Dominic gave Elijah a quick kiss on the cheek. “And welcome home, Lij!”
“It’s great to be home…” Elijah looked over his shoulder at his smiling mother… then he looked towards the steps he had to climb.
“Want some help?” Dominic asked as he slipped past Elijah.
“No… no thank you…”
Dominic stepped back and raised his eyebrows at Debbie. They both watched Elijah walk awkwardly up the stairs… Dominic’s body was coiled ready to spring into action if Elijah slipped, but he didn’t. When he reached the top… he looked down at them.
“See… piece of cake…!” he grinned.
Dominic laughed and then took the bag off Debbie. “You coming in?” he asked.
“No… no… you go ahead. I’ll call in a couple of days.”
“Great… well, Happy New Year, Debs.” Dominic took Debbie into a hug.
“You too, Dom.” Debbie looked up at Elijah. “Take care, son, and I’ll see you soon.”
“Yeah… bye, Mom… and thanks!”
Then Debbie was gone.
Dominic opened the front door and stepped aside as Elijah walked in. Elijah laughed when he saw balloons and banners all over the place.
“You’ve been busy…” Elijah made his way into the living room… walking slowly, walking carefully. What he saw made him laugh out loud. “Dom… what have you been doing?”
“Just welcoming you home, Lij.” Dominic entered the room with two bottles of coke. “Whaddya think?”
“Well…” Elijah looked at the photographs, and the banners and the balloons, which were in all colours and shades. He walked over to one of the photo enlargements. A huge picture of himself and Dominic standing by the Orient Express, when it had made a short stop over in Bucharest. He stared at it, looking at their smiling faces. Dominic’s arm was wrapped around him so tightly, so protectively.
“Lij…?”
“It’s wonderful, Dom.” Elijah continued to stare at the photograph. “We had a great time on that train… didn’t we?” Elijah’s voice sounded so melancholy. “Although I look a lot different now than I did then.”
“No…” Dominic moved behind Elijah.
Elijah glanced over his shoulder at Dominic before moving on to another photograph.
“Why did you do all this Dom? All these photos? Did you want to remember me before? …”
Dominic frowned. “No… Lij…”
Elijah picked up the photo of himself and Dominic kissing at Mossel Bay. Not a care in the world back then. No disfiguring scars… no nagging fears of ever being able to walk properly again.
“That was a different me…” Elijah whispered.
“No… it’s the same you…” Dominic put his hands on Elijah’s shoulders but Elijah slipped out from underneath them and carefully navigated his way out of the living room.
Dominic sighed as he followed him.
Elijah stood in the study doorway looking at the hundreds of photos sprawled on the desk. Somehow he didn’t feel ready to look at them just yet… he knew Dominic meant well with the images he had enlarged… but he had looked so normal back then…
He saw his journal lying open. That journal had been a window into his soul; he had poured into it his heart, his feelings - all his emotions. It all seemed so long ago… like another life.
Dominic picked up the journal and looked at Elijah. “I carried on with it, Lij. When we got to New Zealand… and you can read my entries baby, any time… you know that, don’t you?”
Elijah looked at the journal in Dominic’s hands. “I wrote that for you, Dom…”
“I know…” Dominic placed it down on the desk and followed Elijah back to the living room. He wasn’t quite sure what was happening here. Elijah seemed so sombre.
“What is it, baby?” he asked rather worriedly. “You are glad to be home, aren’t you?”
Elijah placed his crutches by the side of the sofa and collapsed onto it. He felt incredibly tired… …and scared. Scared?
… yes, scared…
He had wanted this for so long… to come home, to be with Dominic again… to get back to their old life. But he had felt safe in the hospital… safe and secure. How fucking screwed up was it thinking that?
And now he was home, all of a sudden he was shit scared… of everything.
“Can I get anything for you?” Dominic asked… concern starting to edge into his voice.
“No…”
“What is it, Lij? It can’t be the photos…”
“Dominic…” Elijah began… and then shook his head. “No… no… you wouldn’t understand…”
“What… what? Understand what? Fuck it, Lij… don’t you go freaking me out… not now.”
“Those pictures…” Elijah pointed to the wall. “That was me before… I’m different now, Dom.”
“Different… I don’t know what you mean.”
“I’m not the same person.”
“You are so the same person, Lijah!” Dominic was wondering where the hell this was going.
“Have you looked at me lately, Dom? No… you haven’t. That’s because I keep it fucking covered up… it’s ugly and grotesque. I am not the same person, Dom… not physically, anyway.”
“Just what the fuck are you going on about, Lij?”
“This!” Elijah held up his scarred arm… “And here”… he touched his leg. “It looks like I’ve been through a fucking meat grinder. It’s grotesque… and I know how you like me to be so perfect.”
Dominic felt like he had been slapped in the face.
“I need to go and lie down…” Elijah didn’t look at Dominic as he struggled to get to his feet.
“Here… let me help you.”
“No!” Elijah’s voice was sharp. “I don’t need your help, Dom! I can do it by myself…”
“Oh, for fuck sake, Lij!” Dominic pushed Elijah gently back down into the seat. “Now you just listen to me for a minute, ok?”
Elijah kept his eyes downcast.
Dominic got onto his knees in front of Elijah and took hold of his hands.
“Look at me, Lij.”
Elijah didn’t respond.
“I said look at me.”
Elijah slowly raised his head… although his mouth remained firmly set … his eyes betrayed him. Dominic could actually see fear in them.
“Lijah… my Lijah. You don’t go and put on a ceremony of love and do what you did for me, and then refuse my offer of help. You just don’t do that… not ever.
Christ, Lij… I thought I’d lost you… after the ceremony I thought you had gone from me, and the thought of facing my future so utterly alone almost broke me. But your words… your beautiful words helped me through it all, Elijah… and I can recall them all, even to this very day.
Every step of the way you had said… every step of the way you had taken with me… and do you really think that is going to end now?
I fucking love you, Elijah… all of you… every single inch of you… and if you don’t think I can see past some scarring which will eventually fade, then I guess you don’t know me as well as you thought.
I am with you… every step of the way… just like you said. We are starting a new journey together, baby… and I know I’ve told you this before … but, Lij… you are my journey… you are my life. I nearly lost you, but I got you back… I fucking love you so much.”
Elijah remained silent.
Dominic looked at Elijah intently for a moment before speaking again. “Wait here…” He got to his feet and disappeared, only to return quickly with a small box in his hand. He dropped onto his knees in front of Elijah.
Elijah looked at him quizzically.
“I got it fixed… once you pulled through in New Zealand, I sent it back to Kakslauttanen, in Lapland, to see if they could repair it.” Dominic took the lid off the box and lifted out Elijah’s bracelet. “It’s not quite the same I’m afraid… they had to remove a lot of threads from each end… but… but it’s your bracelet, Lijah. Your bracelet of Hope.”
Dominic took Elijah’s hand and carefully tied the bracelet around his wrist.
“There…” he said. Another thing back where it belongs…”
Elijah looked at his bracelet and he suddenly became overwhelmed. How could he ever have doubted Dominic, even for one second?
“Lij?” Dominic tilted Elijah’s face up so he could look at him.
“Oh… Dom.” Elijah’s voice cracked as he tried to stand up, and with Dominic’s help he was pulled onto his feet and straight into Dominic’s arms. “I’m so sorry…” he cried. “I didn’t mean any of what I said… you know that… I’m sorry… I’m just scared…I’m really scared… that’s all…”
“Oh, God… Lijah… you don’t have to be scared, baby… never be scared…” Dominic looked into Elijah’s eyes, which were huge wet pools of uncertainty.
“I love you so much, Elijah…” Dominic placed his mouth over Elijah’s and kissed him gently. “So fucking much…”
Elijah closed his eyes and felt hot tears leak from behind them. Dominic’s mouth on his own felt exquisite… and Dominic’s arms around him made him feel safe.
Their kiss deepened, mouths opening, tongues entwining… and it felt fantastic. Dominic finally, breathlessly, pulled away to look at Elijah again… whose eyes were now shining… fear having been pushed away… at least for now.
Dominic cupped Elijah’s face in his hands and kissed him again… and then he picked him up, and carried him into their bedroom, where he laid him down on their bed and slowly… very slowly he began undressing him, kissing every part of his body as he did so.
“No… no, Lij. You don’t need that…” Dominic pushed aside the quilt that Elijah had lifted over his body in an attempt to hide his scars…
“You never need to hide anything from me, baby…not ever…” Dominic’s eyes swept over Elijah’s naked, slim body… and then he knelt up and looked directly into Elijah’s troubled eyes.
“You’re beautiful, Elijah…” Dominic whispered to him as he took hold his hands. “So beautiful… always so fucking beautiful…”
Elijah blinked hard and then his breathing hitched as he watched Dominic’s head dip down again, letting his mouth roam over his body, leaving feather light kisses everywhere.
“I’m so fucking lucky… to have you…” Dominic spoke quietly…in-between kisses. “So fucking lucky…”
“No…no you’re not…” Elijah’s voice made Dominic look up… his lips reluctantly leaving the warm flesh beneath them.
“No… Dom…” Elijah spoke again. “It’s me… I’m the lucky one… I saw you… and I wanted you… and the fact that you wanted me too… well… it changed my whole life.”
“You changed mine too, Lijah…”
“And even now…” Elijah continued. “Even now you still want me… despite…”
“Hey…” Dominic placed a finger against Elijah’s mouth, “none of that!” He spoke to him as reassuringly as he could. “I’m always going to want you, Elijah… fucking always… you mean everything to me, you know that. Absolutely everything! And even more so now … after what you’ve been through - after what we’ve both been through.” He placed a warm kiss on Elijah’s mouth before continuing.
“Life is so precious, baby…so precious… and boy, have I learned that the hard way over these past few months.” He paused and shifted into a sitting position. “And you’ll never guess what?”
“What…?” Elijah looked at him, wide eyed.
“Well… it’s pretty incredible really…” Dominic smiled down at Elijah. “You just won’t believe it.”
“What?” Elijah couldn’t help but grin as he asked again.
“Well… I think I have fallen in love with you even more deeply than before… how crazy is that?”
“Me too…”
“What?” Dominic laughed. You’ve fallen in love with yourself, Lij? Now that is fucking crazy”
Elijah giggled… and Dominic’s face softened as he looked at him. “I fucking love you, Elijah Wood.”
“And I love you too, Dominic Monaghan…” Elijah couldn’t help but grin back at him. And then they kissed… long and sensual… not wanting to break apart.
But when they did Elijah’s mood suddenly change again. He watched with some trepidation as Dominic undressed and crawled back onto the bed. Fuck… this was stupid…now he was scared all over again… making love… he couldn’t do it. He knew he wasn’t ready…
“Just going to lie with you, baby…” It was as if Dominic had read his mind. “Just going to lie with you, Lij… and hold you, and feel your body against mine. I’ve fucking missed you so much… I’ve missed this so much…”
Elijah nodded and relaxed and smiled as he turned towards Dominic, who quickly gathered him into his arms. The warmth and feel of Elijah’s body against his own was like coming home, and Dominic felt as if he wanted to weep with sheer thankfulness - Elijah was back where he belonged.
“Ok… baby?” Dominic asked as he stroked Elijah’s hair.
“Hmmm…yes…” A sleepy reply came from Elijah. “I love you, Dom…”
Dominic smiled and drew Elijah towards him, pulling him even closer…
*
As darkness fell, 2005 began to slip away… and as reluctant as he was to do so, Dominic slipped out from Elijah’s warm embrace and padded quietly to the study. He picked up Elijah’s journal… he needed to finish the entry he had made earlier that day. So he sat down at the desk, switched on the small lamp and picked up the pen and began to write.
**
31 December 2005
How do you pick up the pieces of a past life? How do you adjust to an unknown future?
…. …. ….
Some futures maybe unknown… and these past few months have made me come to realise that nothing is certain…but it has also made me realise just how precious life is… and how love… … the love for one person can overcome almost anything.
My love for Elijah is my future… he has been, and always will be, my life.
**
Dominic looked at his entry before closing the journal… there really was nothing more to say. He switched off the light and made his way back to the bedroom, and stood in the doorway looking at his naked, sleeping lover.
Fireworks began to light up the sky outside as 2006 officially began… with 2005 slipping into history and memory. It would be a year he would never forget.
As Dominic watched Elijah turn over… still in deep sleep, he smiled to himself.
“Happy New Year, baby…” he muttered. “I love you.”
End
***
But not the end! Coming soon The Wedding - sequel to World Trip!
World Trip Acknowledgements and Information
Author/Email: Salogel (salogel42@hotmail.com)
Pairing: Dom/Elijah
Rating: 15
Summary: Back in LA.
WARNING: some angst
Feedback: Yes please
Archive:Hobbit Haven
Disclaimer: None of this happened or will ever happen. It is all made up in my overactive mind.
Note: Any flashbacks are written as they happened, and not necessarily as a point of view.
Previous chapters can be found here.
Thank Yous to: to Jesslotr for my wonderful icon! And Ru for being a fantastic beta!
World Trip
Chapter 39 - Home
Dominic walked slowly through the quiet rooms of the apartment. Being on his own was something he could never get used to. He opened the bedroom door and stared at the bed before moving inside to straighten the quilt cover. Then he looked out the window to the world beyond.
It was the last day of the year.
He never thought the year would end like this, how could he? He had spent nine months out of the last twelve with Elijah constantly by his side, and those memories, those very precious memories of being with Elijah had helped him get through these long, difficult past few weeks.
Sleeping alone was the worst. The days were ok… …he was kept busy… but the nights… the nights were too long. Coming in through that front door every evening to nothing but emptiness was gut wrenching, and wrong, and it wasn’t right that Elijah wasn’t here, with his music blaring so loudly you couldn’t hear yourself think.
Elijah…
Dominic closed the bedroom door behind him and walked into the study. He could vividly remember Elijah sitting at this desk surrounded by atlases, and asking him where it was he wanted to go… where did he want to start their world trip?
Was that really over a year ago?
Dominic sat down on the swivel chair… Elijah had planned it all from this room… the countries, the hotels, the flights, the excursions… everything. But neither of them could have envisaged how their journey was going to end. How could they possibly have known?
Dominic reached out for one of the numerous packets of photographs sprawled on the desk in front of him. Once he had returned home he had them all processed… all the memory cards… there were hundreds of images, and looking at them over and over again had helped him while away the lonely hours of the night.
He selected one of the glossy pictures and held it up and looked at it… they were dressed up like Eskimos. He chuckled to himself remembering that night in the ice igloo… then he placed the photograph down on the table and picked up another one. These photographs had been taken just a few days into their holiday.
“This time last year.” Dominic’s voice sounded loud in the silence of the room.
He looked at the photo of the glass igloo, and ran his fingers over Elijah’s smiling face. New Year’s Eve, last year. Making love to Elijah, underneath billions of stars… a wall of glass the only thing separating their naked bodies from the freezing temperatures of the Arctic.
“That was a year ago, Lij…”
Dominic stared a little longer at the photograph, and then glanced at his watch. In twelve hours time 2005 would be over, and a new year would begin. He closed his eyes at this thought. A New Year… a new start… a new beginning?
Dominic opened Elijah’s journal. He had written in it every single night since he had returned home, and this would be his last entry. It was the end of the year, and therefore the end of the journal. Closure really was needed.
**
31 December 2005
How do you pick up the pieces of a past life? How do you adjust to an unknown future?
**
Dominic chewed the top of his pen, deep in thought, before placing it down on the table. He opened a crumpled envelope that he had been carrying everywhere with him since his return. He pulled out two pieces of paper; one of them was much larger than the other. It was the drawing of Elijah. The sketch Hanne had made of him during their stay in Denmark. It was badly creased due to its travels in Elijah’s suitcase half way around the world. The postmark on the envelope was dated 15 August 2005. For some unknown reason Elijah had decided to post it home once they had arrived in Sydney.
Dominic studied the sketch… it was beautiful, of course it was beautiful… Elijah had never been anything but beautiful. And perfect… he had always been so perfect…
Dominic looked at the words he had just written in the journal. Christ… they look so fucking final.
“Well they are…” his voice was a whisper.
He looked again at Elijah’s drawing. His eyes ran over the perfect profile. He knew every pore on Elijah’s face… Hanne had captured him well… so well… so painfully well.
Then Dominic picked up the other piece of paper that Elijah had posted with the drawing on that very same day. It was a short letter… one that he had written while they were on their tour in South Africa. Probably while he was resting, after injuring his ankle again.
It was the letter he had said he was going to write about why he had wanted to give Dominic his gift in New Zealand. And in that letter he had poured out his heart, just as he had at the ceremony… it was from a very private Elijah, who had bared his soul.
Dominic’s fingers went to the pendant around his neck as he read Elijah’s words. He had not taken the necklace off since Elijah had shakily placed it over his head, almost three months ago.
Then he looked at the journal again. What more could he write? He flicked back through the pages, looking at entry upon entry all written in Elijah’s hand. Everything was chronicled there, the past year of Elijah’s life… well… up until a month before New Zealand.
Dominic leant back in the chair and put his hands behind his head. Everything on the desk in front of him was a record of their world trip. Elijah’s words, and his photographs.
He looked at his watch again. Eleven hours to go. He really couldn’t face being alone tonight… not this night. Not any night. He picked up another packet of photographs and emptied the contents onto the table.
He smiled as he selected the photograph that Mal had taken of him kissing Elijah on Mossel Bay. It was a fantastic picture. A close up… both of them had their eyes closed as they kissed. Mal had caught them perfectly.
“Perfectly…” Dominic stood up and carried the photograph with him into the living room. When he entered the room he looked around… then he placed the photograph next to some of the others that he’d had blown up earlier. Photographs of Elijah were everywhere.
He looked at his watch. “Christ… stop it!” he mumbled to himself. “If it happens it happens.”
He flopped down on the sofa, and picked up the television remote control, not really interested in what was on, but time was dragging by, so slowly.
Then the phone rang, and Dominic flew across the room to answer it.
“Debs?”
“Hi, Dom…”
“Are you coming?” Dominic held his breath waiting for the answer, silently praying as he did so.
A pause… some muffled sounds… and then Debbie’s voice came back loud and clear.
“Yes… we’ll be there in two hours.”
More muffled sounds.
“Umm... make that three hours, Dom.”
Dominic face broke out into the widest grin… and his heart was hammering. “That’s great!” he replied.
“See you later…”
Then Debbie hung up.
Oh… fuck! Fuck… fuck… fuck! Dominic danced on the spot still grinning insanely to himself.
“Three hours… three fucking hours… what can I do? Call Billy! Nope, you twat… it’s evening in Scotland… he’ll be out celebrating. Shit… gonna call him anyway.”
Dominic dialled Billy’s mobile number and waited. It was answered on the third ring.
“Hey… Dom… you bugger… how’s Elijah doing?”
Dominic could hear a lot of noise in the background… New Year celebrations were well on their way in Billy’s homestead, and as he’d only returned from Argentina a few days ago, Dominic knew it was going to be a double celebration. Christ, it had been so good to hear his friend’s voice again.
“He’s coming home, Bills. This afternoon. He’s finally coming home.”
“That’s fantastic, Dom. Listen… can’t talk right now. I have to go. Call me, right? Any time! Oh… and Happy New Year!”
“Happy New Year to you, too Bills. And thanks… thanks for being on the end of the phone for me these past few days…”
“You daft bugger… no problem!”
“I mean it…”
“Dom… if you get all soppy with me now, I’ll have to fly over and impinge on your re-union with Elijah.”
Dominic laughed. “Love you, Bills,” he said. “You take care!”
“Bye, mate!”
Then the phones fell silent.
Dominic looked at his watch. Now he would be fucking clock watching, and every minute would feel like an hour.
God, he had been waiting for this moment… he had been praying for this moment. Elijah had said to him before he was admitted to hospital two weeks ago on landing in LA… “I’ll be home, Dom… for New Year. I promise you.”
And he’d done it! He was coming home… and Dominic was on the verge of crying with the joy of it all.
*
Twelve weeks ago, the outlook had been bleak. Dominic could not have foreseen this outcome. Not ever.
As they drove away from the ceremony in New Zealand, Elijah’s life had been hanging by a thread... the thinnest of threads, and his chances of survival were low, practically none existent. But where there was life… there was hope. There was always hope. And that was all Dominic had to cling on to. Hope. That word again… that special word, which now held more meaning to him than ever before.
Elijah had spent four weeks in intensive care, on a ventilator in a drug induced coma. And Dominic had been able to stay with him this time, and he barely left his side. When Debbie finally arrived they took it in turns, so at least he could get away for a break if he wanted to. But they were few and far between. His place was always beside Elijah, not away from him.
Elijah was sick, gravely sick, and the doctors fought to save his life. Dominic couldn’t believe that the young man lying on the bed beside him, hooked up to every machine possible would ever pull through this. Not this time. His body was weak, and frail and it broke Dominic’s heart to see the large thick tubes inserted into his chest. There were tubes everywhere… he fucking hated the sight of them, invading his lover’s body like that… but they were keeping Elijah alive, and that was all that mattered.
Lynne and Danae stayed on, and they were a big comfort, but Sala had to return to LA. On his departure Sala gave Dominic the keys to his house.
“It’s yours mate, for as long as you need it… and… and… you know… let me know… what happens. Ok… Dom?”
Dominic had nodded, and then they hugged for a long time. “He’s strong, Dom.” Sala had whispered before they broke apart.
“I know…” Dominic’s voice was thick. “I know…” But was Elijah strong enough?
It was three long weeks before there was any change in Elijah’s condition. He finally responded to the treatment, and x-rays of his chest confirmed this. Within another week he was gradually weaned off the ventilator, and moved out of intensive care, and Dominic knew that this was a momentous step for him. But he still had a long way to go, but it was so good to see him conscious again… and smiling… God how he had missed that smile.
A fortnight later Elijah was able to speak again, his vocal cords having recovered from the bruising they had endured from the ventilator, and his breathing was gradually improving, although he was still on oxygen, albeit supplementary.
The following week, Danae came to say her goodbyes. Dominic no longer needed her… Elijah was going to make it… and she knew his future with Elijah was assured. Dominic had been able to do what she had not… make that sacrifice… and in a way he had been rewarded for it. He had been given a second chance, and Danae knew that Dominic would come out of this a changed person. He would probably be even more protective of Elijah than ever before, and she smiled to herself at that thought. But his own needs would no longer take top priority… she could guarantee that.
“I’ll miss you…” Dominic looked forlorn as he stood opposite Danae outside Elijah’s room. She had just finished saying her goodbyes to Elijah. “I really wish you could stay, Danae. Do you have to leave?”
Danae smiled and took Dominic’s hands into her own. “You have become very important to me Dominic, and I will miss you, too. But now this is your time. You have your man back… and you have your future ahead of you. You have come through this… and…” Danae suddenly felt tears fill her eyes. “And… and… Dominic… I am so proud of you…”
“Oh, Danae…” Dominic pulled her into his embrace and hugged her tightly. “I could never have done any of this without you. You were there, when I had no one, and I’ll never be able to thank you enough for that… not ever.”
Danae pulled back, and wiped her eyes. “You must keep me informed, Dominic… on Elijah’s progress. Use that phone! Use the internet!”
Dominic looked at her rather sheepishly. “Yeah, I will. Don’t you worry.”
“Elijah will need a lot of care and attention… and if it becomes too much. I am only a phone call away.”
“Yes, I know… and thank you.” Dominic could not ever envisage Elijah becoming ‘too much.’
“Take care, Dominic.” And then Danae picked up her suitcase and disappeared down the corridor and through the double doors.
Dominic waited until the doors stopped swinging before returning to Elijah… ‘his man’.
Elijah had remained in Wellington hospital for another three weeks before he was deemed fit enough to fly back to America. He was getting along without the oxygen now, although he tired very easily, and he had yet to take a single step.
“You can stay at your Mum’s while we get the apartment sorted…” Dominic’s mind whirled as he tried to figure out what adjustments were necessary for wheelchair access.
“No, Dom…”
“But, Lij…”
“I’m arranging to go into hospital when we get home…”
“Hospital? But, Lij… I can look after you…”
“No, Dom. Not you, and not my Mom. You’ve been through enough, already. The only way I’m returning to our apartment is by walking in through the front door.”
“But… Lij…” Dominic protested.
“I’m going into a private hospital Dom… they’ll help me get back on my feet… they’ll help me walk again.”
“Lijah… that’s going to take time, baby. I want you home… with me… I’ve missed you so much. You know I can take care of you.”
Elijah’s determination softened. “I know, Dom… and I can’t wait to be with you again… but I want to do this for me. I hate being in this chair… I want to be able to stand up… I want to be able to hold your hand and lead you into our bedroom; I want to be able to stand opposite you to kiss you… I just want to be me again… that’s all. Can you understand that?”
“Oh… Lijah. You are you… and I fucking love you… and I just want you in my arms, baby… at night… I can take you to the hospital for appointments… I can…” Dominic stopped in his tracks. Fuck… he was sounding like the old Dom.
He looked at Elijah who was staring intently at him… this young man who had been to hell and back, and had come through it in one piece. Elijah’s character had always been one full of determination. He had proved that many times during the past, and the ordeal he had just been through had changed none of it, and in a way that made Dominic’s heart soar.
This was his Elijah sitting in the wheelchair in front of him, as strong as before, as mentally determined as before, and Dominic knew nothing would stand in his way. If Elijah wanted to walk again… he knew he would do it. His strength was returning daily, and enough so that he could tackle the momentous feat of standing and walking again.
The last time Elijah had walked anywhere was along the beach in Townsville, and that had been at the beginning of September, over three months ago. Now he was suffering from muscle wastage, and extreme weakness due to lack of movement and usage. And the final effects of the box jellyfish sting were still as yet unknown… it wasn’t until Elijah was walking again, that any lasting damage from the sting could be determined.
Elijah still had a very long road ahead of him.
“I know you’re not happy with my decision, Dom. I know you thought that once we returned to LA, we would be together again. And I want that… I miss that. Day after day I have lain in that hospital bed, thinking of nothing else. I just want this to be over… I just want to get better… and I will… I’ll be home, Dom… for New Year. I promise you.”
Dominic nodded… he understood. But it was going to be so hard returning to their apartment without Elijah.
“You can visit me every day. I’m ordering you too!”
Dominic laughed. “I love you, Lij. Don’t you ever change, will you?”
Elijah grinned at him. “Now wheel me outside… somewhere private… so we can have a snog.”
Dominic laughed again. Everything was going to be ok. It was all going to work out.
*
Clock watching, window watching… boy, did time drag when you wanted it to fly!
What was that saying? Dominic thought for a moment.
Some days will stay a thousand years, some pass like the flash of a spark... who knows where all our days go?
Well it seemed like a thousand days since Debbie’s phone call. Dominic looked at his watch and then checked for the millionth time the welcome home banner he had made for the front door. It was still there… of course it was still there…
Jeez…Monaghan… get a grip! Anyone would think this was your first date!
Dominic returned to the living room and stood admiring his work. Balloons… flowers… more welcome home banners… he was like a fucking big kid!
Yeah… but Lij… is coming home!
Checks watch…. half an hour… God, he couldn’t wait. He was going to have Elijah all to himself again… no one else around. No doctors, no nurses, no visitors… just him and Lijah. No one else at all!
It was going to be strange… almost surreal… like starting over. Things had changed… you don’t go through what Elijah had been through and not change, that was a certainty. And he knew that he himself had changed… those weeks of sitting by Elijah’s bedside willing him to pull through… he had remained calm… positive… he had kept a grip on his feelings… refusing to break down… although there had been moments when he thought all was lost, and the black hole beckoned.
But he had received continuous support… from Danae, from Debbie and from Lynne before she flew back to Townsville… and Elijah… Elijah’s determination to not let go… to hold on… and to pull back from the brink had made Dominic’s love for him stronger than ever. There was no way he was going to let Elijah down by falling into that abyss of misery and self-pity that had dogged his life so unnecessarily, and for so long.
When Elijah finally regained consciousness he had been confused and upset… and Dominic had wondered just how much of his ceremony he could remember. Then a few days later when they had some precious time to themselves, Elijah had reached out to touch Dominic’s pendant.
“I gave it to you” he whispered… his eyes filling with tears… and Dominic had wanted to take him in his arms right then, but was unable to do so because of all the wires and tubes.
“You did, baby…” he said. “And it’s beautiful…” Dominic put his hand in his pocket. “And I have yours here.” He pulled out Elijah’s pendant. “They took it off you… when you… when you…”
Elijah looked at him… he had no recollection of anything after placing Dominic’s necklace around his neck. “I… I don’t remember…” he whispered.
“I know…” Dominic stood up and helped Elijah lean forward a little and then slipped the pounamu twist over his head. “There…” he said. “Now it’s where it belongs.”
Elijah smiled at him. “For eternity…” he whispered.
Dominic heard a car pull up outside and he rushed to the window to look out. It was Debbie’s mini. He watched for a while as Debbie helped Elijah out of the car. Then he saw Elijah look up at him and smile.
“Fuck… you’re home!” Christ… I love you, Lij… Dominic ran to the front door, and leapt down the small external flight of stairs in one bound. He emerged into the warm sunshine as Elijah made his way along the path.
He was on two crutches, and was extremely wobbly… but he was walking. Two weeks of gruelling physiotherapy, made more difficult by his reduced lung capacity, had seen him get onto his feet and take those first few steps back to a normal life.
Because normal it could be. His doctor was convinced that in time Elijah could make a full recovery… with plenty of rest… moderate exercise and clean air. And with the help and support of his family and friends there was no reason why Elijah couldn’t return to being the fit young man he was before all this happened. And Dominic knew he would be there for Elijah every step of the way. It was going to be a shaky unknown future for a while. But they would make it.
Debbie walked slowly behind Elijah, carrying his luggage. Dominic grinned as Elijah approached him… he was concentrating so hard on his walking, and Dominic felt a rush of love for him so great he was surprised the whole world couldn’t feel it.
The light breeze ruffled Elijah’s hair… it had grown so long that even Elijah had grown fed up with it, but Dominic loved it. He loved the way his fingers could run through the long thick locks… he seriously hoped he could talk Elijah out of getting it cut.
“Hi…” Elijah grinned at Dominic as he came face to face with him. His face was shining from the exertion of walking the short distance from the car.
“Hi… to you, too!” Dominic gave Elijah a quick kiss on the cheek. “And welcome home, Lij!”
“It’s great to be home…” Elijah looked over his shoulder at his smiling mother… then he looked towards the steps he had to climb.
“Want some help?” Dominic asked as he slipped past Elijah.
“No… no thank you…”
Dominic stepped back and raised his eyebrows at Debbie. They both watched Elijah walk awkwardly up the stairs… Dominic’s body was coiled ready to spring into action if Elijah slipped, but he didn’t. When he reached the top… he looked down at them.
“See… piece of cake…!” he grinned.
Dominic laughed and then took the bag off Debbie. “You coming in?” he asked.
“No… no… you go ahead. I’ll call in a couple of days.”
“Great… well, Happy New Year, Debs.” Dominic took Debbie into a hug.
“You too, Dom.” Debbie looked up at Elijah. “Take care, son, and I’ll see you soon.”
“Yeah… bye, Mom… and thanks!”
Then Debbie was gone.
Dominic opened the front door and stepped aside as Elijah walked in. Elijah laughed when he saw balloons and banners all over the place.
“You’ve been busy…” Elijah made his way into the living room… walking slowly, walking carefully. What he saw made him laugh out loud. “Dom… what have you been doing?”
“Just welcoming you home, Lij.” Dominic entered the room with two bottles of coke. “Whaddya think?”
“Well…” Elijah looked at the photographs, and the banners and the balloons, which were in all colours and shades. He walked over to one of the photo enlargements. A huge picture of himself and Dominic standing by the Orient Express, when it had made a short stop over in Bucharest. He stared at it, looking at their smiling faces. Dominic’s arm was wrapped around him so tightly, so protectively.
“Lij…?”
“It’s wonderful, Dom.” Elijah continued to stare at the photograph. “We had a great time on that train… didn’t we?” Elijah’s voice sounded so melancholy. “Although I look a lot different now than I did then.”
“No…” Dominic moved behind Elijah.
Elijah glanced over his shoulder at Dominic before moving on to another photograph.
“Why did you do all this Dom? All these photos? Did you want to remember me before? …”
Dominic frowned. “No… Lij…”
Elijah picked up the photo of himself and Dominic kissing at Mossel Bay. Not a care in the world back then. No disfiguring scars… no nagging fears of ever being able to walk properly again.
“That was a different me…” Elijah whispered.
“No… it’s the same you…” Dominic put his hands on Elijah’s shoulders but Elijah slipped out from underneath them and carefully navigated his way out of the living room.
Dominic sighed as he followed him.
Elijah stood in the study doorway looking at the hundreds of photos sprawled on the desk. Somehow he didn’t feel ready to look at them just yet… he knew Dominic meant well with the images he had enlarged… but he had looked so normal back then…
He saw his journal lying open. That journal had been a window into his soul; he had poured into it his heart, his feelings - all his emotions. It all seemed so long ago… like another life.
Dominic picked up the journal and looked at Elijah. “I carried on with it, Lij. When we got to New Zealand… and you can read my entries baby, any time… you know that, don’t you?”
Elijah looked at the journal in Dominic’s hands. “I wrote that for you, Dom…”
“I know…” Dominic placed it down on the desk and followed Elijah back to the living room. He wasn’t quite sure what was happening here. Elijah seemed so sombre.
“What is it, baby?” he asked rather worriedly. “You are glad to be home, aren’t you?”
Elijah placed his crutches by the side of the sofa and collapsed onto it. He felt incredibly tired… …and scared. Scared?
… yes, scared…
He had wanted this for so long… to come home, to be with Dominic again… to get back to their old life. But he had felt safe in the hospital… safe and secure. How fucking screwed up was it thinking that?
And now he was home, all of a sudden he was shit scared… of everything.
“Can I get anything for you?” Dominic asked… concern starting to edge into his voice.
“No…”
“What is it, Lij? It can’t be the photos…”
“Dominic…” Elijah began… and then shook his head. “No… no… you wouldn’t understand…”
“What… what? Understand what? Fuck it, Lij… don’t you go freaking me out… not now.”
“Those pictures…” Elijah pointed to the wall. “That was me before… I’m different now, Dom.”
“Different… I don’t know what you mean.”
“I’m not the same person.”
“You are so the same person, Lijah!” Dominic was wondering where the hell this was going.
“Have you looked at me lately, Dom? No… you haven’t. That’s because I keep it fucking covered up… it’s ugly and grotesque. I am not the same person, Dom… not physically, anyway.”
“Just what the fuck are you going on about, Lij?”
“This!” Elijah held up his scarred arm… “And here”… he touched his leg. “It looks like I’ve been through a fucking meat grinder. It’s grotesque… and I know how you like me to be so perfect.”
Dominic felt like he had been slapped in the face.
“I need to go and lie down…” Elijah didn’t look at Dominic as he struggled to get to his feet.
“Here… let me help you.”
“No!” Elijah’s voice was sharp. “I don’t need your help, Dom! I can do it by myself…”
“Oh, for fuck sake, Lij!” Dominic pushed Elijah gently back down into the seat. “Now you just listen to me for a minute, ok?”
Elijah kept his eyes downcast.
Dominic got onto his knees in front of Elijah and took hold of his hands.
“Look at me, Lij.”
Elijah didn’t respond.
“I said look at me.”
Elijah slowly raised his head… although his mouth remained firmly set … his eyes betrayed him. Dominic could actually see fear in them.
“Lijah… my Lijah. You don’t go and put on a ceremony of love and do what you did for me, and then refuse my offer of help. You just don’t do that… not ever.
Christ, Lij… I thought I’d lost you… after the ceremony I thought you had gone from me, and the thought of facing my future so utterly alone almost broke me. But your words… your beautiful words helped me through it all, Elijah… and I can recall them all, even to this very day.
Every step of the way you had said… every step of the way you had taken with me… and do you really think that is going to end now?
I fucking love you, Elijah… all of you… every single inch of you… and if you don’t think I can see past some scarring which will eventually fade, then I guess you don’t know me as well as you thought.
I am with you… every step of the way… just like you said. We are starting a new journey together, baby… and I know I’ve told you this before … but, Lij… you are my journey… you are my life. I nearly lost you, but I got you back… I fucking love you so much.”
Elijah remained silent.
Dominic looked at Elijah intently for a moment before speaking again. “Wait here…” He got to his feet and disappeared, only to return quickly with a small box in his hand. He dropped onto his knees in front of Elijah.
Elijah looked at him quizzically.
“I got it fixed… once you pulled through in New Zealand, I sent it back to Kakslauttanen, in Lapland, to see if they could repair it.” Dominic took the lid off the box and lifted out Elijah’s bracelet. “It’s not quite the same I’m afraid… they had to remove a lot of threads from each end… but… but it’s your bracelet, Lijah. Your bracelet of Hope.”
Dominic took Elijah’s hand and carefully tied the bracelet around his wrist.
“There…” he said. Another thing back where it belongs…”
Elijah looked at his bracelet and he suddenly became overwhelmed. How could he ever have doubted Dominic, even for one second?
“Lij?” Dominic tilted Elijah’s face up so he could look at him.
“Oh… Dom.” Elijah’s voice cracked as he tried to stand up, and with Dominic’s help he was pulled onto his feet and straight into Dominic’s arms. “I’m so sorry…” he cried. “I didn’t mean any of what I said… you know that… I’m sorry… I’m just scared…I’m really scared… that’s all…”
“Oh, God… Lijah… you don’t have to be scared, baby… never be scared…” Dominic looked into Elijah’s eyes, which were huge wet pools of uncertainty.
“I love you so much, Elijah…” Dominic placed his mouth over Elijah’s and kissed him gently. “So fucking much…”
Elijah closed his eyes and felt hot tears leak from behind them. Dominic’s mouth on his own felt exquisite… and Dominic’s arms around him made him feel safe.
Their kiss deepened, mouths opening, tongues entwining… and it felt fantastic. Dominic finally, breathlessly, pulled away to look at Elijah again… whose eyes were now shining… fear having been pushed away… at least for now.
Dominic cupped Elijah’s face in his hands and kissed him again… and then he picked him up, and carried him into their bedroom, where he laid him down on their bed and slowly… very slowly he began undressing him, kissing every part of his body as he did so.
“No… no, Lij. You don’t need that…” Dominic pushed aside the quilt that Elijah had lifted over his body in an attempt to hide his scars…
“You never need to hide anything from me, baby…not ever…” Dominic’s eyes swept over Elijah’s naked, slim body… and then he knelt up and looked directly into Elijah’s troubled eyes.
“You’re beautiful, Elijah…” Dominic whispered to him as he took hold his hands. “So beautiful… always so fucking beautiful…”
Elijah blinked hard and then his breathing hitched as he watched Dominic’s head dip down again, letting his mouth roam over his body, leaving feather light kisses everywhere.
“I’m so fucking lucky… to have you…” Dominic spoke quietly…in-between kisses. “So fucking lucky…”
“No…no you’re not…” Elijah’s voice made Dominic look up… his lips reluctantly leaving the warm flesh beneath them.
“No… Dom…” Elijah spoke again. “It’s me… I’m the lucky one… I saw you… and I wanted you… and the fact that you wanted me too… well… it changed my whole life.”
“You changed mine too, Lijah…”
“And even now…” Elijah continued. “Even now you still want me… despite…”
“Hey…” Dominic placed a finger against Elijah’s mouth, “none of that!” He spoke to him as reassuringly as he could. “I’m always going to want you, Elijah… fucking always… you mean everything to me, you know that. Absolutely everything! And even more so now … after what you’ve been through - after what we’ve both been through.” He placed a warm kiss on Elijah’s mouth before continuing.
“Life is so precious, baby…so precious… and boy, have I learned that the hard way over these past few months.” He paused and shifted into a sitting position. “And you’ll never guess what?”
“What…?” Elijah looked at him, wide eyed.
“Well… it’s pretty incredible really…” Dominic smiled down at Elijah. “You just won’t believe it.”
“What?” Elijah couldn’t help but grin as he asked again.
“Well… I think I have fallen in love with you even more deeply than before… how crazy is that?”
“Me too…”
“What?” Dominic laughed. You’ve fallen in love with yourself, Lij? Now that is fucking crazy”
Elijah giggled… and Dominic’s face softened as he looked at him. “I fucking love you, Elijah Wood.”
“And I love you too, Dominic Monaghan…” Elijah couldn’t help but grin back at him. And then they kissed… long and sensual… not wanting to break apart.
But when they did Elijah’s mood suddenly change again. He watched with some trepidation as Dominic undressed and crawled back onto the bed. Fuck… this was stupid…now he was scared all over again… making love… he couldn’t do it. He knew he wasn’t ready…
“Just going to lie with you, baby…” It was as if Dominic had read his mind. “Just going to lie with you, Lij… and hold you, and feel your body against mine. I’ve fucking missed you so much… I’ve missed this so much…”
Elijah nodded and relaxed and smiled as he turned towards Dominic, who quickly gathered him into his arms. The warmth and feel of Elijah’s body against his own was like coming home, and Dominic felt as if he wanted to weep with sheer thankfulness - Elijah was back where he belonged.
“Ok… baby?” Dominic asked as he stroked Elijah’s hair.
“Hmmm…yes…” A sleepy reply came from Elijah. “I love you, Dom…”
Dominic smiled and drew Elijah towards him, pulling him even closer…
*
As darkness fell, 2005 began to slip away… and as reluctant as he was to do so, Dominic slipped out from Elijah’s warm embrace and padded quietly to the study. He picked up Elijah’s journal… he needed to finish the entry he had made earlier that day. So he sat down at the desk, switched on the small lamp and picked up the pen and began to write.
**
31 December 2005
How do you pick up the pieces of a past life? How do you adjust to an unknown future?
…. …. ….
Some futures maybe unknown… and these past few months have made me come to realise that nothing is certain…but it has also made me realise just how precious life is… and how love… … the love for one person can overcome almost anything.
My love for Elijah is my future… he has been, and always will be, my life.
**
Dominic looked at his entry before closing the journal… there really was nothing more to say. He switched off the light and made his way back to the bedroom, and stood in the doorway looking at his naked, sleeping lover.
Fireworks began to light up the sky outside as 2006 officially began… with 2005 slipping into history and memory. It would be a year he would never forget.
As Dominic watched Elijah turn over… still in deep sleep, he smiled to himself.
“Happy New Year, baby…” he muttered. “I love you.”
End
***
But not the end! Coming soon The Wedding - sequel to World Trip!
World Trip Acknowledgements and Information