(no subject)
Ahhh, whirlwind. There is this boy...and he is absolutely gorgeous...amazing, and he has a tattoo of Ganesha (like me!!) and BOOM my heart says HOLY FATE. haha. I realize that Ganesha is a very popular choice for a tattoo, but in central NY...haha, unless its a butterfly or a fairy...its completely unheard of! So you can imagine my excitement upon seeing this said tattoo. Whenever this boy comes into the store we have lovely conversation, but my heart just gets all fluttery...and that is something i do not know how to deal with. There is an obvious connection, that i feel very strongly...however, it seems that he know has a love interest. *sighs*
But there is just something there...something very strong, indeed. So yes...mmmhmm...and then there is my little youngin...I have decided to steer clear of any romantic ties to him...however, I do want to get to know him better. I had a very disturbing and very vivid dream involving him a few nights back...he was badly hurt, but it was self inflicted. This dream automatically made the mommy in me come out...so needless to say he is a figure i want to get to know, but not pursue. There is an interesting chemistry between us as well, but I am unsure of its purpose as of now.
Now...Shane...he emailed me, and we spoke on the phone...he swears up and down that someday we will be together...that someday we will have a family and all that lovely betty crocker stuff...
The cancer in me automatically craves this kind of a life, but my Sag. Moon is just not interested. I am torn and half in half...at any given point I could go back there...I could find myself with him again, and loving him the way that I have...but eye to eye. However, this would mean forsaking every little thing I have built up over these past couple of years...I dont know if I can do that.
Many people say...follow your heart...etc..., but that is not as easy as one would think. My heart whispers different endings...there is no clear path here. I am utterly, hopelessly confused. So here we have three (typical number for me) men whom have a part to play in this sherade, but where?
Further more...Mother has decided she is indeed staying in Pakistan and she is NOT coming home without Asad. I had a feeling that she would change her mind and not come back...somethings you just know. I do not think it was intuition as much as it was the knowledge of my Mother...I have learned her system.
Her choice worries me, but my hands are bound as her fate is her own doing. However...there is something wrong...this I know. This I sense, and this I have portrayed to her many times. She does not and will not heed my advice...so here I wait...here I anticipate. This is the worst part of having her so far away. The wondering is hell.
Beyond that I spent over an hour at the DMV today, and paid them an ungodly amount of money (as one would expect), and that began to ruin my entire day, but it chippered up.
I spent the evening with my dearest Shinae, and got a lovely haircut. It was relaxing and simple...what a lovely change.
Ok, well...after the incoherent babble I will release this entry into the wonders of internet access...
**ponders**
But there is just something there...something very strong, indeed. So yes...mmmhmm...and then there is my little youngin...I have decided to steer clear of any romantic ties to him...however, I do want to get to know him better. I had a very disturbing and very vivid dream involving him a few nights back...he was badly hurt, but it was self inflicted. This dream automatically made the mommy in me come out...so needless to say he is a figure i want to get to know, but not pursue. There is an interesting chemistry between us as well, but I am unsure of its purpose as of now.
Now...Shane...he emailed me, and we spoke on the phone...he swears up and down that someday we will be together...that someday we will have a family and all that lovely betty crocker stuff...
The cancer in me automatically craves this kind of a life, but my Sag. Moon is just not interested. I am torn and half in half...at any given point I could go back there...I could find myself with him again, and loving him the way that I have...but eye to eye. However, this would mean forsaking every little thing I have built up over these past couple of years...I dont know if I can do that.
Many people say...follow your heart...etc..., but that is not as easy as one would think. My heart whispers different endings...there is no clear path here. I am utterly, hopelessly confused. So here we have three (typical number for me) men whom have a part to play in this sherade, but where?
Further more...Mother has decided she is indeed staying in Pakistan and she is NOT coming home without Asad. I had a feeling that she would change her mind and not come back...somethings you just know. I do not think it was intuition as much as it was the knowledge of my Mother...I have learned her system.
Her choice worries me, but my hands are bound as her fate is her own doing. However...there is something wrong...this I know. This I sense, and this I have portrayed to her many times. She does not and will not heed my advice...so here I wait...here I anticipate. This is the worst part of having her so far away. The wondering is hell.
Beyond that I spent over an hour at the DMV today, and paid them an ungodly amount of money (as one would expect), and that began to ruin my entire day, but it chippered up.
I spent the evening with my dearest Shinae, and got a lovely haircut. It was relaxing and simple...what a lovely change.
Ok, well...after the incoherent babble I will release this entry into the wonders of internet access...
**ponders**