My Soon To Be Rap Song (Oh yeah, I predict a million sales...)
Women are smarter and men are braver;
Which would you rather have in times of danger?
The girls can cry and show their legs,
While boys can choose to fertilize their eggs.
And when a girl isn't to People magazine's liking,
Isn't it time she applied some icing?
But a man's a man; he can look like a ham,
And his wife will have twice augmented cans.
She doesn't feel normal without makeup on her face;
Showing whiteboard flesh is out of her place.
You cannot be fooled; don't make the mistake:
There's nothing delicious in undecorated cake.
And is it that girls inherently care
About their dress and split-ended hair,
Or are we all the same
And the way we treat each other in this society puts them there?
When we put an "ugly" person on the TV,
Somebody criticizes her physically.
And the most god-awful actress in a show
Is applauded as long as she is dressed as a ho.
We make women think they're not doing any right
When, secretly, there's someone who dreams of them at night.
And what you'll find going through their mind
Are thoughts pertaining to a different kind:
"Please don't change the color of your hair"
Are the wishes of his nightly prayer.
And when, if ever, he tells her so,
She tightens up and then yells, "No!
"My face looks so ugly when it's not enhanced!
"And, by the way, I wish I wore size seven pants!"
At which point, he buries his face in his hands,
Wondering what he said to change the outcome of his plans.
"What did I say to make her respond
"As if I were acting like I'm unfond?"
But outside of the bedroom door,
The boy sports quite a different roar--
He proclaims that no woman's ever pretty
Unless she resembles Jessica Alba to a degree.
And, of course, his friends all agree,
Except, of course, for the girl, Mary,
Who points at how unrealistic the boys can be,
But she reinforces it by dressing so slutty.
And she goes on diets that make her sick,
Just so long as she can get a little dick.
But boys, I guarantee, that you would too
If the pressure were always applied to you.
Which would you rather have in times of danger?
The girls can cry and show their legs,
While boys can choose to fertilize their eggs.
And when a girl isn't to People magazine's liking,
Isn't it time she applied some icing?
But a man's a man; he can look like a ham,
And his wife will have twice augmented cans.
She doesn't feel normal without makeup on her face;
Showing whiteboard flesh is out of her place.
You cannot be fooled; don't make the mistake:
There's nothing delicious in undecorated cake.
And is it that girls inherently care
About their dress and split-ended hair,
Or are we all the same
And the way we treat each other in this society puts them there?
When we put an "ugly" person on the TV,
Somebody criticizes her physically.
And the most god-awful actress in a show
Is applauded as long as she is dressed as a ho.
We make women think they're not doing any right
When, secretly, there's someone who dreams of them at night.
And what you'll find going through their mind
Are thoughts pertaining to a different kind:
"Please don't change the color of your hair"
Are the wishes of his nightly prayer.
And when, if ever, he tells her so,
She tightens up and then yells, "No!
"My face looks so ugly when it's not enhanced!
"And, by the way, I wish I wore size seven pants!"
At which point, he buries his face in his hands,
Wondering what he said to change the outcome of his plans.
"What did I say to make her respond
"As if I were acting like I'm unfond?"
But outside of the bedroom door,
The boy sports quite a different roar--
He proclaims that no woman's ever pretty
Unless she resembles Jessica Alba to a degree.
And, of course, his friends all agree,
Except, of course, for the girl, Mary,
Who points at how unrealistic the boys can be,
But she reinforces it by dressing so slutty.
And she goes on diets that make her sick,
Just so long as she can get a little dick.
But boys, I guarantee, that you would too
If the pressure were always applied to you.