It felt selfish to reach out to you if you didn’t want to hear from me.... so I’m leaving it here
Dear Leigh, So, this is the only place I can think to post this where you MIGHT look one day- and if you do.
..Here is the apology that you have deserved all along but for me to reach out to you (which I have wanted to do everyday since we last spoke, and even talked about in therapy extensively) would be selfish in itself. And so instead, I think about writing you all the time, but I dont. and I think about you a lot. and you appear in dreams. as the hurt I caused you, is my forever regret.and so I'm laying it out here.Where you would only find it if you were looking for it.so here it goes...I'm sorry Erin.You deserved nothing that happened between us.I was too afraid to face the truth and so I ran (which was a pattern in my life),and I pointed fingersand made up things that fit my agenda.and you didnt deserve any of it.I was wrong.and an asshole.a coward.and it will forever be my life's regret.Not for us ending. but how it ended. how i hurt you.I loved you. more than I had ever loved anyone before you.You were amazing.great.better than I could have imagined I'd find.I never wanted to hurt you- and that sounds hollow even as I type it-- but it is the truth.You were one of the greatest loves of my life, and hurting you was the worst thing I have ever done.You deserved more. you deserved the truth.you deserved couples counseling,and time for just us,to see why it happened,to see why it was ending.to talk it out.instead I ran away and couldn't face you.and I hurt you.and continued too.the same way others had hurt me beforeand I couldnt believe I did it to you.There are no excuses.I wont make any.Im sorry.If you ever want to talk. My email and phone are the same.I get it if you dont though.Im happy you seem happy. You deserve all the things.