As pathetic as it sounds..
...the thing that breaks my heart the most is not once did she say "let's try again". Or "let's not do this".
There's been planning and thinking and bed buying and going to Centrelink and all of this energy expended on the separation.
But not once, after 10 years, did she even try.
And that kills me to the point where I can't even bring myself look at her, let alone talk to her.
She tells me:
"But you said it's over"
"But you ended our marriage via SMS"
But but but.
It's all about what I've done.
It's all about my behaviour and attitude and my problem.
Apparently I shouldn't have been upset that she sleazed around with my best friends wife. Apparently I should not have felt rejection because she ran away for a few days afterwards.
Maybe i was wrong.
Maybe all of this is me being impossible and expecting too much.
I dunno.
All I know is that this hurt is suffocating.
There's been planning and thinking and bed buying and going to Centrelink and all of this energy expended on the separation.
But not once, after 10 years, did she even try.
And that kills me to the point where I can't even bring myself look at her, let alone talk to her.
She tells me:
"But you said it's over"
"But you ended our marriage via SMS"
But but but.
It's all about what I've done.
It's all about my behaviour and attitude and my problem.
Apparently I shouldn't have been upset that she sleazed around with my best friends wife. Apparently I should not have felt rejection because she ran away for a few days afterwards.
Maybe i was wrong.
Maybe all of this is me being impossible and expecting too much.
I dunno.
All I know is that this hurt is suffocating.