Thinking.....

[dolphina847]

I've spent a lot of time lately thinking of the past, I miss some of it more so then I'll actually admit. I used to have some really close friends I used to think friendship lasted forever, at least real friendship, but now I find myself surounded by a small group of really good friends all of one from my past and it scares me to think I could turn around and they could be gone too.... I used to be such a outgoing very friendly easy to get a long with person, but as of late I've been told to let up, and that I'm a bitch or as of Today you just dont give people a real chance. I'm wondering what happend to me? I'm glad I mellowed out, since well I used to drive even myself nuts, and I'm glad I found my Chris. I donno I guess I just feel like I lost a part of me to get where I am now, and I havent decided weither I like it or not. I used to think my brother knew me better then anyone in the world even if he didnt know everything going on, but now I wonder if he would even really reconize me as the same little sister? I miss people some more then others but I miss them non the less. I think I'm gonna go see Crystal soon I need to see an old face. I just miss some of the past. NON of my past relationships, but alot of my past friendships. I'ts hard to explain right now my head is bouncing all over the place and putting it all together is harder then I thought it would be.
I might be heading to Germany here soon for a couple of weeks I just found out that my sister has Cancer and if she needs me I'm going to go in a hurry. it's Cervical Cancer and apparently its genetic, my mom had it before Amy and so now I'm not only worried about my sister but myself my daughter and hers. lots of stuff running around in my head I need to sit down and sort them out, and then I'll post and make more sense