I've got so much happy I don't know what to do with it all
I feel like I reached this point of clearity the other night, I had what is called an epiphany if you will. As I balance on the edge of this impending milestone in my life I finally feel different. I realized all at once that my life IS different. I am a completely new person compared to myself 2 years ago in Charlotte. Ever since I moved here I have just been trying to get that old self back because I was so completely content with my life there, my friends, my family, my boyfriend, job, house and school. I knew all of that was only temporary but I clung to it because I needed it. Now I need none of that. My friends from then are still my friends but I have opened myself up to the people that I have finally met here and I don't want any of that old life back anymore. It was nice then but I want to keep moving forward. Its hard to descibe and maybe none of this makes any sence but I need to write it down because I am currently in the middle of this change and I want to look back and remember it. I really feel happy like I haven't in a long time and I feel like things are just about to blow up in happiness and goodness and relief, oh god relief. I feel like I just jumped on to a slide and everything is smooth sailing from now on. I finally get what it means to move on and to let go and stop trying to control everything, because the meaning of control is to just be confident, I have a unbreakable positive outlook on my future. I have no money and my job sucks right now but I just believe that I am about to get hired somewhere that I will love, one of the museums. Its just that kind of confidence. I wish I could share this with the world, this feeling, its better than drugs or sex I tell ya, its real, and I don't just have to lie to myself anymore to make it seem real it just is.