And round we go again...
It should come as no surprise to the people who know me that I have serious self-esteem issues when it comes to my body. They've gone on all my life (and I can actually remember the start of the first big downturn -- Grade 4, when Katie Weeks ended an argument with "at least I'm not the fat one.") It's gotten better or worse as my weight fluctuated, but even in high school, when I got down to a size 5, I was only just maybe possibly toying with the idea of perhaps purchasing my first bikini...
And then my weight went up again, and that question died. I don't think my belly has ever actually seen the light of day. It's white enough that I could probably guide ships home from sea if I lifted up my shirt.
So why is this tired old issue coming up again? Because I may be performing with my new tribe in the near future. And for those who don't know, tribal bellydance costumes look like this:
(From Tanjora Bellydance)
Yeah. I ran into a screaming pile of issues right there.
Thing is, I HATE that I'm still hamstrung by the thought of anyone potentially catching sight of my belly. Especially given that in my tribe, I find all the women gorgeous and powerful when they're dancing, and many of them have figures very similar to mine.
So why do I not bat an eye at their attire and yet entertain thoughts of eating glass sooner than be caught dead in a coin bra? It's all back to the issues. Not helping that I've put on weight recently and had to buy a bathing suit.
And I know there are alternatives, such as buying a nice banjara choli that covers most of my stomach. The problem with those is that I run into site after site of helpful advertisements that proudly declare "fits up to a C-cup!".
I am larger than that by a goodly margin.
So, even if I do muster up the nerve to dance in public, I'm going to be severely limited in terms of what I can wear, unless I come up with the money to get something custom made to fit. Which is really, really frustrating.
Ah well. At least this thing now belongs to me:
And then my weight went up again, and that question died. I don't think my belly has ever actually seen the light of day. It's white enough that I could probably guide ships home from sea if I lifted up my shirt.
So why is this tired old issue coming up again? Because I may be performing with my new tribe in the near future. And for those who don't know, tribal bellydance costumes look like this:
(From Tanjora Bellydance)
Yeah. I ran into a screaming pile of issues right there.
Thing is, I HATE that I'm still hamstrung by the thought of anyone potentially catching sight of my belly. Especially given that in my tribe, I find all the women gorgeous and powerful when they're dancing, and many of them have figures very similar to mine.
So why do I not bat an eye at their attire and yet entertain thoughts of eating glass sooner than be caught dead in a coin bra? It's all back to the issues. Not helping that I've put on weight recently and had to buy a bathing suit.
And I know there are alternatives, such as buying a nice banjara choli that covers most of my stomach. The problem with those is that I run into site after site of helpful advertisements that proudly declare "fits up to a C-cup!".
I am larger than that by a goodly margin.
So, even if I do muster up the nerve to dance in public, I'm going to be severely limited in terms of what I can wear, unless I come up with the money to get something custom made to fit. Which is really, really frustrating.
Ah well. At least this thing now belongs to me: