lately i've been wishing i had one desire something that would make me never want another
you're always looking for something
to sniff, smoke, or swallow
calling over next door to see what they got
but you would settle for anything
that would make your brain slow down or stop
break this circle of thoughts you chase
before the catch back up with you
and your parents noticied your thinning face,
all the weight you lost
all the weight you are losing
you said, "i'm done feeling like a skeleton
no more sleep walking dead"
you're going to wake from this coma
you're going to crawl from this bed you have made
and stop counting on that camera
that hangs round your neck
because it won't ever remember
what you choose to forget
as you try to find some source of light
try to name one thing you like
you used to have such a longer list
and light you never had to look for it
but now it's so easy to second guess everything you do
until all you want is to finish this half empty glass
before the ice melts away
this feeling used to pass
but seems like it's every day and every night now
__________________________________________________________
i think i'm drowning myself... making myself feel smaller and smaller and cheaper and cheaper... and all for a small bit of fun mixed with a lifetime of misery. i've come to believe that i will never be loved in the way i want to be... i've come to believe that maybe jay was right for me and i just...expected way too much. because compared to the guys i'm dealing with now he keeps getting better and better... and when i see him with laura... doing the things that i could never get him to do. what was so horribly wrong with me? am i not better than her? or am i just insane? i think that's it... i'm going completely and utterly insane. hey, do you think jovannah has any of her happy pills left? i'll have to ask her how it felt... so close to death. michelle said they found her, convulsing on the floor. tried to wake her up, tried to throw cold water on her... the only thing that would happen is that her thumb would twitch. when they wheeled her into the hospital, she was on oxygen, they were giving her a shot of something, and her lips and feet were turning blue. she took over 150 valium and over 150 vicodin. she had the pills, among others from a recent back surgery, the doctors were trying to claim that she was in so much pain she accidentally overdosed.
_____________________________________
what in the fuck is wrong with this town?
_____________________________________________________
...please send me an angel to love because i fear
i'll never make it to heaven...
to sniff, smoke, or swallow
calling over next door to see what they got
but you would settle for anything
that would make your brain slow down or stop
break this circle of thoughts you chase
before the catch back up with you
and your parents noticied your thinning face,
all the weight you lost
all the weight you are losing
you said, "i'm done feeling like a skeleton
no more sleep walking dead"
you're going to wake from this coma
you're going to crawl from this bed you have made
and stop counting on that camera
that hangs round your neck
because it won't ever remember
what you choose to forget
as you try to find some source of light
try to name one thing you like
you used to have such a longer list
and light you never had to look for it
but now it's so easy to second guess everything you do
until all you want is to finish this half empty glass
before the ice melts away
this feeling used to pass
but seems like it's every day and every night now
__________________________________________________________
i think i'm drowning myself... making myself feel smaller and smaller and cheaper and cheaper... and all for a small bit of fun mixed with a lifetime of misery. i've come to believe that i will never be loved in the way i want to be... i've come to believe that maybe jay was right for me and i just...expected way too much. because compared to the guys i'm dealing with now he keeps getting better and better... and when i see him with laura... doing the things that i could never get him to do. what was so horribly wrong with me? am i not better than her? or am i just insane? i think that's it... i'm going completely and utterly insane. hey, do you think jovannah has any of her happy pills left? i'll have to ask her how it felt... so close to death. michelle said they found her, convulsing on the floor. tried to wake her up, tried to throw cold water on her... the only thing that would happen is that her thumb would twitch. when they wheeled her into the hospital, she was on oxygen, they were giving her a shot of something, and her lips and feet were turning blue. she took over 150 valium and over 150 vicodin. she had the pills, among others from a recent back surgery, the doctors were trying to claim that she was in so much pain she accidentally overdosed.
_____________________________________
what in the fuck is wrong with this town?
_____________________________________________________
...please send me an angel to love because i fear
i'll never make it to heaven...