(no subject)
It's been a long week, and I can hardly believe that the new one has begun...it seems like the last carried on for years. The past came back, and it bit me in the ass...ahhh retrograde retrograde retrograde.
what do you do when you love someone with all of your heart, and then they abandon you. then they contact you and say they are sorry...that it was too much junk. that they were shooting that night, and sniffing. and they couldnt tell you because they were so ashamed. and now they are hitting an all time low. what do you do? is it the middle finger, or...ill stand by you. and you see them in your dreams...so close it feels like they could be there forever. ugh, and your trapped in the memory.
and then another boy comes back...one you didnt love, and he still wants to love you. then the other boy get jealous...says he feels ignored. says i was everything then and thinks i will always be. says hes IN LOVE with me. both two men...both my past...i want a new future. god, what do i do.
I love one of these boys...but not in that way...and i feel so bad when i cant hold him because i need to feel him...i hold him because he needs to feel me. and i dont want to touch him anymore, but i dont know how to say no. i dont know if it will make him touch me when im not awake again.
but i love him...i do...just not like that. and he offered to move, but how can i make him? god damn...i feel like im in a hurricane...i feel like my brain is swimming at a million miles and worse than that my heart is in the eye. yeah, this love...its the eye of the storm.
ughhhhh
**PULLS HAIR OUT***
hello operator...can you give me juniper hills mental institution please...
what do you do when you love someone with all of your heart, and then they abandon you. then they contact you and say they are sorry...that it was too much junk. that they were shooting that night, and sniffing. and they couldnt tell you because they were so ashamed. and now they are hitting an all time low. what do you do? is it the middle finger, or...ill stand by you. and you see them in your dreams...so close it feels like they could be there forever. ugh, and your trapped in the memory.
and then another boy comes back...one you didnt love, and he still wants to love you. then the other boy get jealous...says he feels ignored. says i was everything then and thinks i will always be. says hes IN LOVE with me. both two men...both my past...i want a new future. god, what do i do.
I love one of these boys...but not in that way...and i feel so bad when i cant hold him because i need to feel him...i hold him because he needs to feel me. and i dont want to touch him anymore, but i dont know how to say no. i dont know if it will make him touch me when im not awake again.
but i love him...i do...just not like that. and he offered to move, but how can i make him? god damn...i feel like im in a hurricane...i feel like my brain is swimming at a million miles and worse than that my heart is in the eye. yeah, this love...its the eye of the storm.
ughhhhh
**PULLS HAIR OUT***
hello operator...can you give me juniper hills mental institution please...