Driving Songs, Part 2b
[Continuation of Part 2 of Driving Songs.]
* * *
Duke felt guilty for leaving Serenity and Jai alone together, but hopefully Jai would be able to make Serenity relax a little more. They were safe now, after all; if Steven had followed them, he definitely wouldn't think to look here.
With a sigh, Duke pushed himself up from the couch in order to stand, and briefly curled his arms around Jai's neck as if to silently show him just how grateful he was for all of this, before speaking. "Wake me up in a couple hours to make lunch, okay?" He turned to Serenity after that, and offered, "Didn't really plan on doing this to you but... I'm really tired. If he gives you any trouble though, you have my permission to slap him again." He smiled, at both of them, before walking around Jai toward the bedroom. On the way he accidentally bumped something small off of Jai's coffee table, but his thoughts were so fixated on bed that he couldn't bring himself to stop and pick up whatever it was.
One of several religious and occult books that had been stacked on the table now was flat on the ground: Duke's copy of The Satanic Bible that he'd left at the apartment last weekend. At his own apartment he made precautions to hide all of his books and his ritual items, but he'd never felt the need to hide anything at Jai's apartment. When he'd asked Jai if he and Serenity could come over, he'd been so stressed about the situation that he hadn't bothered to even consider his occult books being left out in the open. Oblivious, Duke curled up in Jai's bed and fell asleep just moments after he reclined, content to shut out the world for a little while.
Back in the living room, a confrontation was underway. "Rrrrr--!" announced Bear warningly from beneath the couch at the dog-nose that poked cautiously at him. And there's more where that came from, buddy, so you just watch it, added his bushed-up tail as he skittered backwards into the furthest reaches of his hideout.
Serenity had pulled her knees up and was hanging half off, peering upside-down after her charge with her own tied-off tail of hair brushing the wood floor; her sneakers lay on the floor-- she hadn't wanted to scuff the couch. "He's not usually this cranky," she muttered in chagrin, settling back up and rubbing at her eyes with one hand. Beside her legs Lucifer shuffled himself down to watch, ears set at a hopeful cant. "Guess he's tired too."
Looking around, the redhead took in her surroundings with a little more awareness than she had earlier. "Nice place you've got here," she commented, eyes tracing the lines of the set of shelves that divided the room from the rest of the apartment. Her gaze drifted back towards the red-orange fabric of the cushions she sat on, and one side of her mouth quirked up. "I like your couch; nice color. I remember," and she brushed her hair back into place absentmindedly, "Duke said something a while back in a letter when you moved in here-- he was really excited. Think he helped you paint, didn't he?" Serenity knew enough about Jai to be aware that home decor wasn't exactly his abiding interest, but in her current state of mind distraction of any sort was to be valued.
It was better than thinking about why she was there in the first place, after all.
“Well he usually is that dense, so I’m guessing he’ll get a few claws to the nose before he figures out annoying the cat is a bad idea.” Jai offered about the dog as he paused to scoop the book up before Lucifer got any brilliant ideas about chewing on it, he never put anything past the weirdly random mutt. And he was only half paying attention to the conversation while he dropped it back onto the table; usually Duke kept up with his possessions a little better than that and it was just another indication of how tired he must have been. Troublesome, yes; but hopefully Duke would have some time to sleep it off now, assuming the four-legged creatures having a standoff in the room could keep from growing too noisy.
And once the conversation had turned to something more mundane Jai just let it flow that way; there was something needlessly cruel about forcing anything too stressful on Serenity when she already looked so weary.
“Eh, thanks;” Jai muttered with little else to say until he gathered something of use, “Duke and I have a running argument over just exactly what color that couch is; red or orange. I doubt it’s going to resolve anytime soon, we’re both too stubborn.”
Jai ventured close enough to the couch to push the books over more and sit down on the edge of it, easier to face her to talk that way but it still gave him a degree of physical distance too and that was mostly for his own comfort zones. “Yeah, he helped me paint the walls and part of my hair, don’t let Duke kid you; he’s dangerous with a paint roller.”
The young woman eyed the hair in question, fighting back a small involuntary grin that wanted to break out; it was short-lived but there, at least. "Okay, that... had to've been an interesting look; Duke with any kind of manual labor thing is kind of-- well, I can't see that as one of his strong points. Think somebody said something once about his being 'subject to fits of enthusiasm', though... he really likes being helpful." Her eyes strayed to the stack of books and lingered there, widening slightly as she took in the titles on the spines. "He really got me out of a tight place last night. If he hadn't been in when I called, I'd probably be in a hotel somewhere, waiting to see if I'd been followed." Serenity made a face. "Or I'd've done something really stupid, like gone to my parents' place in a cab; NOT have been one of my better ideas."
There was a sudden scrabble of claws at one corner of the couch; in one of those improbable moves that kittens are prone to, Bear forced his small body up through the gap where furniture met wall and clambered onto the back, fur askew and tail bushed out. "Naooow? Mrrowow?" he asked his keeper, winding along behind her head and shoulders; and "Rrrrrr!" he added darkly, peering down towards the dog on the floor. The keeper in question sighed, reaching. "Don't look at me; if you'd settle down somewhere and stop trying to hide, maybe you wouldn't be so freaked out," answered Serenity as she scooped the feline into her lap. After a second she made a small sound that might have been a laugh. "Uh... good advice much? I ought to listen to myself more, maybe?" She stroked her cat restlessly; he attempted to maul her fingers in a friendly kind of way.
“Fits of enthusiasm, yeah; that’s a good term for his random desire to stick his nose right into the middle of things and see what all he can do;” Jai mused, the change in Serenity’s gaze for that brief instant registered but he did little to acknowledge it because he was used to a fleeting strange look over such matters and people had a habit of addressing things on their own, leading sometimes made things awkward and uneasy. “I think it also translates to three in the morning phone calls whenever some weird dream hits him, or dragging people grumbling out to some new restaurant when he wants; Duke’s really good with the enthusiasm. Not so bad at times, good to get yourself kicked every so often to keep out of a rut, but also good for wanting to strangle someone at times too.”
But that was how relationships went, right? Good and bad and mostly it was just messy and in transition day to day; be it a romantic connection or a friendly one.
Taking a moment to weigh her words, and the situation; distracted by the launch of fluff and claws that was Bear, Jai finally spoke again but only after he had given it some consideration. “He’s also really good at being where people need him to be, even if they don‘t want it at first.” Duke was a loyal friend, there was no doubt in that, maybe too much so at times and it was bound to get him hurt sooner or later but there was no changing that either. As much as it troubled him it was more troublesome to think of that as being lost.
“And settling, I don’t know; I’m the worst person to talk to about that. Being here, in the city, is as long as I’ve been much of anywhere in as long as I can remember; really my advice is a little like asking a wolf to guard your sheep, scares off everything else bad at first but bound to get ugly if you let it go on for too long. You’re better off listening to yourself anyway, only way to be able to stand your choices later on after it works out or falls apart.” Jai would have shrugged, but he felt restless too; had not expected to be having a conversation in his living room with a wayward young woman who was in serious trouble. Trying his best still felt like baring his teeth, but that was just his nature, and at least he kept the barbs down some.
The young woman with the cat in her lap hitched one shoulder up in a lopsided shrug. "Maybe I need to ask a wolf for a change," she muttered almost to herself, looking away. "For advice, I mean; maybe 'ugly' isn't such a bad idea. Trying to be a nice, safe sheep hasn't gotten me very far, has it? Just to Connecticut and back, with a year and a half've wasted time." A paw batted at one of Serenity's tendrils of red hair, and she hugged her charge tightly enough to force out a somewhat squashed "Mwrrrf!" Serenity stroked the stripy fur in apology, but Bear squirmed lose and leaped down to slink back beneath the couch again. "Time I made some better choices, I guess." She gave him an almost-smile before allowing her end of the conversation to lag into silence for a moment.
The books on the coffee table caught her eye, and the young woman studied the titles for a few seconds before picking up the one that had fallen onto the floor and adding it back to the pile. "I knew a girl back in college who used to read a lot of this stuff," she commented thoughtfully, leaning back and tucking one foot beneath her knee. "I never knew if she was seriously into it or just-- y'know, trying for shock value...? It was college." The open-ended question was idle enough, but there was real curiosity there depending on how Jai wanted to take it.
“I doubt it counts as wasted, things happened; it wasn’t stagnant; that doesn’t count as wasted time unless you’re going out of your way to do nothing.” Jai mused; there had been more than a few times in life when it had felt like a standing pace, only to find out later on a moment to catch his breath had made a big difference later on. But Serenity was right in it being beyond that now; he was not going to tell her that lingering over things that had to be done was the answer anymore, or that it was likely going to be easy.
What in life honestly was easy? Nothing worth the effort in the end; that was why people had the ability to bounce back from the worst, it was more likely than finding best at every crossroad.
“As long as you’re making choices period there probably isn’t too much better or worse to it depending on which side you’re watching and when you’re looking back.”
Jai hardy knew what to say in the first place, he really did not know Serenity all too well; and time had written subtle differences over her since that time. And to be fair over him as well, sometimes more damage than good could be done by trying to lead a person in the dark when you barely had a candle left yourself.
He did little to hold back the flat look at her evaluation of the books, and how it was college, the girl she had decided to mention, since his own practices had begun at that point. The downside was, unfortunately, there was that side of the situation that people did just use for shock value.
While he was guarded for Duke’s sake for his own he held little reservation; it was not a choice he had made lightly of even if it had been in college.
“Well, unfortunately some things come with shock value regardless; even if that wasn’t the intention. People can abuse any idea, and make it that much more difficult to be taken seriously; especially things that shouldn’t be taken for shock value.” He could have been defensive, he was to a degree; but there was a delicate sort of balance to those type of conversations that could just add to the negative if curiosity was short down roughly.
Jai reached over and snagged one of the books, toying with it for a moment as he weighed the options of shrugged aside the conversation; but that never amounted to any sort of understanding, and there was nothing about his beliefs he felt were wrong or reason to hide.
“People who draw black circles around their eyes, dye their hair neon green, carve pentagrams in their foreheads and go around screaming ‘Hail Satan’; frankly annoy even me. Makes you wish it actually worked that way so somebody would put them out of the world’s misery and drag them off to some dark pit of…what…hell? Technicalities I guess.” His humor was admittedly dark, venomous; but making light of religious beliefs, his own or otherwise; was something Jai had been raised better than to just accept without fitful anger over the mockery. And with some people who lived for the shock value, mockery was exactly the religion they practiced.
At that answer, the almost-smile flickered again for half a second. "Replace the green hair with black, put the pentagram on her arm-- really bad ballpoint-pen tattoo job-- and you just nailed her perfectly. She used to call herself 'Golgotha' and wore tons of jewelry with batwings and upside-down crosses, but really I think she was sort of doing the religion-as-a-fashion-statement thing. You know, you're away from home in a dorm for the first time and it's like somebody gives you a license to rebel?" The young woman shrugged. "Me, I drank too much; 'Golgotha' broke out in a tacky Hot Topics wardrobe and fake fingernails."
The couch creaked softly in a chuff of sofa-cushions as Serenity tucked her other foot up, cross-legged; "I don't know much about religion of any kind, really," she added matter-of-factly. "Me and Joey, our parents didn't push it all that much. Tristan's, they did a bit, but... gently, you know? Catholic; and they raised us as much or more than our own did. That stuff--" (and she reached across to tap the topmost book) "--it probably isn't all Rosemary's Baby and X-Files any more than Christianity's all the Easter Bunny or televangelist crap either, hm?"
One hand fidgeted with her sock-clad toes; the sock in question had a small hole in it, and the redhead unconsciously picked at it a bit with one finger as her expression fell a little. "And... what you said about 'wasted'... no. You're right; it wasn't wasted, I met some good people and I got what I needed: some time without Steven breathing down my neck. Duke met some of them too when he came out to visit me. It's just-- looking back, it felt like running in place, not going anywhere." She grimaced. "But I damn sure ran fast enough when somebody lit a fire under my ass, didn't I?" There was a lurking note of anger in the last, directed far more at herself than at anybody else. "I need to stop just reacting to crap. I'm trying."
A little of her former spirit showed at last as Serenity concluded: "And the first things I'm gonna buy now that I'm back are some mace and a baseball bat. Just in case he finds me, y'know? I'll have to ask Joey if he still has his old one." A thought seemed to occur to her, and her mercurial expression changed as quickly as her brother's might have to one of faint alarm. "Uh-- do you like Chinese food?" she asked out of the blue.
'Random' seemed to be an area in which the Wheelers in general specialized.
“Sounds like a charming girl really; her parents must have been very proud, assuming she didn’t eat them during holiday break.” They were an odd lot, to Jai’s way of thinking; but ultimately he supposed they had their place. That place was just not in his near area if they were going to irritate him about knowing more about things they actually knew nothing about right to his face.
“You were supposed to wait until college to start making your parents twitch and lie to the neighbors about you?” Oh, well see; that might have been the problem, Jai started doing things that made Doug grumble and Julia shake her head while he was still in high school. He had actually tried to avoid them finding out what he had been up to in college, because frankly the years prior had been enough of a strain on them. “Rebelling is a little different when you can’t do stereotypes though, or you’d do them a little too well for your own good.” Yeah, that did nothing to stop him from dying his hair constantly, but being that pale in high school ended a person up labeled a certain way regardless; because Jai did not do bright colors aside from his hair, no.
From where he was perched his gaze tipped to the book while she spoke and he offered with a hint of cynical humor; “I’m pretty sure the Christians stole the Easter Bunny from the Pagans in the first place; and you’re right, it’s really not. And don‘t say X-Files too loudly, those words have this bizarre power to wake Duke up out of a dead sleep and get him looking around like a hopeful puppy.”
When the conversation shifted once more Jai was reminded that he had picked up the habit of just following the changes from being around Duke so much and having to entertain ten different ideas at once when they just kept bouncing from one to the other; so at least it was a smooth transition.
“Reacting isn’t unsafe in itself. Even the simplest animal knows how to react, and it usually saves them from trouble. People aren’t that different; not reacting is what gets you, sometimes you don’t have time to think until the smoke clears some.” Jai was more the type to think before he jumped, but that hardly meant he had not taken a few blind leaps too when the situation had him cornered; sometimes instinct was the best part of yourself to rely on. “It’s just not easy to judge when you need to think and when you need to listen to your instincts; but that’s not just you, we’re all made like that.”
“And I’d advise a shovel, actually; wider surface space and it is metal. Plus it’s useful two ways, smacking somebody upside the head and stabbing them with the pointy end of it.” Jai offered, sounding perfectly serious but he also could not help but look just a bit amused. “Golf clubs are probably good too; might break too easy but you know it has to hurt getting hit with one of those, I doubt he’d get back up from that one for a while.”
The next shift was almost too sudden and left Jai blinking; “What? Yeah, mostly. Was that just one of those random mental twinges or do I need to worry about hiding the sharp objects in case of sudden mental lapses?”
That sock was going to need replacing if she made the hole in it any bigger; it seemed to be a nervous habit. "Just from Joey, maybe... and, uh, I think he and Tristan're planning on bringing Chinese takeout over this evening." Serenity looked suitably guilty at dropping that little bombshell. "Should've checked with you first, I know, I just-- they know I'm here," she explained, "and they're coming to see one way or another and this way we'll all get fed. It's sort of practical, or it would be if I had asked first, I guess." Threads parted beneath the picking of two fingernails with the tiniest of ripping sounds, and abruptly the end of an entire toe was exposed; the redhead looked at it ruefully. "Reacting again; I want to see them both too, so I'll know they're actually safe and not-- that he--" She hesitated; the sock tore a little more as shadows darkened her eyes again.
Fingers tightened a last time and then deliberately loosened; the redhead on Jai's couch carefully tucked her hands beneath her knees to avoid further temptation. "I think I need to buy a shovel," Serenity muttered, looking away.
Pause.
"...anyway, they'll be here at seven with dinner." False cheerfulness back in her voice, Joey's sister hiked one shoulder slightly in a another shrug. "I figured that they'd show up no matter what; would you rather they didn't bring Chinese?"
Jai did a fair job of hiding the twitch that crept over him upon hearing those words; his apartment was not a community center last time he checked though it was fast turning into one. Well, with Duke hiding out in the bedroom under the innocence guise of sleep and a stressed young woman shredding as a nervous habit there really was not simple way to disagree to that idea, was there? Though, yes, it would have been nice to have been informed beforehand so he could have gotten his territorial tensing over and done with prior to anyone being there for him to obscure it from.
“If Joey picks up anything sharp in my apartment he’s going out to stay on the balcony,” Jai replied evenly and pointed in the direction of the glass doors at the far side of the room, “I’ve seen him walk, and walk into things; he’s not even allowed to have a fork anywhere in here if he‘s going to be in a bad mood.” There was a hint of humor to it, but it was dry and pointed; bloodstains were a pain to scrub out of wood floors or his red (he was still going to argue to the death that it was red) couch.
“I think you need to buy a machete, but don’t hold me to that because I don’t want to end up being called as an accomplice to murder if it comes to that. Unless of course I actually get to be one.” Okay, that was more humor, with his usual cynical bite; but overall Jai knew nothing about the man in question but he knew the type. It was the same type that made Ly’s life a misery, and they were a vile and underhanded lot; and that was saying something coming from him and his open outlook on ’good’ and ’evil’ in the world.
Jai eyed that torn sock but he did little to point out that it might have been a good time to stop it, Serenity was a bright enough person to know that; and he recognized a nervous tick when he saw one from having a few of his own. “Yeah, I figured it was less a point of asking then it was of telling; but they probably can’t do much more damage around here than the dog, or me; right?” He only sounded faintly convinced of the fact, but it was at least a vague offering of faith in the idea; vague was how the whole situation felt to him at the time anyway.
If the look on the young woman's face was any indication, the idea of her brother being put out onto the balcony with the figurative label of BAD DOG was more that a little on the funny side; "No forks," she said firmly. "Chopsticks. If he whines about wanting a fork, tough. ...Jai? Thanks for being so good about this-- kinda like having the Huns show up in your living room, huh? Except I don't think they'd've brought dinner."
A moment later one side of her mouth quirked again as she added, "And I promise not to ask you to help me murder St-- my ex. Even if he deserves it." Serenity hesitated; then: "Steven. Saying his name won't make him a bigger threat, that's stupid, it just feels like it will." She actually laughed a little then, just a breath of it; not the sound of someone whose mental state was the most steady in the world, but better than before at least. "Maybe I should've slapped him back while I had the chance. Might've done the bastard some good, might've done me a LOT of good. He broke my room-mate's arm, you know? And three fingers on my right hand, and fractured my wrist. I don't like violent solutions but... that shovel's sounding better and better all the time."
One eyebrow went up, and the quirk became a real smile, better than the fake brightness earlier. "Bet it'd be easier to find a shovel in the city than a machete-- I could pick one up at that Ace Hardware over on Third," she suggested with a glint in her eye.
Not entirely steady, no, but working on it. Sometimes action, even fantasized action without the least intent of follow-through, helped; like giving a life-reserver to an exhausted swimmer.
While Joey did not strike him as near to Attila or the like, Tristan; well, it would have been a lie to say Jai’s mind did not stray for a just a fleeting second towards thoughts of a shaggy horse barreling over the snow rider complete with horned helmet and waving a spear , but he really wanted to shake his head at himself for that one. Last he knew Tristan’s horse was the chrome and two wheels with an engine; the cross-blend of that thinking did amuse him though. It was also the sort of strange idea that kept him company in those long and boring sleepless hours; he might have been just a little warped anymore.
But back to the real world, and the tip in conversation to than less comical net of words; though it snared him just as fully.
“It couldn’t have hurt, or it could have hurt; which would have been a good argument for doing it,” Jai offered back; he was, actually, a fan of treating aggression with just the same and especially in the case of those who had lost the basic respect everybody should have. Not the type that had to be earned, simply the type that had to exist to remind people that others were just as flawed and human as themselves.
He was cynical and at times brash with his words but it took a hard press on him to force Jai into physical violence because frankly he was raised better than that.
He never made a point to discriminate between genders, or to pull too many verbal punches because more often than not the females were the ones that came closer to besting him in that area than males; but it was a raw nerve hearing of actual violence.
He offered only the faintest narrow of his burgundy hued eyes behind the vague glint of light across his glasses; but his voice coiled stiff and pointed like a lash, though not directed at her. “Yeah, I know those types, unfortunately. Or at least one, I’ve never been of the opinion that there’s much difference in good and bad in the world until I met him, and I’m still not; some people just take advantage of the human ability to be useless and vile . Or at least met the cowardly side that liked to try to knock one of my friends around, until she ended up with some pretty nasty scars and I got a few broke ribs out of it; for her sake I’m not above being selfishly hopeful every day that he'll get hit by a bus.”
And there was not any humor in that; only flat and distanced resolve.
It really was too bad the legal system put people away for murder, in some cases he could honestly see how it might have been justified.
Though Serenity’s approach at humor in the situation was clearly her way of dealing with it; so he entertained it aside from those less than forgiving notions about people like Steven and Tyrone.
“You’ll probably want one of the ones with the wooden handles, I’m guessing the aluminum handles would bend too easy; and if the wooden one breaks you can always just resort to staking the guy,” he paused before the rest of the words came as an afterthought; “I think that works better on vampires than bastards, but you never know; it couldn’t hurt to try.”
An eyebrow rose again; Serenity had a tendency to talk with her expressions nearly as much as her mouth, apparently. "Vampires. Yeah, well, six of one, half a--"
"Nyow?"
Bear chose this moment to wander out from beneath the couch again and stretch his thin vaguely-stripy length in front of them both, claws digging into the carpet. "Mmrw?" he asked, the stretch turning into a sideways loll that had him waving tufted whitish paws in the air as if climbing it. "Mmmmrrr. Moww?"
His keeper shook her head. "You make the weirdest noises, brat-cat, you know that? 'Moww' to you too." Uncrossing her ankles, the redhead leaned down and tickled her pet's belly, bent almost double in order to touch, red hair making a temporary curtain around the faces of cat and human.
The break in conversation fell at a good moment; when she sat back up, Joey Wheeler's sister gave her host a thoughtful look. "So. Shovel, check, soon as I get a little less freaked out about the whole deal. I still can't believe I'm back in the city, it's been so long..." Her eyes strayed to the balcony, more than a little wistful. "I've got a lot of loose ends to pick up here; couple I ought to deal with back in Connecticut too. Uh-- were you-- I mean, what-- you must've had some plans for today, work or something, right?" Which I've managed to really screw up came through pretty clearly; reaching out to where Duke had stashed her backpack at the near end of the couch, she tugged a strap. "'ve got my laptop with me; guess I could take care of emails, do some job and apartment-hunting... I'll keep out of your hair."
"Mmraow."
She looked down at the carpet again, smiling involuntarily; it seemed a little easier to do now. "We both will. Can't sit around and angst about stupid-ass bad decisions, can I? Though... might want to change my socks, I guess." Ruefully Serenity reached down, tugged off her mismatched socks and wadded them up in one hand; bare toes flexed against the pile. "Coping mechanism," she muttered.
“I can go into work later, I don’t really have a set time to be there unless I’m doing something specific.” Jai muttered; distracted by the coil of feline that was rolling on the carpet and making use of the spot in the midst of all the conversation to make himself known. Cats were an odd species of creature; he had yet to find two alike in personality and they ranged a bit more complicated than the canine variety of life. That much was rather apparent given the fact that Lucifer had only rolled over once the entire conversation and then had wandered off to the bedroom to no doubt accost at least half the bed away from Duke.
And really whatever plans he might have been pulling together for the day had fallen to wayside now, with everything else unfolding around him Jai knew it was better to just go with things and see where they left him once it was all said and done.
“Well, you could; but I doubt it would be very productive. It would get expensive though with all the socks you’d end up maiming.” There were some strange ways of dealing with stress; personally he had a tendency to practice odd rituals and stare irritated at his own reflection as though might actually help.
The redhead beside him considered both his comments and the wad of socks in her hands. "I'd like that; I mean, being able to set my own schedule. When you teach, you go by the class schedule; and if it doesn't suit the rest of your life, tough, you're just shit out've-- I mean," and she flushed a little, "you have to deal with it. I don't care, schedules and all, they're fine... but I'm starting to think maybe it's time to look around, find something else." Serenity reached out and deliberately dropped the socks on top of Bear; the kitten swiped one out of mid-fall, curling around and biting deep into the knit with the ferocity small furry things so often display.
"That's what happens to most of my socks," she added wryly. "He eats them, drags 'em away and tears big chunks off. Steals hair-ties, too; he got one've Joey's when he visited me a couple've months ago." The young woman reached down and scratched her kitten's head; Bear mock-growled, rolling over into a crouch and skittering crabwise until he ran into Jai's feet. He flopped his unevenly-striped length down quite deliberately across them, claws and teeth still buried in the sock. Coppery eyes gleamed up at Jai as he squirmed sideways and kicked at his prize, shaking it like a much bigger feline would one of the city's rodent population after a long, hard fight: MINE! RAWR!
“I only get that option because I’m usually working constantly instead of taking time off, if I actually had set hours I wouldn’t get half of what I needed to finish done. I can’t sleep at four in the morning, get bored sitting around here and go to work; instead of the horrifying thought of having an actual social life.” With an eased effort he flexed his shoulders back and gave the stiff muscles time to slide and settle themselves back into place amid the pins there; more and more of a distraction lately, but so was conversation. “That’s the good thing about a job though, if you don’t want it anymore then you leave and go somewhere else. Or get fired, I wouldn’t advise it; but that’s always the way I went, destroy my chances of going back, burning bridges with a nice, big cynical torch. All of that, but I have to get my amusement in somewhere. If you’re thinking you’re ready to do something else then you are.”
His eyes dropped to the ground and the mass of bounding feline rolling across his feet, reaching down and scoping up cat, sock and all in one swift motion, tangling the two in the process and using the tips of his fingers to free the tangled fabric from tiny paws all wrapped up in the strands. Regarding Bear with quiet contemplation, Jai settled the cat back onto the ground after a moment to let it go back to scurrying across the floor once his curiosity was satisfied.
“Duke’s cats have split views on me being around, one of them tries to climb my ankle and the other one sits and spits curses at me from the corner of his closet, stealing socks seems normal compared to that. At least he’s friendly, claws are sharp.” Bear was a cute little cat too, in that stumbling, sweet kitten sort of way; it never ceased to amaze Jai the sheer amount of personality animals showed and it was far more than some people he had run across at times.
“Didn’t you have another cat though,” Jai offered the question because he recalled that meeting and the oddity of it at that store where Lucifer had gotten his leather and stars collar and he had been handed a number he never had gotten around to reasoning for calling and was obsolete now he was sure.
Diverted for a moment, Serenity nodded; she made a long arm to pull her backpack across the floor to the couch, rummaging through a pocket and producing a folded photo that looked as if it might have come out of a frame. "Miw," she said, and laughed; "That wasn't a cat noise, just a, uh, cat name. Which is... kind of a cat noise, yeah. You met her that one time in the pet store, right; she's with Tristan and Joey now aaaaand she seems to have some sort've weird sisterhood thing going on with his guinea pig. Can't break up a rodent-feline friendship, can I? So I guess she's staying with him, standing up for Species Equality or something like that." The elegant curl of cat in the photo was a far cry from the sock-shredding stray she had picked up, but...
("MMrwl? came from the backpack as determined claws slipped on ripstop nylon)
...but that didn't have to be a bad thing. Miw was happy; so was Bear. That was enough for Serenity.
A little restlessly she rummaged around in the side-pocket again; she had a tendency to keep odd objects there, things she picked up while out walking: a Park Services brochure from Connecticut, a feather she'd found tucked in the grass beside the Jotteson's back door, a bit of shiny pinkish quartz she had picked up from the creek-bottom when her brother had visited... Serenity took out the pebble and turned it over aimlessly in her fingers, thinking. "I miss Miw. It's not so bad since she's with Joey and Tristan, but she was the first cat I ever had as my own, y'know? Wonder if she'd even remember me? It's been a long time, most of her life. Best thing I can do for her is wish her well and let her go."
“Yeah, her; she tried to beat up my dog,” Jai recalled the way the tiny feline had reared and stood her ground against the lumber bulk of hound that made of Lucifer; at the time he had found it just as entertaining as the memory was to remember then. Not that Lucifer was the boldest dog, but it was probably closer to comical that a kitten had almost sent him running except that he had to put that wide muzzle right into the middle of everything and have a good long look for himself. “But so does Duke’s rabbit,” Jai added.
Listening to Serenity talk about the cat made him think it was less totally about some feline and more about life, all of it around her and the broken ties. It was easy to nudge those feelings and attachments onto animals, even he did it with his dog at times half out of habit from growing up with Julia’s pets, and he could have echoed the redhead’s sentiment about letting go and moving on to leave others to what was best.
How many times had he done that, and how much had it hurt in a silent sort of way Jai tried not to speak about, much less allow distract him; a few chapters of life had been written off by him that way.
“You remember her, that’s about as good as things realistically get sometimes.” He watched her, having little left to offer in that much because in retrospect he had learned that was not the best idea in some situations; but Jai knew just as strongly that it wasn’t a point about himself he was going to change. Maybe for her it was the same, dealing with the chaos by self reassurance that some things were simply for the best.
It seemed like a huge amount of introspective debate over a cat, he had that problem; and the more Jai devoted his energy to thinking and nudging the conversation from time to time the more space it gave Serenity to do most of the talking instead while she was still at the point of distraction being a better comfort than anything he could have actually said in return.
He did not know the right words, not for her; and if there was any silver lining to all those clouds she was bound to come out of it stronger for finding it on her terms.
Maybe she understood that, too, or some of it at least; all she gave him in return was a nod, and when Bear at last managed to scramble up the backpack, she hugged him to her in silence.
By the time Joey and Tristan arrived, Duke was still sleeping, though no one had to bother with waking him up - Lucifer's back paw knocking hard into thigh did that well enough. As the dog walked off of the bed and out to investigate who had arrived. Duke was slow in getting up, rubbed his eyes and tried to wake up before finally pulling himself out of bed. When he saw just what time it was he nearly panicked - he'd really been sleeping that long? - but familiar voices drew him into Jai's living room to investigate just as Lucifer had.
Not having eaten since breakfast, the smell of the food that his friends had brought into the apartment was quite appealing to Duke. At the same time he was a little wary, just because he knew Jai generally didn't like too many people in his apartment. Duke half concentrated on eating and half concentrated on Jai's mood, making a silent promise to himself that he'd make Jai feel more at ease after everyone left. Now that everyone was here though, there would hopefully be a decision made about where Serenity would be able to stay, which would make Duke feel much more at ease himself than he'd been since the evening before.
As far as Jai really knew there was very little he could throw into the idea of how to resolve Serenity’s problems; he was a midpoint of convenience in it all and was as aware of that as he was fine with the assumption. It had become something of his problem as well once he had been pulled into the scope of things; but he was hardly one of the forefronts there and knew it better left to the people who were. Sometimes it was less a point of being the ‘hero’ when he was perfectly content to work from the background doing the smaller details.
Like trying to convince himself that he could fully stand people in his apartment; an uneasy idea but Jai had tried to settle it with himself as much as possible.
He was just less than talkative, hardly a surprise; but with Tristan and Joey there his own cynical bite to subjects was hardly something dire, only a nudge at times. Along with that threat, joking or not it still was one, regarding Joey and the balcony porch he had mentioned to Serenity earlier.
And another, similar, to Tristan; mostly for good measure and to keep things all nice and fair.
It was another exercise in observation for him; another chance to see newer facets of Tristan, Joey, and even Serenity as the conversation unfolded with his voice only a sidebar at times. It was as much as matter of sticking to that principle as anything else; he still believed that with the support to back her up Serenity was perfectly capable of the resolution herself, and really Jai wanted to see her come to it without having to be shoved in that direction.
From the moment Tristan arrived at the unfamiliar apartment complex, he felt a strange disassociation that could have been vertigo if it tried hard enough, but wasn't. There was a dreamlike detachment as his body strained out the tag ends of his first adrenaline rush and prepared for the second. Serenity was here. The last time he'd seen her...
...He wouldn't think about the last time he'd seen her.
...He couldn't help but think about the last time he'd seen her. What the fuck else did he expect?
...and now how long ago had it been? And after all that time of not seeing Serenity, here she was, somewhere in that building. It felt unreal, and in a shocked sort of detachment Tristan gave the lead over to Joey, reverting to packmule and rearguard.
Joey took the lead from his friend instinctively, sliding into the role of big brother which he'd laid aside for so long. Save for the brief trip to Connecticut, it had been the better part of a year since Joey felt the sharp blade of protective instinct scoring lines in his heart, but as Jai held open his apartment door and Serenity barreled past to slam bodily into her twin, Joey grabbed the doorframe for support with one hand, clutched her tight with his other, and buried himself in that raw feeling. Face buried in the cover of her thick red hair, he fought to bring the feral need to defend and protect her under control and, rather than snarling at the vague miasma of danger which still clung to her, pressed a kiss to her crown instead.
Joey felt Tristan at his back, a warmth added to the fierce glow he couldn't deny. Red - and Joey wanted to apply three different kinds of possessives to that name, one for every claim he and Tristan had on her - was home, back in the city that birthed her, and Joey was damned if he'd see her driven from it a second time. He released the doorjamb and turned, drawing his sister along with him, to open a place for Tristan to slip in. Serenity did the rest.
Tristan didn't come back to himself until after the door swung inward and a slight redhaired form rushed at Joey. Like a goofy sheepdog he waited, tail wagging with slow hope, until Red, his Red, their Red, latched onto Tristan heedless of past mistakes and drew him into the circle.
After the initial explosion of exclamations, disjointed explanations, and an attempt by one rather small woman to simultaneously and rather desperately hug two adult men quite a lot larger than herself (Serenity showed a strong disinclination to let go but hung on, one hand knotted onto Tristan's jacket and the other clutching Joey's, face buried somehow between them both) the bags of Chinese takeout got settled onto the kitchen counter. Talk mingled with the appetizing scents of good food, and if the apartment felt abruptly smaller than before, that wasn't exactly a surprise. Family, crisis and eggrolls took up a lot of room.
The rest of the evening was a bright blur. Even Tristan's anxiety at invading Jai's apartment slid to the backburner (though he did slide a thank-you into the conversation when a break permitted) in lieu of hot food and the reassuring warmth of Joey's twin, once more slipped into her rightful - and until now empty - place in the arc. He was stupid for being scared of her. Maybe he'd have a reason some other time, maybe he'd gotten lucky and gotten a pass because of the circumstances, but the truest reality was her genuine gladness to see him, and his relieved joy at her presence.
He was amiably quiet, happy to eat and listen to the others' conversation flow around him - though of course he traded a few jibes with Jai. Fair was fair, after all.
Joey, in an attempt to not smother Serenity with nagging attention or worries, hovered around Duke for a large part of the evening, alternately discussing the values of various spicy foods and what constituted a "classic" game for the XBox. Because he and Tristan had paid for it, he had no qualms about eating just as much as he desired, and garnered more than a few jibes from his sister about his porkish habits... jibes which he easily turned back on her with a simple nod toward her own plate. Through it all Joey remained quietly and happily aware of both Jai and Tristan, warmed with gratitude for each of them in starkly different ways.
The take-out containers were down to the dregs of sauce and the last Crab Rangoon had vanished mysteriously (along with Bear, who had spent the entire evening eyeballing the humans' plates and whining shamelessly for scraps; he approved of Chinese); and conversation in Jai's somewhat overfull apartment had segued beyond explanations and plans for the future into quiet and what passed for contentment at the moment. Even Serenity's somewhat guilty narrative of the call she had reluctantly made earlier to her and Joey's parents ('Hi Mom, hi Dad, just wanted t'let you know I'm, well, back in the city... Sorry I missed you and no I'm not at Joey and Tristan's, I'll explain later, love you and I'll call again soon's I can, Bye--" Beeeep!) hadn't been enough to dampen things more than a little.
There were shadows still in the young woman's eyes; but there were fewer than there had been that morning. And if she occasionally just sat still and looked at the people around her with a profound sense of unreality, that was to be expected-- you didn't turn your world upside down (again) without experiencing a little vertigo, a little displacement.
Or a lot, for that matter. The shadows wouldn't go away in an evening, a week, a month...
Half-asleep from too much Princess Beef and thirds on the eggrolls, Serenity closed her eyes and listened as she leaned back on the orange/red couch between her two brothers; listened to Duke and Joey's laughter, to Tristan's occasional quiet-voiced comments, to Jai's self-contained silence. From beneath the couch came a faint crunching sound, and she could just make out Lucifer's tail whapping against the carpet from where he lay with his head resting heavy across his owner's feet. Good sounds. To her sleepy mind they blended together into the kind of noise you got when you held a shell to your ear; only this shell was home, and the sound was the first real note of peace that she'd heard in more than a year.
Drowsily Serenity tried to open her eyes; no good, she was warm and full and safe. Somewhere inside, a door closed; somewhere inside, a chapter ended.
No, the shadows weren't gone. Their source was still somewhere out there, vicious and wanting and arrogant enough that he'd torn her world apart three times over now. They had unfinished business; and Serenity had no illusions about Steven Gant's unwillingness to let his obsession go. He hadn't gone away exactly himself, had he? Not really, and he wouldn't just politely vanish now that he'd made her run again. At least she'd bought herself some space-- what was it Jai had said? Sometimes you don’t have time to think until the smoke clears.
Not just space, then, but a little time as well, maybe; to work things out and bring them to a conclusion at last, one way or another.
The sounds around her were fading out. Comforted on a level so deep it went beyond memory and words, Serenity smiled at the warmth of Tristan on one side and Joey on the other: tangible and real. And just barely audible, Duke's voice and Jai's too, answering some question about... she wasn't sure; it was just too damn hard to stay awake.
There were choices to make and plans to decide on, but later. Now, secure at last, Serenity drifted off to sleep.
* * *
Duke felt guilty for leaving Serenity and Jai alone together, but hopefully Jai would be able to make Serenity relax a little more. They were safe now, after all; if Steven had followed them, he definitely wouldn't think to look here.
With a sigh, Duke pushed himself up from the couch in order to stand, and briefly curled his arms around Jai's neck as if to silently show him just how grateful he was for all of this, before speaking. "Wake me up in a couple hours to make lunch, okay?" He turned to Serenity after that, and offered, "Didn't really plan on doing this to you but... I'm really tired. If he gives you any trouble though, you have my permission to slap him again." He smiled, at both of them, before walking around Jai toward the bedroom. On the way he accidentally bumped something small off of Jai's coffee table, but his thoughts were so fixated on bed that he couldn't bring himself to stop and pick up whatever it was.
One of several religious and occult books that had been stacked on the table now was flat on the ground: Duke's copy of The Satanic Bible that he'd left at the apartment last weekend. At his own apartment he made precautions to hide all of his books and his ritual items, but he'd never felt the need to hide anything at Jai's apartment. When he'd asked Jai if he and Serenity could come over, he'd been so stressed about the situation that he hadn't bothered to even consider his occult books being left out in the open. Oblivious, Duke curled up in Jai's bed and fell asleep just moments after he reclined, content to shut out the world for a little while.
Back in the living room, a confrontation was underway. "Rrrrr--!" announced Bear warningly from beneath the couch at the dog-nose that poked cautiously at him. And there's more where that came from, buddy, so you just watch it, added his bushed-up tail as he skittered backwards into the furthest reaches of his hideout.
Serenity had pulled her knees up and was hanging half off, peering upside-down after her charge with her own tied-off tail of hair brushing the wood floor; her sneakers lay on the floor-- she hadn't wanted to scuff the couch. "He's not usually this cranky," she muttered in chagrin, settling back up and rubbing at her eyes with one hand. Beside her legs Lucifer shuffled himself down to watch, ears set at a hopeful cant. "Guess he's tired too."
Looking around, the redhead took in her surroundings with a little more awareness than she had earlier. "Nice place you've got here," she commented, eyes tracing the lines of the set of shelves that divided the room from the rest of the apartment. Her gaze drifted back towards the red-orange fabric of the cushions she sat on, and one side of her mouth quirked up. "I like your couch; nice color. I remember," and she brushed her hair back into place absentmindedly, "Duke said something a while back in a letter when you moved in here-- he was really excited. Think he helped you paint, didn't he?" Serenity knew enough about Jai to be aware that home decor wasn't exactly his abiding interest, but in her current state of mind distraction of any sort was to be valued.
It was better than thinking about why she was there in the first place, after all.
“Well he usually is that dense, so I’m guessing he’ll get a few claws to the nose before he figures out annoying the cat is a bad idea.” Jai offered about the dog as he paused to scoop the book up before Lucifer got any brilliant ideas about chewing on it, he never put anything past the weirdly random mutt. And he was only half paying attention to the conversation while he dropped it back onto the table; usually Duke kept up with his possessions a little better than that and it was just another indication of how tired he must have been. Troublesome, yes; but hopefully Duke would have some time to sleep it off now, assuming the four-legged creatures having a standoff in the room could keep from growing too noisy.
And once the conversation had turned to something more mundane Jai just let it flow that way; there was something needlessly cruel about forcing anything too stressful on Serenity when she already looked so weary.
“Eh, thanks;” Jai muttered with little else to say until he gathered something of use, “Duke and I have a running argument over just exactly what color that couch is; red or orange. I doubt it’s going to resolve anytime soon, we’re both too stubborn.”
Jai ventured close enough to the couch to push the books over more and sit down on the edge of it, easier to face her to talk that way but it still gave him a degree of physical distance too and that was mostly for his own comfort zones. “Yeah, he helped me paint the walls and part of my hair, don’t let Duke kid you; he’s dangerous with a paint roller.”
The young woman eyed the hair in question, fighting back a small involuntary grin that wanted to break out; it was short-lived but there, at least. "Okay, that... had to've been an interesting look; Duke with any kind of manual labor thing is kind of-- well, I can't see that as one of his strong points. Think somebody said something once about his being 'subject to fits of enthusiasm', though... he really likes being helpful." Her eyes strayed to the stack of books and lingered there, widening slightly as she took in the titles on the spines. "He really got me out of a tight place last night. If he hadn't been in when I called, I'd probably be in a hotel somewhere, waiting to see if I'd been followed." Serenity made a face. "Or I'd've done something really stupid, like gone to my parents' place in a cab; NOT have been one of my better ideas."
There was a sudden scrabble of claws at one corner of the couch; in one of those improbable moves that kittens are prone to, Bear forced his small body up through the gap where furniture met wall and clambered onto the back, fur askew and tail bushed out. "Naooow? Mrrowow?" he asked his keeper, winding along behind her head and shoulders; and "Rrrrrr!" he added darkly, peering down towards the dog on the floor. The keeper in question sighed, reaching. "Don't look at me; if you'd settle down somewhere and stop trying to hide, maybe you wouldn't be so freaked out," answered Serenity as she scooped the feline into her lap. After a second she made a small sound that might have been a laugh. "Uh... good advice much? I ought to listen to myself more, maybe?" She stroked her cat restlessly; he attempted to maul her fingers in a friendly kind of way.
“Fits of enthusiasm, yeah; that’s a good term for his random desire to stick his nose right into the middle of things and see what all he can do;” Jai mused, the change in Serenity’s gaze for that brief instant registered but he did little to acknowledge it because he was used to a fleeting strange look over such matters and people had a habit of addressing things on their own, leading sometimes made things awkward and uneasy. “I think it also translates to three in the morning phone calls whenever some weird dream hits him, or dragging people grumbling out to some new restaurant when he wants; Duke’s really good with the enthusiasm. Not so bad at times, good to get yourself kicked every so often to keep out of a rut, but also good for wanting to strangle someone at times too.”
But that was how relationships went, right? Good and bad and mostly it was just messy and in transition day to day; be it a romantic connection or a friendly one.
Taking a moment to weigh her words, and the situation; distracted by the launch of fluff and claws that was Bear, Jai finally spoke again but only after he had given it some consideration. “He’s also really good at being where people need him to be, even if they don‘t want it at first.” Duke was a loyal friend, there was no doubt in that, maybe too much so at times and it was bound to get him hurt sooner or later but there was no changing that either. As much as it troubled him it was more troublesome to think of that as being lost.
“And settling, I don’t know; I’m the worst person to talk to about that. Being here, in the city, is as long as I’ve been much of anywhere in as long as I can remember; really my advice is a little like asking a wolf to guard your sheep, scares off everything else bad at first but bound to get ugly if you let it go on for too long. You’re better off listening to yourself anyway, only way to be able to stand your choices later on after it works out or falls apart.” Jai would have shrugged, but he felt restless too; had not expected to be having a conversation in his living room with a wayward young woman who was in serious trouble. Trying his best still felt like baring his teeth, but that was just his nature, and at least he kept the barbs down some.
The young woman with the cat in her lap hitched one shoulder up in a lopsided shrug. "Maybe I need to ask a wolf for a change," she muttered almost to herself, looking away. "For advice, I mean; maybe 'ugly' isn't such a bad idea. Trying to be a nice, safe sheep hasn't gotten me very far, has it? Just to Connecticut and back, with a year and a half've wasted time." A paw batted at one of Serenity's tendrils of red hair, and she hugged her charge tightly enough to force out a somewhat squashed "Mwrrrf!" Serenity stroked the stripy fur in apology, but Bear squirmed lose and leaped down to slink back beneath the couch again. "Time I made some better choices, I guess." She gave him an almost-smile before allowing her end of the conversation to lag into silence for a moment.
The books on the coffee table caught her eye, and the young woman studied the titles for a few seconds before picking up the one that had fallen onto the floor and adding it back to the pile. "I knew a girl back in college who used to read a lot of this stuff," she commented thoughtfully, leaning back and tucking one foot beneath her knee. "I never knew if she was seriously into it or just-- y'know, trying for shock value...? It was college." The open-ended question was idle enough, but there was real curiosity there depending on how Jai wanted to take it.
“I doubt it counts as wasted, things happened; it wasn’t stagnant; that doesn’t count as wasted time unless you’re going out of your way to do nothing.” Jai mused; there had been more than a few times in life when it had felt like a standing pace, only to find out later on a moment to catch his breath had made a big difference later on. But Serenity was right in it being beyond that now; he was not going to tell her that lingering over things that had to be done was the answer anymore, or that it was likely going to be easy.
What in life honestly was easy? Nothing worth the effort in the end; that was why people had the ability to bounce back from the worst, it was more likely than finding best at every crossroad.
“As long as you’re making choices period there probably isn’t too much better or worse to it depending on which side you’re watching and when you’re looking back.”
Jai hardy knew what to say in the first place, he really did not know Serenity all too well; and time had written subtle differences over her since that time. And to be fair over him as well, sometimes more damage than good could be done by trying to lead a person in the dark when you barely had a candle left yourself.
He did little to hold back the flat look at her evaluation of the books, and how it was college, the girl she had decided to mention, since his own practices had begun at that point. The downside was, unfortunately, there was that side of the situation that people did just use for shock value.
While he was guarded for Duke’s sake for his own he held little reservation; it was not a choice he had made lightly of even if it had been in college.
“Well, unfortunately some things come with shock value regardless; even if that wasn’t the intention. People can abuse any idea, and make it that much more difficult to be taken seriously; especially things that shouldn’t be taken for shock value.” He could have been defensive, he was to a degree; but there was a delicate sort of balance to those type of conversations that could just add to the negative if curiosity was short down roughly.
Jai reached over and snagged one of the books, toying with it for a moment as he weighed the options of shrugged aside the conversation; but that never amounted to any sort of understanding, and there was nothing about his beliefs he felt were wrong or reason to hide.
“People who draw black circles around their eyes, dye their hair neon green, carve pentagrams in their foreheads and go around screaming ‘Hail Satan’; frankly annoy even me. Makes you wish it actually worked that way so somebody would put them out of the world’s misery and drag them off to some dark pit of…what…hell? Technicalities I guess.” His humor was admittedly dark, venomous; but making light of religious beliefs, his own or otherwise; was something Jai had been raised better than to just accept without fitful anger over the mockery. And with some people who lived for the shock value, mockery was exactly the religion they practiced.
At that answer, the almost-smile flickered again for half a second. "Replace the green hair with black, put the pentagram on her arm-- really bad ballpoint-pen tattoo job-- and you just nailed her perfectly. She used to call herself 'Golgotha' and wore tons of jewelry with batwings and upside-down crosses, but really I think she was sort of doing the religion-as-a-fashion-statement thing. You know, you're away from home in a dorm for the first time and it's like somebody gives you a license to rebel?" The young woman shrugged. "Me, I drank too much; 'Golgotha' broke out in a tacky Hot Topics wardrobe and fake fingernails."
The couch creaked softly in a chuff of sofa-cushions as Serenity tucked her other foot up, cross-legged; "I don't know much about religion of any kind, really," she added matter-of-factly. "Me and Joey, our parents didn't push it all that much. Tristan's, they did a bit, but... gently, you know? Catholic; and they raised us as much or more than our own did. That stuff--" (and she reached across to tap the topmost book) "--it probably isn't all Rosemary's Baby and X-Files any more than Christianity's all the Easter Bunny or televangelist crap either, hm?"
One hand fidgeted with her sock-clad toes; the sock in question had a small hole in it, and the redhead unconsciously picked at it a bit with one finger as her expression fell a little. "And... what you said about 'wasted'... no. You're right; it wasn't wasted, I met some good people and I got what I needed: some time without Steven breathing down my neck. Duke met some of them too when he came out to visit me. It's just-- looking back, it felt like running in place, not going anywhere." She grimaced. "But I damn sure ran fast enough when somebody lit a fire under my ass, didn't I?" There was a lurking note of anger in the last, directed far more at herself than at anybody else. "I need to stop just reacting to crap. I'm trying."
A little of her former spirit showed at last as Serenity concluded: "And the first things I'm gonna buy now that I'm back are some mace and a baseball bat. Just in case he finds me, y'know? I'll have to ask Joey if he still has his old one." A thought seemed to occur to her, and her mercurial expression changed as quickly as her brother's might have to one of faint alarm. "Uh-- do you like Chinese food?" she asked out of the blue.
'Random' seemed to be an area in which the Wheelers in general specialized.
“Sounds like a charming girl really; her parents must have been very proud, assuming she didn’t eat them during holiday break.” They were an odd lot, to Jai’s way of thinking; but ultimately he supposed they had their place. That place was just not in his near area if they were going to irritate him about knowing more about things they actually knew nothing about right to his face.
“You were supposed to wait until college to start making your parents twitch and lie to the neighbors about you?” Oh, well see; that might have been the problem, Jai started doing things that made Doug grumble and Julia shake her head while he was still in high school. He had actually tried to avoid them finding out what he had been up to in college, because frankly the years prior had been enough of a strain on them. “Rebelling is a little different when you can’t do stereotypes though, or you’d do them a little too well for your own good.” Yeah, that did nothing to stop him from dying his hair constantly, but being that pale in high school ended a person up labeled a certain way regardless; because Jai did not do bright colors aside from his hair, no.
From where he was perched his gaze tipped to the book while she spoke and he offered with a hint of cynical humor; “I’m pretty sure the Christians stole the Easter Bunny from the Pagans in the first place; and you’re right, it’s really not. And don‘t say X-Files too loudly, those words have this bizarre power to wake Duke up out of a dead sleep and get him looking around like a hopeful puppy.”
When the conversation shifted once more Jai was reminded that he had picked up the habit of just following the changes from being around Duke so much and having to entertain ten different ideas at once when they just kept bouncing from one to the other; so at least it was a smooth transition.
“Reacting isn’t unsafe in itself. Even the simplest animal knows how to react, and it usually saves them from trouble. People aren’t that different; not reacting is what gets you, sometimes you don’t have time to think until the smoke clears some.” Jai was more the type to think before he jumped, but that hardly meant he had not taken a few blind leaps too when the situation had him cornered; sometimes instinct was the best part of yourself to rely on. “It’s just not easy to judge when you need to think and when you need to listen to your instincts; but that’s not just you, we’re all made like that.”
“And I’d advise a shovel, actually; wider surface space and it is metal. Plus it’s useful two ways, smacking somebody upside the head and stabbing them with the pointy end of it.” Jai offered, sounding perfectly serious but he also could not help but look just a bit amused. “Golf clubs are probably good too; might break too easy but you know it has to hurt getting hit with one of those, I doubt he’d get back up from that one for a while.”
The next shift was almost too sudden and left Jai blinking; “What? Yeah, mostly. Was that just one of those random mental twinges or do I need to worry about hiding the sharp objects in case of sudden mental lapses?”
That sock was going to need replacing if she made the hole in it any bigger; it seemed to be a nervous habit. "Just from Joey, maybe... and, uh, I think he and Tristan're planning on bringing Chinese takeout over this evening." Serenity looked suitably guilty at dropping that little bombshell. "Should've checked with you first, I know, I just-- they know I'm here," she explained, "and they're coming to see one way or another and this way we'll all get fed. It's sort of practical, or it would be if I had asked first, I guess." Threads parted beneath the picking of two fingernails with the tiniest of ripping sounds, and abruptly the end of an entire toe was exposed; the redhead looked at it ruefully. "Reacting again; I want to see them both too, so I'll know they're actually safe and not-- that he--" She hesitated; the sock tore a little more as shadows darkened her eyes again.
Fingers tightened a last time and then deliberately loosened; the redhead on Jai's couch carefully tucked her hands beneath her knees to avoid further temptation. "I think I need to buy a shovel," Serenity muttered, looking away.
Pause.
"...anyway, they'll be here at seven with dinner." False cheerfulness back in her voice, Joey's sister hiked one shoulder slightly in a another shrug. "I figured that they'd show up no matter what; would you rather they didn't bring Chinese?"
Jai did a fair job of hiding the twitch that crept over him upon hearing those words; his apartment was not a community center last time he checked though it was fast turning into one. Well, with Duke hiding out in the bedroom under the innocence guise of sleep and a stressed young woman shredding as a nervous habit there really was not simple way to disagree to that idea, was there? Though, yes, it would have been nice to have been informed beforehand so he could have gotten his territorial tensing over and done with prior to anyone being there for him to obscure it from.
“If Joey picks up anything sharp in my apartment he’s going out to stay on the balcony,” Jai replied evenly and pointed in the direction of the glass doors at the far side of the room, “I’ve seen him walk, and walk into things; he’s not even allowed to have a fork anywhere in here if he‘s going to be in a bad mood.” There was a hint of humor to it, but it was dry and pointed; bloodstains were a pain to scrub out of wood floors or his red (he was still going to argue to the death that it was red) couch.
“I think you need to buy a machete, but don’t hold me to that because I don’t want to end up being called as an accomplice to murder if it comes to that. Unless of course I actually get to be one.” Okay, that was more humor, with his usual cynical bite; but overall Jai knew nothing about the man in question but he knew the type. It was the same type that made Ly’s life a misery, and they were a vile and underhanded lot; and that was saying something coming from him and his open outlook on ’good’ and ’evil’ in the world.
Jai eyed that torn sock but he did little to point out that it might have been a good time to stop it, Serenity was a bright enough person to know that; and he recognized a nervous tick when he saw one from having a few of his own. “Yeah, I figured it was less a point of asking then it was of telling; but they probably can’t do much more damage around here than the dog, or me; right?” He only sounded faintly convinced of the fact, but it was at least a vague offering of faith in the idea; vague was how the whole situation felt to him at the time anyway.
If the look on the young woman's face was any indication, the idea of her brother being put out onto the balcony with the figurative label of BAD DOG was more that a little on the funny side; "No forks," she said firmly. "Chopsticks. If he whines about wanting a fork, tough. ...Jai? Thanks for being so good about this-- kinda like having the Huns show up in your living room, huh? Except I don't think they'd've brought dinner."
A moment later one side of her mouth quirked again as she added, "And I promise not to ask you to help me murder St-- my ex. Even if he deserves it." Serenity hesitated; then: "Steven. Saying his name won't make him a bigger threat, that's stupid, it just feels like it will." She actually laughed a little then, just a breath of it; not the sound of someone whose mental state was the most steady in the world, but better than before at least. "Maybe I should've slapped him back while I had the chance. Might've done the bastard some good, might've done me a LOT of good. He broke my room-mate's arm, you know? And three fingers on my right hand, and fractured my wrist. I don't like violent solutions but... that shovel's sounding better and better all the time."
One eyebrow went up, and the quirk became a real smile, better than the fake brightness earlier. "Bet it'd be easier to find a shovel in the city than a machete-- I could pick one up at that Ace Hardware over on Third," she suggested with a glint in her eye.
Not entirely steady, no, but working on it. Sometimes action, even fantasized action without the least intent of follow-through, helped; like giving a life-reserver to an exhausted swimmer.
While Joey did not strike him as near to Attila or the like, Tristan; well, it would have been a lie to say Jai’s mind did not stray for a just a fleeting second towards thoughts of a shaggy horse barreling over the snow rider complete with horned helmet and waving a spear , but he really wanted to shake his head at himself for that one. Last he knew Tristan’s horse was the chrome and two wheels with an engine; the cross-blend of that thinking did amuse him though. It was also the sort of strange idea that kept him company in those long and boring sleepless hours; he might have been just a little warped anymore.
But back to the real world, and the tip in conversation to than less comical net of words; though it snared him just as fully.
“It couldn’t have hurt, or it could have hurt; which would have been a good argument for doing it,” Jai offered back; he was, actually, a fan of treating aggression with just the same and especially in the case of those who had lost the basic respect everybody should have. Not the type that had to be earned, simply the type that had to exist to remind people that others were just as flawed and human as themselves.
He was cynical and at times brash with his words but it took a hard press on him to force Jai into physical violence because frankly he was raised better than that.
He never made a point to discriminate between genders, or to pull too many verbal punches because more often than not the females were the ones that came closer to besting him in that area than males; but it was a raw nerve hearing of actual violence.
He offered only the faintest narrow of his burgundy hued eyes behind the vague glint of light across his glasses; but his voice coiled stiff and pointed like a lash, though not directed at her. “Yeah, I know those types, unfortunately. Or at least one, I’ve never been of the opinion that there’s much difference in good and bad in the world until I met him, and I’m still not; some people just take advantage of the human ability to be useless and vile . Or at least met the cowardly side that liked to try to knock one of my friends around, until she ended up with some pretty nasty scars and I got a few broke ribs out of it; for her sake I’m not above being selfishly hopeful every day that he'll get hit by a bus.”
And there was not any humor in that; only flat and distanced resolve.
It really was too bad the legal system put people away for murder, in some cases he could honestly see how it might have been justified.
Though Serenity’s approach at humor in the situation was clearly her way of dealing with it; so he entertained it aside from those less than forgiving notions about people like Steven and Tyrone.
“You’ll probably want one of the ones with the wooden handles, I’m guessing the aluminum handles would bend too easy; and if the wooden one breaks you can always just resort to staking the guy,” he paused before the rest of the words came as an afterthought; “I think that works better on vampires than bastards, but you never know; it couldn’t hurt to try.”
An eyebrow rose again; Serenity had a tendency to talk with her expressions nearly as much as her mouth, apparently. "Vampires. Yeah, well, six of one, half a--"
"Nyow?"
Bear chose this moment to wander out from beneath the couch again and stretch his thin vaguely-stripy length in front of them both, claws digging into the carpet. "Mmrw?" he asked, the stretch turning into a sideways loll that had him waving tufted whitish paws in the air as if climbing it. "Mmmmrrr. Moww?"
His keeper shook her head. "You make the weirdest noises, brat-cat, you know that? 'Moww' to you too." Uncrossing her ankles, the redhead leaned down and tickled her pet's belly, bent almost double in order to touch, red hair making a temporary curtain around the faces of cat and human.
The break in conversation fell at a good moment; when she sat back up, Joey Wheeler's sister gave her host a thoughtful look. "So. Shovel, check, soon as I get a little less freaked out about the whole deal. I still can't believe I'm back in the city, it's been so long..." Her eyes strayed to the balcony, more than a little wistful. "I've got a lot of loose ends to pick up here; couple I ought to deal with back in Connecticut too. Uh-- were you-- I mean, what-- you must've had some plans for today, work or something, right?" Which I've managed to really screw up came through pretty clearly; reaching out to where Duke had stashed her backpack at the near end of the couch, she tugged a strap. "'ve got my laptop with me; guess I could take care of emails, do some job and apartment-hunting... I'll keep out of your hair."
"Mmraow."
She looked down at the carpet again, smiling involuntarily; it seemed a little easier to do now. "We both will. Can't sit around and angst about stupid-ass bad decisions, can I? Though... might want to change my socks, I guess." Ruefully Serenity reached down, tugged off her mismatched socks and wadded them up in one hand; bare toes flexed against the pile. "Coping mechanism," she muttered.
“I can go into work later, I don’t really have a set time to be there unless I’m doing something specific.” Jai muttered; distracted by the coil of feline that was rolling on the carpet and making use of the spot in the midst of all the conversation to make himself known. Cats were an odd species of creature; he had yet to find two alike in personality and they ranged a bit more complicated than the canine variety of life. That much was rather apparent given the fact that Lucifer had only rolled over once the entire conversation and then had wandered off to the bedroom to no doubt accost at least half the bed away from Duke.
And really whatever plans he might have been pulling together for the day had fallen to wayside now, with everything else unfolding around him Jai knew it was better to just go with things and see where they left him once it was all said and done.
“Well, you could; but I doubt it would be very productive. It would get expensive though with all the socks you’d end up maiming.” There were some strange ways of dealing with stress; personally he had a tendency to practice odd rituals and stare irritated at his own reflection as though might actually help.
The redhead beside him considered both his comments and the wad of socks in her hands. "I'd like that; I mean, being able to set my own schedule. When you teach, you go by the class schedule; and if it doesn't suit the rest of your life, tough, you're just shit out've-- I mean," and she flushed a little, "you have to deal with it. I don't care, schedules and all, they're fine... but I'm starting to think maybe it's time to look around, find something else." Serenity reached out and deliberately dropped the socks on top of Bear; the kitten swiped one out of mid-fall, curling around and biting deep into the knit with the ferocity small furry things so often display.
"That's what happens to most of my socks," she added wryly. "He eats them, drags 'em away and tears big chunks off. Steals hair-ties, too; he got one've Joey's when he visited me a couple've months ago." The young woman reached down and scratched her kitten's head; Bear mock-growled, rolling over into a crouch and skittering crabwise until he ran into Jai's feet. He flopped his unevenly-striped length down quite deliberately across them, claws and teeth still buried in the sock. Coppery eyes gleamed up at Jai as he squirmed sideways and kicked at his prize, shaking it like a much bigger feline would one of the city's rodent population after a long, hard fight: MINE! RAWR!
“I only get that option because I’m usually working constantly instead of taking time off, if I actually had set hours I wouldn’t get half of what I needed to finish done. I can’t sleep at four in the morning, get bored sitting around here and go to work; instead of the horrifying thought of having an actual social life.” With an eased effort he flexed his shoulders back and gave the stiff muscles time to slide and settle themselves back into place amid the pins there; more and more of a distraction lately, but so was conversation. “That’s the good thing about a job though, if you don’t want it anymore then you leave and go somewhere else. Or get fired, I wouldn’t advise it; but that’s always the way I went, destroy my chances of going back, burning bridges with a nice, big cynical torch. All of that, but I have to get my amusement in somewhere. If you’re thinking you’re ready to do something else then you are.”
His eyes dropped to the ground and the mass of bounding feline rolling across his feet, reaching down and scoping up cat, sock and all in one swift motion, tangling the two in the process and using the tips of his fingers to free the tangled fabric from tiny paws all wrapped up in the strands. Regarding Bear with quiet contemplation, Jai settled the cat back onto the ground after a moment to let it go back to scurrying across the floor once his curiosity was satisfied.
“Duke’s cats have split views on me being around, one of them tries to climb my ankle and the other one sits and spits curses at me from the corner of his closet, stealing socks seems normal compared to that. At least he’s friendly, claws are sharp.” Bear was a cute little cat too, in that stumbling, sweet kitten sort of way; it never ceased to amaze Jai the sheer amount of personality animals showed and it was far more than some people he had run across at times.
“Didn’t you have another cat though,” Jai offered the question because he recalled that meeting and the oddity of it at that store where Lucifer had gotten his leather and stars collar and he had been handed a number he never had gotten around to reasoning for calling and was obsolete now he was sure.
Diverted for a moment, Serenity nodded; she made a long arm to pull her backpack across the floor to the couch, rummaging through a pocket and producing a folded photo that looked as if it might have come out of a frame. "Miw," she said, and laughed; "That wasn't a cat noise, just a, uh, cat name. Which is... kind of a cat noise, yeah. You met her that one time in the pet store, right; she's with Tristan and Joey now aaaaand she seems to have some sort've weird sisterhood thing going on with his guinea pig. Can't break up a rodent-feline friendship, can I? So I guess she's staying with him, standing up for Species Equality or something like that." The elegant curl of cat in the photo was a far cry from the sock-shredding stray she had picked up, but...
("MMrwl? came from the backpack as determined claws slipped on ripstop nylon)
...but that didn't have to be a bad thing. Miw was happy; so was Bear. That was enough for Serenity.
A little restlessly she rummaged around in the side-pocket again; she had a tendency to keep odd objects there, things she picked up while out walking: a Park Services brochure from Connecticut, a feather she'd found tucked in the grass beside the Jotteson's back door, a bit of shiny pinkish quartz she had picked up from the creek-bottom when her brother had visited... Serenity took out the pebble and turned it over aimlessly in her fingers, thinking. "I miss Miw. It's not so bad since she's with Joey and Tristan, but she was the first cat I ever had as my own, y'know? Wonder if she'd even remember me? It's been a long time, most of her life. Best thing I can do for her is wish her well and let her go."
“Yeah, her; she tried to beat up my dog,” Jai recalled the way the tiny feline had reared and stood her ground against the lumber bulk of hound that made of Lucifer; at the time he had found it just as entertaining as the memory was to remember then. Not that Lucifer was the boldest dog, but it was probably closer to comical that a kitten had almost sent him running except that he had to put that wide muzzle right into the middle of everything and have a good long look for himself. “But so does Duke’s rabbit,” Jai added.
Listening to Serenity talk about the cat made him think it was less totally about some feline and more about life, all of it around her and the broken ties. It was easy to nudge those feelings and attachments onto animals, even he did it with his dog at times half out of habit from growing up with Julia’s pets, and he could have echoed the redhead’s sentiment about letting go and moving on to leave others to what was best.
How many times had he done that, and how much had it hurt in a silent sort of way Jai tried not to speak about, much less allow distract him; a few chapters of life had been written off by him that way.
“You remember her, that’s about as good as things realistically get sometimes.” He watched her, having little left to offer in that much because in retrospect he had learned that was not the best idea in some situations; but Jai knew just as strongly that it wasn’t a point about himself he was going to change. Maybe for her it was the same, dealing with the chaos by self reassurance that some things were simply for the best.
It seemed like a huge amount of introspective debate over a cat, he had that problem; and the more Jai devoted his energy to thinking and nudging the conversation from time to time the more space it gave Serenity to do most of the talking instead while she was still at the point of distraction being a better comfort than anything he could have actually said in return.
He did not know the right words, not for her; and if there was any silver lining to all those clouds she was bound to come out of it stronger for finding it on her terms.
Maybe she understood that, too, or some of it at least; all she gave him in return was a nod, and when Bear at last managed to scramble up the backpack, she hugged him to her in silence.
By the time Joey and Tristan arrived, Duke was still sleeping, though no one had to bother with waking him up - Lucifer's back paw knocking hard into thigh did that well enough. As the dog walked off of the bed and out to investigate who had arrived. Duke was slow in getting up, rubbed his eyes and tried to wake up before finally pulling himself out of bed. When he saw just what time it was he nearly panicked - he'd really been sleeping that long? - but familiar voices drew him into Jai's living room to investigate just as Lucifer had.
Not having eaten since breakfast, the smell of the food that his friends had brought into the apartment was quite appealing to Duke. At the same time he was a little wary, just because he knew Jai generally didn't like too many people in his apartment. Duke half concentrated on eating and half concentrated on Jai's mood, making a silent promise to himself that he'd make Jai feel more at ease after everyone left. Now that everyone was here though, there would hopefully be a decision made about where Serenity would be able to stay, which would make Duke feel much more at ease himself than he'd been since the evening before.
As far as Jai really knew there was very little he could throw into the idea of how to resolve Serenity’s problems; he was a midpoint of convenience in it all and was as aware of that as he was fine with the assumption. It had become something of his problem as well once he had been pulled into the scope of things; but he was hardly one of the forefronts there and knew it better left to the people who were. Sometimes it was less a point of being the ‘hero’ when he was perfectly content to work from the background doing the smaller details.
Like trying to convince himself that he could fully stand people in his apartment; an uneasy idea but Jai had tried to settle it with himself as much as possible.
He was just less than talkative, hardly a surprise; but with Tristan and Joey there his own cynical bite to subjects was hardly something dire, only a nudge at times. Along with that threat, joking or not it still was one, regarding Joey and the balcony porch he had mentioned to Serenity earlier.
And another, similar, to Tristan; mostly for good measure and to keep things all nice and fair.
It was another exercise in observation for him; another chance to see newer facets of Tristan, Joey, and even Serenity as the conversation unfolded with his voice only a sidebar at times. It was as much as matter of sticking to that principle as anything else; he still believed that with the support to back her up Serenity was perfectly capable of the resolution herself, and really Jai wanted to see her come to it without having to be shoved in that direction.
From the moment Tristan arrived at the unfamiliar apartment complex, he felt a strange disassociation that could have been vertigo if it tried hard enough, but wasn't. There was a dreamlike detachment as his body strained out the tag ends of his first adrenaline rush and prepared for the second. Serenity was here. The last time he'd seen her...
...He wouldn't think about the last time he'd seen her.
...He couldn't help but think about the last time he'd seen her. What the fuck else did he expect?
...and now how long ago had it been? And after all that time of not seeing Serenity, here she was, somewhere in that building. It felt unreal, and in a shocked sort of detachment Tristan gave the lead over to Joey, reverting to packmule and rearguard.
Joey took the lead from his friend instinctively, sliding into the role of big brother which he'd laid aside for so long. Save for the brief trip to Connecticut, it had been the better part of a year since Joey felt the sharp blade of protective instinct scoring lines in his heart, but as Jai held open his apartment door and Serenity barreled past to slam bodily into her twin, Joey grabbed the doorframe for support with one hand, clutched her tight with his other, and buried himself in that raw feeling. Face buried in the cover of her thick red hair, he fought to bring the feral need to defend and protect her under control and, rather than snarling at the vague miasma of danger which still clung to her, pressed a kiss to her crown instead.
Joey felt Tristan at his back, a warmth added to the fierce glow he couldn't deny. Red - and Joey wanted to apply three different kinds of possessives to that name, one for every claim he and Tristan had on her - was home, back in the city that birthed her, and Joey was damned if he'd see her driven from it a second time. He released the doorjamb and turned, drawing his sister along with him, to open a place for Tristan to slip in. Serenity did the rest.
Tristan didn't come back to himself until after the door swung inward and a slight redhaired form rushed at Joey. Like a goofy sheepdog he waited, tail wagging with slow hope, until Red, his Red, their Red, latched onto Tristan heedless of past mistakes and drew him into the circle.
After the initial explosion of exclamations, disjointed explanations, and an attempt by one rather small woman to simultaneously and rather desperately hug two adult men quite a lot larger than herself (Serenity showed a strong disinclination to let go but hung on, one hand knotted onto Tristan's jacket and the other clutching Joey's, face buried somehow between them both) the bags of Chinese takeout got settled onto the kitchen counter. Talk mingled with the appetizing scents of good food, and if the apartment felt abruptly smaller than before, that wasn't exactly a surprise. Family, crisis and eggrolls took up a lot of room.
The rest of the evening was a bright blur. Even Tristan's anxiety at invading Jai's apartment slid to the backburner (though he did slide a thank-you into the conversation when a break permitted) in lieu of hot food and the reassuring warmth of Joey's twin, once more slipped into her rightful - and until now empty - place in the arc. He was stupid for being scared of her. Maybe he'd have a reason some other time, maybe he'd gotten lucky and gotten a pass because of the circumstances, but the truest reality was her genuine gladness to see him, and his relieved joy at her presence.
He was amiably quiet, happy to eat and listen to the others' conversation flow around him - though of course he traded a few jibes with Jai. Fair was fair, after all.
Joey, in an attempt to not smother Serenity with nagging attention or worries, hovered around Duke for a large part of the evening, alternately discussing the values of various spicy foods and what constituted a "classic" game for the XBox. Because he and Tristan had paid for it, he had no qualms about eating just as much as he desired, and garnered more than a few jibes from his sister about his porkish habits... jibes which he easily turned back on her with a simple nod toward her own plate. Through it all Joey remained quietly and happily aware of both Jai and Tristan, warmed with gratitude for each of them in starkly different ways.
The take-out containers were down to the dregs of sauce and the last Crab Rangoon had vanished mysteriously (along with Bear, who had spent the entire evening eyeballing the humans' plates and whining shamelessly for scraps; he approved of Chinese); and conversation in Jai's somewhat overfull apartment had segued beyond explanations and plans for the future into quiet and what passed for contentment at the moment. Even Serenity's somewhat guilty narrative of the call she had reluctantly made earlier to her and Joey's parents ('Hi Mom, hi Dad, just wanted t'let you know I'm, well, back in the city... Sorry I missed you and no I'm not at Joey and Tristan's, I'll explain later, love you and I'll call again soon's I can, Bye--" Beeeep!) hadn't been enough to dampen things more than a little.
There were shadows still in the young woman's eyes; but there were fewer than there had been that morning. And if she occasionally just sat still and looked at the people around her with a profound sense of unreality, that was to be expected-- you didn't turn your world upside down (again) without experiencing a little vertigo, a little displacement.
Or a lot, for that matter. The shadows wouldn't go away in an evening, a week, a month...
Half-asleep from too much Princess Beef and thirds on the eggrolls, Serenity closed her eyes and listened as she leaned back on the orange/red couch between her two brothers; listened to Duke and Joey's laughter, to Tristan's occasional quiet-voiced comments, to Jai's self-contained silence. From beneath the couch came a faint crunching sound, and she could just make out Lucifer's tail whapping against the carpet from where he lay with his head resting heavy across his owner's feet. Good sounds. To her sleepy mind they blended together into the kind of noise you got when you held a shell to your ear; only this shell was home, and the sound was the first real note of peace that she'd heard in more than a year.
Drowsily Serenity tried to open her eyes; no good, she was warm and full and safe. Somewhere inside, a door closed; somewhere inside, a chapter ended.
No, the shadows weren't gone. Their source was still somewhere out there, vicious and wanting and arrogant enough that he'd torn her world apart three times over now. They had unfinished business; and Serenity had no illusions about Steven Gant's unwillingness to let his obsession go. He hadn't gone away exactly himself, had he? Not really, and he wouldn't just politely vanish now that he'd made her run again. At least she'd bought herself some space-- what was it Jai had said? Sometimes you don’t have time to think until the smoke clears.
Not just space, then, but a little time as well, maybe; to work things out and bring them to a conclusion at last, one way or another.
The sounds around her were fading out. Comforted on a level so deep it went beyond memory and words, Serenity smiled at the warmth of Tristan on one side and Joey on the other: tangible and real. And just barely audible, Duke's voice and Jai's too, answering some question about... she wasn't sure; it was just too damn hard to stay awake.
There were choices to make and plans to decide on, but later. Now, secure at last, Serenity drifted off to sleep.