Does Cyberpunk Count As A Mood?
Because that's what I've been feeling the last couple of days: cyberpunk.
Of course, it probably doesn't help that I've had YouTube streaming cyberpunk themes while I'm at work: Akira soundtrack, Ghost in the Shell soundtrack, Blade Runner ambient, etc. But yeah, that's where I am at the moment.
And the weird thing is, it makes me want to write something. I don't know what, specifically, maybe dust off a couple of old stories and punch them up into something worth reading, maybe. But something.
It really makes me that much more anxious to start getting my weekends back, so I can get some real work done. Something that actually feels like it gives me life instead of draining it away.
I know, I've harped on about wanting to be an actual, published, making money off this shit writer, and I freely admit I haven't done a thing about it to get there, but yeah. I was thinking earlier, maybe this is my mid-life crisis: instead of wanting to buy a flashy car and work out ten hours a day so I can bang hot chicks half my age, I have to be weird, and want to start really digging into the creative part of myself that I've only ever really stroked off over the years. That I'm so sick of this job sucking me dry, I want to rebel by doing something weird and creative.
If I had some clue at all what that something might be, then I'd be batting a thousand. As it is, it's just a nebulous "I wanna" kind of thing. But fuck it, I'm not worried about being the family disappointment, since I already accomplished that; but I still feel really shitty for feeling like my aunt would be disappointed in me for not pursuing my art. And that actually bothers me way more than I ever figured it would.
But I hate feeling like every day is the same: get up, go to work, come home, unwind by playing Skyrim, go to bed, get up, ad nauseum. I can't keep doing this shit to myself. I'll be fifty in two months, and I'm tired of having nothing to show for it but a sadly impressive hours-spent-on-Skyrim count. I want more than this.
Which means I have to do something about it myself, because it ain't doing it for me.
Incidentally, this isn't what I'd planned on posting tonight, but that would be the subject of a whole nother, lengthier, more well thought out rant. Which means, I need to type it out at home. So...
Namaste
Of course, it probably doesn't help that I've had YouTube streaming cyberpunk themes while I'm at work: Akira soundtrack, Ghost in the Shell soundtrack, Blade Runner ambient, etc. But yeah, that's where I am at the moment.
And the weird thing is, it makes me want to write something. I don't know what, specifically, maybe dust off a couple of old stories and punch them up into something worth reading, maybe. But something.
It really makes me that much more anxious to start getting my weekends back, so I can get some real work done. Something that actually feels like it gives me life instead of draining it away.
I know, I've harped on about wanting to be an actual, published, making money off this shit writer, and I freely admit I haven't done a thing about it to get there, but yeah. I was thinking earlier, maybe this is my mid-life crisis: instead of wanting to buy a flashy car and work out ten hours a day so I can bang hot chicks half my age, I have to be weird, and want to start really digging into the creative part of myself that I've only ever really stroked off over the years. That I'm so sick of this job sucking me dry, I want to rebel by doing something weird and creative.
If I had some clue at all what that something might be, then I'd be batting a thousand. As it is, it's just a nebulous "I wanna" kind of thing. But fuck it, I'm not worried about being the family disappointment, since I already accomplished that; but I still feel really shitty for feeling like my aunt would be disappointed in me for not pursuing my art. And that actually bothers me way more than I ever figured it would.
But I hate feeling like every day is the same: get up, go to work, come home, unwind by playing Skyrim, go to bed, get up, ad nauseum. I can't keep doing this shit to myself. I'll be fifty in two months, and I'm tired of having nothing to show for it but a sadly impressive hours-spent-on-Skyrim count. I want more than this.
Which means I have to do something about it myself, because it ain't doing it for me.
Incidentally, this isn't what I'd planned on posting tonight, but that would be the subject of a whole nother, lengthier, more well thought out rant. Which means, I need to type it out at home. So...
Namaste