Memory
Dear Professor,
In class today we talked about memory, specifically long term and short term memory and what makes people remember certain things and forget others. I was left with the question: why do some people have better memories than other people? Personally, I have the type of memory that would remind you of a senior citizen. I get somewhere and then forget why I went there, I forget names, forget faces, forget where I put my cell phone while I’m holding it in my hand. You talked about remembering what you at for breakfast on September 12th, but I have a hard time even remembering what I ate for breakfast yesterday. What makes me different from a senior citizen, though, is that a senior citizen can typically remember their life before they started having memory troubles, but I cannot. I’ve always been like this. I feel like I live in a constant fog; the only thing I can see clearly is what’s right in front of me. The farther away, the more blurry everything becomes.
-Early Memories-
Today you asked us about our earliest memories. Most people described memories from when they were two or three years old. My earliest memory is when I was nine. But even then memory didn’t magically switch on, I can only remember about one or two things from all six years of elementary school. I have a handful of memories from middle school, and more from high school, but they don’t even come close to the amount that other people remember. It’s like I’m trying to remember some movie I saw awhile ago. I can remember some things about it but it’s all fuzzy. I might remember a few details here and there, but I’m not even sure most of what I’m remembering is accurate.
I remember asking my mom when I was little why I couldn’t remember anything that happened to me. Correction- I do not actually remember the event of asking her, rather I remember THAT I asked her, because I later repeated her response over and over to myself, waiting for the day when it would come true. She told me that children’s memories aren’t completely developed, and that when I was older it would be much easier for me to remember things. Every time the teacher asked us to recall the time we spent six weeks studying dinosaurs a few months ago, for example, and I could barely recall it, I would tell myself “when I’m older I’ll remember all this stuff.” But it never changed.
Granted, I’m sure I do remember more now than I did when I was little. Then again, I might not, because I can’t really remember how much I remembered when I was little… But nevertheless, it’s not that I have some neurological problem. I follow all the normal memory patterns that we talked about in class. If something is very emotional, I’m more likely to remember it. I don’t have too much trouble studying, because I’ve learned tricks to slip facts into my long term memory. My memory problems don’t even bother me that much. Other people get all caught up in the past, but I live almost solely in the present.
-Faces-
What’s difficult for me is that other people notice, and it tends to offend them. I remember one specific time last year (yes I actually remember this, since it was pretty emotional for me) when I spent a whole evening hanging out with a few of my boyfriend’s friends. I spent a couple of hours having an animated conversation with one guy in particular. This was all well and good; the problem occurred two or three weeks later when my boyfriend and I decided to hang out with some of his friends again. I saw someone I didn’t recognize, so I went up and introduced myself. That’s when I found out that it was the same guy I had had that lively conversation with only a few weeks earlier. Needless to say, he was rather offended.
It’s not that he got a haircut, or shaved his beard. He was exactly the same as when I had met him, and yet I could not even recognize that I’d ever seen him before. For the record, when my boyfriend pulled me aside to explain to me that that was the guy I had been talking to about [I don’t remember what], there was no light bulb that went off in my head. It took some coaxing for me to even remember the night when I’d met that guy, then the conversation we had. When I finally pulled it back out of the fog, I knew who my boyfriend was talking about, but I still couldn’t match the face I was seeing with anything in my memory, because my memory just hadn’t kept a copy of that face.
I’ve had this problem of forgetting people’s faces so often that I’ve finally stopped introducing myself to anyone. I now wait for them to either come over and greet me as if we knew each other, or for someone else to introduce me to them.
Let me clarify that it’s not that I can’t remember faces at all. I know who my family is, I have friends and I can definitely recognize them. It’s just kind of hard for someone to acquire a spot in my memory.
-Facts-
Although forgetting someone’s face is embarrassing, it happens with people who I do not know very well and therefore is a minor issue. What becomes much more of an issue for me is forgetting things about my friends. When you get to know someone in college, one of the first things you ask about is their major. Not surprisingly (after what I’ve told you so far), I will often ask someone what their major is a few days after they’ve already told me. It doesn’t really become embarrassing until after the third or fourth time they are forced to repeat it to me. Eventually I get to a point where I can remember that I’ve asked before, but can’t for the life of me remember what the answer was. And I’m not talking about random acquaintances; I’m talking about people I spend a considerable amount of time with.
-Loved Ones-
But, ok, some people are forgetful, and maybe it isn’t uncommon not to remember your own past, but there’s one more thing that plagues me, and this one I really hate. When I’m not with someone for a certain amount of time, I almost completely forget them. We all stop thinking about not-so-close friends if we don’t see them for a long time. But this is different. When I try to remember a person, I pull up the ghost of a person with adjectives attached. I can see their hair color and the shape of them, although all details, including the face, are blurred out. Attached to this blurry image is the blurry image of their personality. I no longer remember what they were like at all. I may remember adjectives like “sweet” “talkative” “easy-going” which I have formerly used to define this person, but I do not really remember their personality.
I’ll give you a poignant story to show you what I’m talking about: When I was 19 I had had enough of school. I had been studying my whole life, and being from State College, I wasn’t even going to get to go somewhere exciting for college. During high school I had been to Mexico, met some people down there, and I decided that now that I was free of school, I would move to Mexico. I’m not one of those kids who got along horribly with their parents as an adolescent. I was very lucky and had an extremely close relationship with my whole family, especially my mother and my sister. My sister was my best friend, we did everything together.
When I got to Mexico, I wounded my whole family, because I fell almost completely out of contact with them. It’s not that I’m a cold person, as many have called me. I really loved my family. But when they weren’t there, I could barely even remember them. My sister missed me so much. I had been the person she could confide in, we had done everything together. And yet I didn’t really miss her at all, or anyone else, because I didn’t really know them anymore.
It’s not that I didn’t love them. When I came back home after my two years in Mexico, I was overjoyed to see my family. Seeing their faces, hearing their voices and listening to them kid around, everything flooded back and I felt at home again. Although I had not missed them, when I had them with me again, I knew that I preferred to be with them than without them. My life felt fuller and I had people around me who understood me and loved me unconditionally. I could see the scars of the pain I had inflicted with my carelessness, and I vowed that I would never again leave home and completely disregard them. Whether I could remember them clearly or not, whether I missed them or not, I needed to make time for them, because they are an essential part of my history and of me.
-Experiences-
This forgetfulness is not always a bad thing though. When I moved to Mexico, it proved invaluable. Most people experience homesickness while away. I never, not once in two years, felt homesick. As soon as I arrived in Mexico, my life in the United States started fading from my memory. When I could still remember what it felt like to be American, I was so excited to be living in a new place. By the time the excitement faded and most people would start feeling out of place and homesick, ‘home’ had become such a distant memory that Mexico felt as if it had always been my home. The dirtiness of the city, the inefficiency of practically everything, the Mexican way of life- this was all I knew. Life in the U.S. was something we watched in movies.
I’m getting ahead of myself. Let’s go back to forgetting those you love. Now let’s say you’ve got a boyfriend and things aren’t going well. You’re ready to move on. You meet a new guy, and he’s everything your ex wasn’t. You break up with your boyfriend and… It’s not an uncommon scenario. Yet this same scenario has gotten me the labels of ‘bitch,’ ‘cold,’ ‘unfeeling,’ ‘a fake,’ etc. Why? Because when most people break up with a serious boyfriend, there’s a transition period. A period that you spend getting to know the new guy, and getting over the old guy. For me, there is no transition period. As soon as my ex is out of my life, his memory starts to fade. I remember THAT we were together, but I don’t remember what it felt like. It doesn’t hurt me; I don’t miss him and I don’t need time to get over him. Within a very few weeks, I’m completely ready to throw my self full force into a new relationship.
That is not to say that this has to happen with everyone. It happened because I was no longer happy in the relationship I was in, so I WANTED that person out of my life. It might have been easier for me than it should have been, but it would have happened whether it came easily or whether I had to struggle to do it. Conversely, if someone leaves my life but I do NOT want to forget that person, there are things I can do. Modern technology has made all the difference. An email may not mean much to me, but talking to that person with sound and image keeps them alive for me. The few times I talked to my family on the Skype, things were completely different. For a day or two, I would start to miss them.
In class today we talked about memory, specifically long term and short term memory and what makes people remember certain things and forget others. I was left with the question: why do some people have better memories than other people? Personally, I have the type of memory that would remind you of a senior citizen. I get somewhere and then forget why I went there, I forget names, forget faces, forget where I put my cell phone while I’m holding it in my hand. You talked about remembering what you at for breakfast on September 12th, but I have a hard time even remembering what I ate for breakfast yesterday. What makes me different from a senior citizen, though, is that a senior citizen can typically remember their life before they started having memory troubles, but I cannot. I’ve always been like this. I feel like I live in a constant fog; the only thing I can see clearly is what’s right in front of me. The farther away, the more blurry everything becomes.
-Early Memories-
Today you asked us about our earliest memories. Most people described memories from when they were two or three years old. My earliest memory is when I was nine. But even then memory didn’t magically switch on, I can only remember about one or two things from all six years of elementary school. I have a handful of memories from middle school, and more from high school, but they don’t even come close to the amount that other people remember. It’s like I’m trying to remember some movie I saw awhile ago. I can remember some things about it but it’s all fuzzy. I might remember a few details here and there, but I’m not even sure most of what I’m remembering is accurate.
I remember asking my mom when I was little why I couldn’t remember anything that happened to me. Correction- I do not actually remember the event of asking her, rather I remember THAT I asked her, because I later repeated her response over and over to myself, waiting for the day when it would come true. She told me that children’s memories aren’t completely developed, and that when I was older it would be much easier for me to remember things. Every time the teacher asked us to recall the time we spent six weeks studying dinosaurs a few months ago, for example, and I could barely recall it, I would tell myself “when I’m older I’ll remember all this stuff.” But it never changed.
Granted, I’m sure I do remember more now than I did when I was little. Then again, I might not, because I can’t really remember how much I remembered when I was little… But nevertheless, it’s not that I have some neurological problem. I follow all the normal memory patterns that we talked about in class. If something is very emotional, I’m more likely to remember it. I don’t have too much trouble studying, because I’ve learned tricks to slip facts into my long term memory. My memory problems don’t even bother me that much. Other people get all caught up in the past, but I live almost solely in the present.
-Faces-
What’s difficult for me is that other people notice, and it tends to offend them. I remember one specific time last year (yes I actually remember this, since it was pretty emotional for me) when I spent a whole evening hanging out with a few of my boyfriend’s friends. I spent a couple of hours having an animated conversation with one guy in particular. This was all well and good; the problem occurred two or three weeks later when my boyfriend and I decided to hang out with some of his friends again. I saw someone I didn’t recognize, so I went up and introduced myself. That’s when I found out that it was the same guy I had had that lively conversation with only a few weeks earlier. Needless to say, he was rather offended.
It’s not that he got a haircut, or shaved his beard. He was exactly the same as when I had met him, and yet I could not even recognize that I’d ever seen him before. For the record, when my boyfriend pulled me aside to explain to me that that was the guy I had been talking to about [I don’t remember what], there was no light bulb that went off in my head. It took some coaxing for me to even remember the night when I’d met that guy, then the conversation we had. When I finally pulled it back out of the fog, I knew who my boyfriend was talking about, but I still couldn’t match the face I was seeing with anything in my memory, because my memory just hadn’t kept a copy of that face.
I’ve had this problem of forgetting people’s faces so often that I’ve finally stopped introducing myself to anyone. I now wait for them to either come over and greet me as if we knew each other, or for someone else to introduce me to them.
Let me clarify that it’s not that I can’t remember faces at all. I know who my family is, I have friends and I can definitely recognize them. It’s just kind of hard for someone to acquire a spot in my memory.
-Facts-
Although forgetting someone’s face is embarrassing, it happens with people who I do not know very well and therefore is a minor issue. What becomes much more of an issue for me is forgetting things about my friends. When you get to know someone in college, one of the first things you ask about is their major. Not surprisingly (after what I’ve told you so far), I will often ask someone what their major is a few days after they’ve already told me. It doesn’t really become embarrassing until after the third or fourth time they are forced to repeat it to me. Eventually I get to a point where I can remember that I’ve asked before, but can’t for the life of me remember what the answer was. And I’m not talking about random acquaintances; I’m talking about people I spend a considerable amount of time with.
-Loved Ones-
But, ok, some people are forgetful, and maybe it isn’t uncommon not to remember your own past, but there’s one more thing that plagues me, and this one I really hate. When I’m not with someone for a certain amount of time, I almost completely forget them. We all stop thinking about not-so-close friends if we don’t see them for a long time. But this is different. When I try to remember a person, I pull up the ghost of a person with adjectives attached. I can see their hair color and the shape of them, although all details, including the face, are blurred out. Attached to this blurry image is the blurry image of their personality. I no longer remember what they were like at all. I may remember adjectives like “sweet” “talkative” “easy-going” which I have formerly used to define this person, but I do not really remember their personality.
I’ll give you a poignant story to show you what I’m talking about: When I was 19 I had had enough of school. I had been studying my whole life, and being from State College, I wasn’t even going to get to go somewhere exciting for college. During high school I had been to Mexico, met some people down there, and I decided that now that I was free of school, I would move to Mexico. I’m not one of those kids who got along horribly with their parents as an adolescent. I was very lucky and had an extremely close relationship with my whole family, especially my mother and my sister. My sister was my best friend, we did everything together.
When I got to Mexico, I wounded my whole family, because I fell almost completely out of contact with them. It’s not that I’m a cold person, as many have called me. I really loved my family. But when they weren’t there, I could barely even remember them. My sister missed me so much. I had been the person she could confide in, we had done everything together. And yet I didn’t really miss her at all, or anyone else, because I didn’t really know them anymore.
It’s not that I didn’t love them. When I came back home after my two years in Mexico, I was overjoyed to see my family. Seeing their faces, hearing their voices and listening to them kid around, everything flooded back and I felt at home again. Although I had not missed them, when I had them with me again, I knew that I preferred to be with them than without them. My life felt fuller and I had people around me who understood me and loved me unconditionally. I could see the scars of the pain I had inflicted with my carelessness, and I vowed that I would never again leave home and completely disregard them. Whether I could remember them clearly or not, whether I missed them or not, I needed to make time for them, because they are an essential part of my history and of me.
-Experiences-
This forgetfulness is not always a bad thing though. When I moved to Mexico, it proved invaluable. Most people experience homesickness while away. I never, not once in two years, felt homesick. As soon as I arrived in Mexico, my life in the United States started fading from my memory. When I could still remember what it felt like to be American, I was so excited to be living in a new place. By the time the excitement faded and most people would start feeling out of place and homesick, ‘home’ had become such a distant memory that Mexico felt as if it had always been my home. The dirtiness of the city, the inefficiency of practically everything, the Mexican way of life- this was all I knew. Life in the U.S. was something we watched in movies.
I’m getting ahead of myself. Let’s go back to forgetting those you love. Now let’s say you’ve got a boyfriend and things aren’t going well. You’re ready to move on. You meet a new guy, and he’s everything your ex wasn’t. You break up with your boyfriend and… It’s not an uncommon scenario. Yet this same scenario has gotten me the labels of ‘bitch,’ ‘cold,’ ‘unfeeling,’ ‘a fake,’ etc. Why? Because when most people break up with a serious boyfriend, there’s a transition period. A period that you spend getting to know the new guy, and getting over the old guy. For me, there is no transition period. As soon as my ex is out of my life, his memory starts to fade. I remember THAT we were together, but I don’t remember what it felt like. It doesn’t hurt me; I don’t miss him and I don’t need time to get over him. Within a very few weeks, I’m completely ready to throw my self full force into a new relationship.
That is not to say that this has to happen with everyone. It happened because I was no longer happy in the relationship I was in, so I WANTED that person out of my life. It might have been easier for me than it should have been, but it would have happened whether it came easily or whether I had to struggle to do it. Conversely, if someone leaves my life but I do NOT want to forget that person, there are things I can do. Modern technology has made all the difference. An email may not mean much to me, but talking to that person with sound and image keeps them alive for me. The few times I talked to my family on the Skype, things were completely different. For a day or two, I would start to miss them.