Blog Posted on Myspace....Enjoy!
When I was a little girl, I played with Barbies religiously. My friends and I would play for endless hours and I'd continue playing long after they'd gone home for the night. To fit in while playing with my friends, my Barbie did was their's did-had boyfriends, children, faced dramas unimaginable...yet while alone, I played differently.
I decided while playing alone that the life of a wife and mother was far too effortless and boring for Barbie to endure. My Barbie was to have a life of luxury and freedom--the kind of life I was destined to have.
Aside from many attempts at dating and two failed marriages, I'd recently come to the realization that my life had been going pretty much how I'd wished Barbie's was. I ran from responsibility. I loathed being boring. I enjoyed being gossiped about and quite frequently even started some of the rumors (if they weren't true :D) myself (come on, you all know you've traded my stories from time to time). I'm most positive that "Did you hear what Amy did?" or "Who's she married to NOW?" or "She did WHAT? She stole WHO from WHO??? How is that even possible?" have passed through more that ONE pair of lips out there. For me before, where there was chaos, there was comfort.
Some may be wondering "Before what? Before she had sex with her best friend's ex boyfriend (to HER URGING)? Before she stole her best friend's baby daddy (she didn't want him--how can someone who wasn't wanted be someone who was stolen from the same someone who didn't want him in the first place?)? Before she left her husband (for very justifiable reasons, I might insert)? Before she pushed everyone away, (including very opinionated family members)?" Well kids, I'm about to tell you.
Before HIM (yeah, the baby daddy, ex best friend's ex boyfriend, MY OWN ex boyfriend...). Before this feeling that everything is and will forever be ok. That it doesn't matter what I've done, who I've screwed, or who I've hurt....that I'm still a good person and it's ok for me to accept that. And it's OK for me to be happy.
He makes me happier than I've EVER been in my entire life. He completes me. He (like you all) knows everything. Every bad deed, every selfish decision, every drug snorted up my nose...all of it (becauase let me tell you, it was NEVER cencored from him....that I'm SURE of). He even was probably among those to trade stories....the wonderful thing is....he's shown me that it doesn't matter. That the decisions I've made don't DEFINE me as a person, they contribute to my character. The good, the bad, the ugly, the beautiful, the sexy, the sultry....ALL OF IT make me who I am. I will never be hard on myself or second-guess myself or question my own motives again.
Turns out....the BEST decision for me, was also the HARDEST, the most TORTUOUS, the MOST UNFORGETTABLE, NON-REGRETABLE (is that even a word? haha) but BEAUTIFUL and REWARDING decision I've ever made. And I am forever changed.
Contrary to popular belief, Joshua, you make the "boring, loathsome, lonesome" life of a mother and "housewife" (hey, I AM still a wife hahaha) AMAZING and I look forward to every new day because you're in it with me. YOU ARE WORTH IT ALL AND WILL FOREVER BE GOOD ENOUGH FOR ME TO HAVE MADE THE CHOICES I'VE MADE.
I love you for eternity.
Barbie's life? Ha. Only builds character. Only shows a girl how to recognize what NOT to do again and how NOT to settle, just because she made some bad choices. The slut that tried it all KNOWS what she has when she finds it, appreciates it, and won't let it go.
THAT YOU CAN BANK ON.
I decided while playing alone that the life of a wife and mother was far too effortless and boring for Barbie to endure. My Barbie was to have a life of luxury and freedom--the kind of life I was destined to have.
Aside from many attempts at dating and two failed marriages, I'd recently come to the realization that my life had been going pretty much how I'd wished Barbie's was. I ran from responsibility. I loathed being boring. I enjoyed being gossiped about and quite frequently even started some of the rumors (if they weren't true :D) myself (come on, you all know you've traded my stories from time to time). I'm most positive that "Did you hear what Amy did?" or "Who's she married to NOW?" or "She did WHAT? She stole WHO from WHO??? How is that even possible?" have passed through more that ONE pair of lips out there. For me before, where there was chaos, there was comfort.
Some may be wondering "Before what? Before she had sex with her best friend's ex boyfriend (to HER URGING)? Before she stole her best friend's baby daddy (she didn't want him--how can someone who wasn't wanted be someone who was stolen from the same someone who didn't want him in the first place?)? Before she left her husband (for very justifiable reasons, I might insert)? Before she pushed everyone away, (including very opinionated family members)?" Well kids, I'm about to tell you.
Before HIM (yeah, the baby daddy, ex best friend's ex boyfriend, MY OWN ex boyfriend...). Before this feeling that everything is and will forever be ok. That it doesn't matter what I've done, who I've screwed, or who I've hurt....that I'm still a good person and it's ok for me to accept that. And it's OK for me to be happy.
He makes me happier than I've EVER been in my entire life. He completes me. He (like you all) knows everything. Every bad deed, every selfish decision, every drug snorted up my nose...all of it (becauase let me tell you, it was NEVER cencored from him....that I'm SURE of). He even was probably among those to trade stories....the wonderful thing is....he's shown me that it doesn't matter. That the decisions I've made don't DEFINE me as a person, they contribute to my character. The good, the bad, the ugly, the beautiful, the sexy, the sultry....ALL OF IT make me who I am. I will never be hard on myself or second-guess myself or question my own motives again.
Turns out....the BEST decision for me, was also the HARDEST, the most TORTUOUS, the MOST UNFORGETTABLE, NON-REGRETABLE (is that even a word? haha) but BEAUTIFUL and REWARDING decision I've ever made. And I am forever changed.
Contrary to popular belief, Joshua, you make the "boring, loathsome, lonesome" life of a mother and "housewife" (hey, I AM still a wife hahaha) AMAZING and I look forward to every new day because you're in it with me. YOU ARE WORTH IT ALL AND WILL FOREVER BE GOOD ENOUGH FOR ME TO HAVE MADE THE CHOICES I'VE MADE.
I love you for eternity.
Barbie's life? Ha. Only builds character. Only shows a girl how to recognize what NOT to do again and how NOT to settle, just because she made some bad choices. The slut that tried it all KNOWS what she has when she finds it, appreciates it, and won't let it go.
THAT YOU CAN BANK ON.