suicide is an elegant option
What do you do when you realize that you are everything that you hate in the world? Like all of it is inside of you all the time bubbling out when you are alone? How can you ever trust yourself not to spill that kind of bile all over everyone you come in contact with? What if you just end up spilling it all over the people you want to be near the most? What do you do when you only stay alive because it will keep other people happy?