People of the past and present...
I seem to be biased to think of reality or not, even the people who I find perfect do have their flaws. I remember looking at Junior Harbor Cruise pictures of my old school at Needham High and I started crying. I really wish I was back at my old school for some odd reason, but I would feel sooooo detached, because I haven't been there in awhile and I don't think or feel that many would remember me or notice me. I wouldn't be updated on the latest events in the town and everything is not the same. I wish I could go to the Needham High School prom, because my school doesn't have any sort of prom. I wish I could see the people at Needham High school who liked me and hated me one more time. I would rather be there than my boarding school. I am crying as I speak. I want to go home to Needham High School, where it was more just. A kid who threatened to kill another student is still at my school because they are rich and donate a lot to the school. I wish I could go back to where I was and fix all my mistakes, but I can't. Time heals wounds but time also brings distance. I feel like a wretched person, I never kept in contact really with my friends from Needham High School and I regret this. They all are living their own happy lives in their own school without me now. I am living my miserable life at Franklin Academy with a rich girl who wants me dead. I wish I was at Needham High here, the rumors are fake and people say I talk to inanimate objects, when I don't. At Needham High School, it was a product and a reality of my flaws, of what I did in the past that was wrong. I wish for others to forgive. But Franklin is different, there are students there who hate me for no reason, one kid who I never even talk to or even say hi to and we go different roads, says crap about me and is really mean. I mean people at Needham High School were definately more logical, even the people I hated in Needham High, I forgive and I realize that 90% of those problems were my fault of being overly competitive and very mean. I question whether it was right of me to even move to another school. My new school started its downfall day 10 when I didn't pay all my attention to a girl I met over the summer and I hung out with my ex more than her. I feel what I did was right, because I didn't ignore her, I tried to include her with my ex, but she instead would run and cry and get all the other girls to ask her whats wrong. She said "Jackie is hanging out with Steve more than me," and everyone listened to her stories. I was mainly with Steve at that situation, but I still hung out with her. Girls were starting to believe that I was never on the floor of the dorm because I hung out with my ex a lot. This girl, Erin caused a lot of drama with her tantrums over this, yet she didn't cry when her other friends would spend more time with their BF's than her. In this situation, I had a part in it since I did not pay 100% attention, yet she had her part too since she manipulated all the girls on my floor to be against me for that, which caused a lot of problems. I regret going to Franklin, the only positive thing is I made a few friends, 1 really close friend, Dessa. Otherwise, I made a larger group of friends in Needham High School and just in comparing size of my grade, I made more friends in the ratio in Needham High than I did in Franklin. I really wish I could go back, but I cannot. I strive to get away from the immaturity and lack of understanding from Franklin. At Needham High punishments were fair, I was more motived academically, and I wasn't as in deep of a slump all around. People at Needham High School were civil and civil is all I cared about. On the other hand at Franklin people are not civil. I wish that I could go back and change everything as I look into the past, but I cannot... The main point I am trying to bring up is that I want to go back to Needham High. I can't stand it in Franklin and although I am going to Muhlenberg College soon, I still can't bear the thought of everyday having a rich girl threaten to kill me and harass me because of false rumors that were spread about me to her and that she spreads to the whole school. Finally, I would do anything for forgiveness from people I have hurt at Needham, and I completely understand if they don't 100% forgive me or at all because what I did was wretched, cruel and unkind. Finally, I hope that this journal serves it purpose and todays entry on informing that when I thought the grass was greener on the other side (when I was at Needham and looked at Franklin) in reality it wasn't.
-Jackie
-Jackie