I am from the Canadian prairies where this is custom. I think it is the most tacky thing possible and am glad I come from a family who also thinks this. The wedding party plans this huge party at a community hall and charges for entrance and alcohol and then uses the profits to fund the wedding. I loathe these events and hate being invited to them.
We got married at home. The officiant asked for $50, and we fed her dinner as well. We spent about $50 on a few flowers, and gave the rest to my MIL, who cooked PILES OF FOOD for about 30 guests.
We had our 15th wedding anniversary back in February.
We tried to get married at home...that didn't go over so well. We endured a lot of harassment from family members for that.
I feel like I'm hated right now, wonderful. I'm a total bitch for having a wedding and inviting family members and having a social, because apparently things that are normal here are just tacky and stupid and hated by the rest of the world.
We took a lot of flack for what we did, too, but when it came down to it, no one else was paying the bills. We put our collective foot down and told them to either pay for the crap they thought we should do or shut the fuck up. There were quite a number of "But you're not really married!" whines, but the State of Ohio says we are, so there.
I feel like I'm hated right now, wonderful. I'm a total bitch for having a wedding and inviting family members and having a social, because apparently things that are normal here are just tacky and stupid and hated by the rest of the world.Honestly, I'd be pretty pissed about being asked to pony up the cash to pay for someone else's wedding. I have to live within my means, so why shouldn't the bridal couple? The hosts of the party are supposed to pay for it. If the hosts can't afford exactly the production they want, it's their responsibility to scale back accordingly
( ... )
To me it's just incredibly frustrating to try explain why this is normal to people who haven't grown up with it. My parents had a social, my grandparents had a social, I wouldn't be surprised if my great-great grandparents had a social. I've never been irritated at paying for a social ticket or giving a presentation gift at a wedding, and it's surprising to me to find out that people are apparently very offended by it.
As for my wedding, it was as small and cheap as we possibly could have it and we scrimped and cut corners on everything, it's not like we were serving $50 a plate dinners with bottles of Dom Perignon on each table. It's very...interesting, to see how something that is incredibly common-place here is percieved as so offensive by other people.
It's almost like a rite of passage here, when you go to social's and drink instead of going to a bar. It's cheaper, more entertaining, and there's food and prizes.
To me it's just incredibly frustrating to try explain why this is normal to people who haven't grown up with it.
Sure, that's understandable. I imagine my host parents in Germany felt the same way, explaining wedding customs there to me, and I felt that way trying to explain wedding customs here to them. Trying to explain on the Internet...well, you're looking at an exponential increase of the number of people who are not familiar with your customs and might find them shocking or offensive.
Try not to take it personally. Maybe find a source online to point peope to regarding the origin of the custom?
Weddings and wedding related customs are always fraught with emotional peril. One person's "weird" or "offensive" is another's longstanding cultural tradition, and the wedding industry just does not help.
Not to mention, it's incredibly hard to justify something that we don't really seem to have a reason for. Why do we do things here? We just do - no one really thinks about it until someone comes from out of town and says "What the hell is a social? That's stupid and tacky", and then all we can do is sit and think "Why are they offended?" and try think of ways to explain why it's done.
We do it because it is accepted, and it is accepted because we do it. [I'm trying to remember how socials started, I know they started out as potlucks/town dances to fundraise for the wedding couple. I think it may be Ukranian in origin, but I'm not sure.]
Except... I'm from Alberta, I've dealt with my share of weddings, and my family NEVER tried to doa social for any of the three weddings I was around for. They're dirt poor and they felt it tacky. Family friends with weddings didn't do them either.
Maybe it's customary for the people you know, but it can't be for all of the prairie provinces.
I never said it was [I apologize if my use of the term "Prairies" made you think I was speaking for all the prairie provinces, I only use it to mean Manitoba exclusively.], in fact it's really unheard of outside Manitoba.
Reply
Reply
Reply
(The comment has been removed)
Reply
Sheesh. My whole freaking wedding cost $300.
Reply
Reply
We had our 15th wedding anniversary back in February.
Reply
I feel like I'm hated right now, wonderful. I'm a total bitch for having a wedding and inviting family members and having a social, because apparently things that are normal here are just tacky and stupid and hated by the rest of the world.
Reply
I feel like I'm hated right now, wonderful. I'm a total bitch for having a wedding and inviting family members and having a social, because apparently things that are normal here are just tacky and stupid and hated by the rest of the world.Honestly, I'd be pretty pissed about being asked to pony up the cash to pay for someone else's wedding. I have to live within my means, so why shouldn't the bridal couple? The hosts of the party are supposed to pay for it. If the hosts can't afford exactly the production they want, it's their responsibility to scale back accordingly ( ... )
Reply
As for my wedding, it was as small and cheap as we possibly could have it and we scrimped and cut corners on everything, it's not like we were serving $50 a plate dinners with bottles of Dom Perignon on each table. It's very...interesting, to see how something that is incredibly common-place here is percieved as so offensive by other people.
It's almost like a rite of passage here, when you go to social's and drink instead of going to a bar. It's cheaper, more entertaining, and there's food and prizes.
Reply
Sure, that's understandable. I imagine my host parents in Germany felt the same way, explaining wedding customs there to me, and I felt that way trying to explain wedding customs here to them. Trying to explain on the Internet...well, you're looking at an exponential increase of the number of people who are not familiar with your customs and might find them shocking or offensive.
Try not to take it personally. Maybe find a source online to point peope to regarding the origin of the custom?
Weddings and wedding related customs are always fraught with emotional peril. One person's "weird" or "offensive" is another's longstanding cultural tradition, and the wedding industry just does not help.
Reply
We do it because it is accepted, and it is accepted because we do it. [I'm trying to remember how socials started, I know they started out as potlucks/town dances to fundraise for the wedding couple. I think it may be Ukranian in origin, but I'm not sure.]
Reply
Maybe it's customary for the people you know, but it can't be for all of the prairie provinces.
Reply
Reply
Reply
Leave a comment